Caring For Ianto
by x-juicy-lucy-x
Summary: Finally, a new chapter! The team have found a strange device, which has had an even stranger effect on Ianto. Can the team look after him? Jack/Ianto implied and will probably end up blatant by later chapters. Rating raised for shexshy Tosh/Owen stuff. R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Wish i did, then i could hug them all whenever i wanted. Everything belongs to RTD. This is gonna be a long one, 25 chapters eventually. I'm gonna need all your encouragement to carry on if you like it. Or your hatred to stop me if you don't lol. Please RnR, reviews make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Oh, and enjoy xxx

Ianto heard his name being called from somewhere vaguely above and behind him. He wondered as he responded why it was that Jack didn't use the comm. network to call him when he was in the cellblock, instead of just bellowing at the top of his lungs.

"Iantoooo!" Jack bellowed again. Obviously he hadn't heard the reply to his previous yell. "Get up here, I need you. And I need more coffee." Rolling his eyes, Ianto touched the button on his earpiece which connected it to Jack's,

"I'm on my way up, Sir. Just washing my hands. Unless you'd like raw meat and Weevil saliva in your coffee?" He quirked an eyebrow, forgetting he was alone in the room, then realised and laughed at himself, reforming his face into its usual polite mask, before turning the taps off, drying his hands, and heading up towards the main area of the hub. Upon his arrival, he noticed that everyone was grouped around Tosh's desk staring at, but keeping their distance from a strange metal oblong with five round buttons on it. Ignoring the group, he went to fix them all their preferred refreshments. Judging by the set of Jack's shoulders and the intense stare he received, he decided that the Captain wanted cappuccino. Tosh, since it was after eleven, would be wanting tea. Earl Grey with lemon, he thought to himself. Gwen always wanted latte. Always semi skimmed. Always heavily sugared. Sometimes Ianto wondered why the gap in her teeth didn't extend further, but who was he to judge. Owen was looking decidedly grumpy, and had only arrived at the hub twenty minutes before, so Ianto guessed (correctly) that he needed an espresso and two painkillers. He made himself an Americano - simple and strong, no sugar - and headed over to the group.

The others took their drinks and continued eyeing the new artefact like it was going to bite. Ianto smiled inwardly. He had seen one of those before, in the Torchwood 1 archives. It was a musical instrument. A look of distinct mischief crossed his face as he reached out a hand, knowing full well that the only result was going to be a plonk somewhere in the region of an f#.

"Hmm... I wonder what this button does." He grinned, looking into Jack's eyes, and ignoring the yells of 'Ianto, NO!' He pressed the button, and everything went a little bit fuzzy. His ears rang, and he bent double in pain, gasping. As quickly as the pain had started, it stopped, and his vision cleared. Standing up, he smirked. "See, nothing to wo..." He stopped mid sentence and flopped lifeless to the floor, completely unconscious.

"No. Fucking. Way." Ianto heard Owen's voice as if far off, his eyes still closed. Evidently he had been wrong about the musical instrument. Still, he wondered what the panic was about; he'd only collapsed for a second. He felt large hands lift him up, and blinked his eyes open. Wait. Large hands... why so large? He focussed on Jack's face, which was far too big and getting closer. Hold on, Jack had picked him up. He knew Jack was strong but... what was going on? "Tea Boy's turned into a baby? Just great. If I'd known that was gonna be my last good coffee, I'd've savoured it a bit more."

"Owen, I think we have more pressing matters than your coffee." Tosh snapped curtly. "I wonder if he can understand us... Ianto? Can you speak?" Ianto considered this. Ok. He was a baby, that was fine. Jack was holding him and looking at him like a Weevil bogie. That was fine. What wasn't fine was that he had no clothes on, his suit being waaay too big now. He decided there was nothing he could do about that and answered Tosh. Or tried to. He said yes, he was sure he did. Only his mouth formed a word somewhat like 'nyi' followed by a strange gurgle. Jack's eyes sparkled.

"Awww... He's so cute!! Look at him! Look at his eyes! Look at his cute little hands and feet and... whoa... maybe we should put some clothes on him... He's looking daggers at me so I'm guessing he understands what we say, just can't speak himself?" He looked questioningly into baby Ianto's eyes. Ianto smiled and nodded.

"He looks like he's got wind..." Owen commented, earning him an angry scowl from the infant.

"Aww that's such a sweet smile Yan... I could just eat you up!" Jack grinned, tickling Ianto's tummy. Ianto tried to wriggle away, and Jack got the point, nearly dropping him in the process.

"Jack! You're holding him all wrong! You have to support his head, like this!" Gwen snapped, taking Ianto from the Captain and cradling him softly. Ianto looked at her with what he hoped was a bemused expression (it actually just looked like your average baby stare) whilst Jack pouted a bit because he was sort of falling in love with how cute a baby Ianto was. "Right, I'll go find some kind of blanket to wrap him up in. Tosh, do you reckon you could pop to the shops and get us a beaker of some kind? He looks co-ordinated enough to hold a cup." She smiled and cooed as Ianto nodded, picking up a blanket from the r&r area she wrapped it round Ianto until he was cocooned safely. Ianto smiled and closed his eyes, he hadn't realised how cold he was, and Gwen's gentle rocking was subtle, but extremely hypnotic and relaxing. Without thinking, he drifted off to sleep.

Only to be woken minutes later as he was placed gently onto a hard surface. Opening his eyes, he blinked at the bright lights and tried to ascertain his surroundings. In his confusion, his sanity gave way to baser instinct, and he found himself wailing in frustration and confusion. Gwen's face appeared above him and cooed softly, with no result. Suddenly it disappeared, as though she had been thrown aside, and was replaced by Jack's. Ianto stopped wailing, half from the shock of the sudden change, but also because Jack had shoved his little finger into Ianto's mouth. Considering his pride and dignity versus the insanely strong urge he had to suck on the finger, Ianto settled for chewing it gently, realising as he did so that he must have teeth, because Jack was pulling his best 'Ok, that hurts, but I can deal with it' face. Contemplating the face, he listened to what Jack was saying, not noticing that he had stopped chewing the finger and was now sucking it like a dummy. Jack cooed at him between explaining.

"It's ok, Yan, calm down. You're in the autopsy bay. That's it, good boy." A gasp due to the chewing. "Owen's gonna take a look at you, see what's going on, and check exactly how old you are. You're gonna hate me for saying this but you are beyond adorable." Another coo, and he unwrapped the blanket so that Owen could get at Ianto with a stethoscope. Ianto let out a mewl around Jack's pinkie as the cold air hit him, and scrunched his face up in dislike as the freezing stethoscope pressed against his chest. "Shush," Jack half whispered, transfixed by Ianto's big, shiny blue eyes. "Just gotta take a blood sample. Won't hurt too much, I promise." He soothed, removing his finger from Ianto's mouth and holding his arm gently. Ianto saw the needle coming towards him and found the ability to form words. Or rather, a word.

"NO!" He insisted, trying to wiggle away, but failing as he was obviously no match for an adult Jack. "NONONONONONONO!" When this tactic failed, he wailed as loud as possible as he felt the needle break his skin, and sank his teeth into the finger Jack offered. Hard. Jack winced and drew back his hand, his heart breaking at the sheer despair and betrayal on Ianto's sweet innocent baby face, and the sound of the wails and sobs wracking his body. Once the blood was taken, he lifted Ianto gently into his arms, blanket and all, and slowly bounced him on the spot, swaying from side to side and whispering to him softly.

"Hush, Baby, hush." He placed a gentle kiss to Ianto's temple as the sobs subsided to quiet gasps, and marvelled at the softness of the fine black hair that sprung like an adorable mop from Ianto's head. Looking up, he saw Gwen gazing at him adoringly with a maternal look on her face. "I'm gonna put him in my room for a nap, whilst Owen goes through the test results. I'll have to stay with him just in case. Call me when the blood's been analysed." With that, he slowly made his way through the Hub and into his office, before sliding down the ladder into his bedroom, rocking Ianto all the while. Deciding that Ianto would be cold if he just set him down, Jack lay back on the bed himself, cradling Ianto in his arms. The child was already napping, one hand clenched into a tight fist on Jack's shirt, clutching his braces, the other thumb tucked neatly into his mouth like a pacifier. Smiling, Jack brushed the hair out of Ianto's eyes and gazed at him in wonder. What was the usual procedure when the guy you'd recently been pulling moves on turned into a baby, by the looks of him, no more than a year old? Ianto had only just been through the ordeal first of losing Lisa, and then of being nearly eaten by crazed cannibals. What would his fragile, brilliant mind be doing trapped inside this baby's body? Still, Ianto had managed to say no earlier. Perhaps he would be able to talk soon enough, and Jack would just have to be there for him. Although he felt like he'd only been lying there for seconds, Tosh's voice drifted down to him from his office, warning him that it was nearly noon and the blood analysis was complete. Ianto stirred, which was lucky because Jack didn't think he'd have had the heart to wake him. Allowing the baby to cling to his chest with one arm and wrap the other round his neck, Jack made his way back into the Hub and over to Owen's desk.

Tosh gestured to the r&r area, in particular the sofa, which had all sorts of baby stuff on it, from nappies and dummies to a cute, fluffy baby grow with little bear ears on the top. Jack handed Ianto over carefully, and Tosh hugged him to her chest and bopped him up and down a bit as she made her way over to the sofa, Gwen in hot pursuit. Ianto sensed that they were about to put nappies on him, and when Gwen reached for the talc, a look of intense happiness on her face because she rarely got to play Mum, but was so broody she practically ached, Ianto decided that there was no way in hell either of the women were going to be wiping his bum for him, and he had a sneaky suspicion he might have accidently let go earlier. He decided to try out those tiny vocal chords again, earning a respectable result this time.

"No. Gwen. No. No want you... change me." Gwen's eyes widened in shock.

"So you can talk now?" She asked slowly. "What about Tosh?"

"Can talk bit. No Tosh. Embarsin." He scrunched up his face with effort, and Tosh smiled sweetly.

"I understand, Ianto." She said softly, aiming to comfort, "But someone's got to change your nappies and dress you. You obviously can't do it yourself. How about I ask Jack?"

"NO!" She'd barely got the sentence out before he was desperately refusing. "Jack worse. More embarsin! Only Owen. Safe." Tosh understood. Ianto didn't want the girls to do it, and having your new partner, who you're just getting comfortable with, caring for you in that way would certainly be embarrassing. She just wished it didn't sound so cute that he couldn't form words properly. Gwen looked even more confused, but set the talc down.

"Well, lovely, I'll go make you a beaker of juice, I'm sure you can manage that. Tosh'll go get Owen to sort you out eh?" Ianto nodded and the girls set off to perform their tasks. Wriggling, he managed to free himself from the confines of the blanket, and sat up carefully as Owen came over.

"Right Tea Baby, what've we got here then?" He almost sneered. Ianto was glad he was only a baby, because he might have taken a swing at the doctor had he been bigger. He was also glad because even though he and Owen didn't get along, they had this kind of mutual respect thing going where they put incidents like this behind them once they were over. If anyone was going to forget changing his nappy as quickly as possible, it was Owen.

"If wanted call me baby, shud have sed." He managed. "Asiden. Need." He pointed at the nappy, ashamed.

"Well, my scans say you are only one year, one hour and 7 minutes old, so it's not really surprising that you need a nappy." Owen said, ignoring the first comment, and unwrapping the blanket completely. "Right. This is my first time doing this, so bear with me." He smiled in a reassuring way as he grabbed a wipe from amongst the mass of baby stuff, (Tosh had really gone to town. Ianto was gonna be a super-spoilt baby!) and gently cleaned away the evidence of Ianto's 'accident'. "That's better," He finished with the wipes and added some talc. "Now, we don't want you getting sore do we?" He winked mischievously, and Ianto scowled. "Only kidding. There all done." He fastened up the nappy, earning him a bright baby smile. Even Owen was unable to resist the charm of baby Ianto's gorgeous blue orbs, and ended up grinning and tickling his feet. Ianto giggled and gently kicked against him. "Let's put some clothes on you eh?" He grinned as Gwen settled beside him.

"Oooh! Can we put him in this?" She asked with delight on her face as she lifted the fluffy baby grow he had noticed earlier.

"If have to." Ianto pouted. Which only earned him a collective aww from the other four, who were now all gathered around. Quickly and efficiently, Gwen bundled him into his new variety of cute-suit and popped it up at the front, pulling the hood up so that he looked like a cute, fuzzy, gorgeous, blue-eyed bear. Once he was dressed, she handed him the beaker, which he took with both hands by the handles on the sides. It was pretty easy to hold, and he managed to get it into his mouth with little effort, sucking on it possessively and wondering how she knew he wanted apple juice. He drained half the liquid before deciding that was enough. "Hungry. Want 'nana." He said matter-of-factly. Everyone looked confused, except Jack, who seemed to deal with 'nanas every day.

"He wants a banana. Ok. We don't have any, but Gwen, can you pop to the shops and fetch some stuff that a baby can eat? Rusks and breadsticks and plenty of fruit and veg. And formula milk, babies can't drink cow's milk 'til 18 months, or so the internet tells me." Whilst Jack had been talking, Ianto had decided to test his legs. If he was 1, he should be at the stage where he could just about toddle around. He slipped off the side of the sofa, to the gasps of the girls, and landed on shaky legs. They were shaky, but they were holding. He decided to take a step, and did so hesitantly, holding onto Jack's trouser leg for balance. He found he could walk as long as he had something to hold on to. The others cooed at him, and Gwen gently stroked his hair before setting off to the supermarket. He looked up into Jack's worshipping eyes, and grinned a toothy baby grin. "Keep up like that mister and I'm gonna end up blowing raspberries into your tummy and talking to you in an annoying baby voice. Right, Owen, see what you can work out from the test results, is this reversible? I know you said that there's no change in DNA, just age, but that thing is definitely alien, so check everything again. Tosh, get to work on that artefact. Don't do anything stupid, but work it out. Try and find out where it comes from, or anything that might help us restore Ianto to his proper age. I'm going up to my office. I'll take Yan with me for now, but we'll have to take turns watching him..." He was interrupted by a small 'ahem' from below him.

"Don need watching." Ianto insisted. To prove his point, he toddled off towards Gwen's desk, leaning on various things as he went, and attempted to climb into her chair. Once more, he felt strong hands envelop his middle, and the ground began to disappear beneath him. He was turned and rested on Jack's hip. He grabbed hold of the shirt, absently playing with one of the buttons at Jack's neck.

"Sure you don't, but what if you fell or something? Or you needed us for anything else and we weren't around? I'd hate myself if something happened to you. Come on, I'll take you to my office. You can play with the stuff on my desk, and point out my mistakes whilst I fill in reports." He wandered off, leaving the other two to settle down to work, and closed the door to the office behind him. Settling in his chair, he put his extremely young lover on his lap, and opened his laptop, passing Ianto the artefact he was reaching for, which, although it looked alien, was really only a pretty paperweight from the Isle of Wight.

Ianto played with the thingy. He wasn't sure what it was, but when you tilted it this way and that, the colours changed and new patterns emerged. He was enthralled. After a while, he dropped the object, which rolled away across the floor, earning him a soft tut and a stroke to the hair from Jack, and stared at the computer screen with interest. Jack was reading his emails, and the one currently up was a mundane piece of everyday stuff from the Prime Minister. Something to do with the possibility of Aliens living in the sewers of Abergaveny. Surely the Weevil network didn't spread that far? Ah, no, the sightings were of giant rats. Up to a foot long. Just extra well fed rats then. Nothing special. Ianto wondered how it was he could read perfectly well, but talking like a normal person was beyond him. He supposed it was due to his vocal chords still being in development. He was bored now, so he twisted in Jack's lap and buried his head in the Captain's tummy, breathing in the familiar scent, and fiddling with the straps of his red braces. Less than 12 hours ago, the two of them had engaged in a steamy snogging session in this very chair, only stopping due to the interruption of the rift alarm. Now he was a 1 year old child. It was more than a little strange. He looked at the clock. It was 12:37. He'd been a child for just over an hour, and he was already getting used to it. Deciding there was nothing he could do, he burrowed himself further into Jack's tummy, receiving a warm hand protectively on his back, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Jack looked down. Ianto was sleeping again, his face peaceful and happy, his little hands curled into Jack's pale blue shirt. He wondered what he was going to do with the boy. He couldn't face the idea of giving him to a foster parent, but he could hardly have a baby around the hub. Still, it was a baby Ianto, with an adult mind, who knew his way around the Torchwood 3 archives. The only person who did. Jack contemplated things for a while. He was certainly warming to the idea of looking after such a cute kid. Although, it did suck a little that he had no-one to flirt with now. He'd have to harass Tosh later. He absently stroked Ianto's back as he filled in his reports.

Twenty minutes later, Ianto stirred as Gwen entered Jack's office with a bag of foodstuffs. He mewled quietly, then shifted, twisting round with Jack's arm still protectively round him to gaze expectantly at the bag. When Gwen produced a banana, he gurgled with delight, mentally chastising himself for acting like a baby, and reached out to take it. Without thinking, Gwen handed it to him, and he spent a short while trying to open it. Failing, a moan grew in his throat, turning to a small sob, and tears began to form in his eyes. Jack chuckled softly and took the offending fruit, peeling open the skin, breaking a bit off and holding it out for Ianto to take. Ianto decided he was quite happy for Jack to feed him, and took a bite out of the banana, earning him another chuckle. He liked the way he could feel Jack's chest rumbling behind him when he laughed, and resolved to make it happen as often as possible. Swallowing the first bit of banana, he allowed Jack to pop the next bit into his mouth, and break some more off the fruit to eat himself. In this fashion, they finished off the banana and two bread sticks, and Ianto was finally presented with a sweet, sugary rusk. He popped one end of it into his mouth and sucked on it thoughtfully. Gwen smiled down at him from the other side of the desk, and he could almost feel Jack's grin behind him.

"Gwen, sweetie, do you think you could look after Yan for a bit?" Ianto peered up at Jack with hurt in his eyes. "It's not that I don't love having you on my lap, Yan, it's just that I can't concentrate on my work cos you're so goddamn cute. I really have to do these reports, but all I seem to be doing is staring at you and playing with your hair." He grinned. Ianto nodded.

"Kay." He stretched his arms out towards Gwen as Jack lifted him, and settled them round her neck as she carried him out into the Hub. Gwen smelt of a nice perfume, and Herbal Essences. Ianto liked it. He nestled into the join of her neck and shoulder and played with the ends of her hair gently, so as not to pull it. She settled at her desk, and pulled him back into her lap, fixing him with a knowing and secretive smile. "Wha?" He questioned, catching her infectious grin and giggling like the child he now was.

"Got you something. Mustn't tell Jack though!" She opened her top drawer, and pulled out a cute little toy elephant. "I know you've got your own mind and everything, but you need something to do, since you can't be working. I got you loads of toys and games. This one, you can take out the voice box and record it to say anything you like, then when you squeeze him, he plays it back to you. Like this." She squeezed and the Elephant said 'I love you!' in a cute annoying voice. Well, that was definitely being taped over. Grinning, he took the elephant and opened the Velcro slot, removing the big voice recorder. He was going to scare Owen shitless. He tucked the recorder into his baby grow when Gwen wasn't looking, and re-sealed the elephant before leaning over to peer into the drawer. Spotting a jigsaw with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it, he pulled it out and emptied the pieces onto a space on Gwen's desk. She giggled and began working, whilst he slowly put the 100 piece puzzle together. Not bad for a 1 year old, he thought, as he completed the edges and started on the middle.

Just as he was positioning the final piece, Owen wandered up from the autopsy bay and over to Gwen's desk.

"Right, Ianto... you big blob of weird. My tests can't find a way to make you a big boy again, so I'm gonna need to run a couple more tests on stuff like your reflexes and brain activity. You've finished your puzzle, so I'm gonna interrupt the party and take you over to my desk." He leaned down and lifted Ianto gently, like a bomb. His face looked like he was facing some sort of inner struggle, and he was about to hold Ianto at arms length before he considered that he was a professional doctor and Ianto was now a patient. He hugged Ianto to his chest firmly and went over to his own desk, setting Ianto down on the surface in a seated position. "Just gonna go get some equipment. Don't move." Owen sidled off and Ianto saw his chance. He shuffled to the computer and searched the internet for the sound clip he wanted. Playing it through the speakers he held his elephant's voice box up to them, holding the record button. Then he shut down the program, hid the voice toy and shuffled back to where he had been, grabbing a load of paperclips to look like he was playing with them. Owen returned.

"What that?" Ianto asked suspiciously eyeing the device in Owen's hand.

"It's a brain scanner. Should show me if your brain is functioning like an adult, or if that's slowly reverting to infancy too." Ianto nodded so Owen turned on the scanner and began to move it around his head slowly. "Looking good mate, your mind is functioning as normal. Good sign." Ianto grinned and swatted at the machine. It was humming quietly and the flashing lights were funny. He giggled. "Oh, I see... You've got your mind, but there are also the instincts that babies have in there. Like, you wanna chew things you've never ever wanted to put in your mouth before right?"

"Yup." Ianto responded "Like that scowpul." He pointed to the scalpel just out of reach. "Wesistin." He added, to let Owen know he wasn't really going to eat any scalpels, no matter how strong the urge became.

"Right, well, I'm done with you, you can go sit with Tosh." He scooped Ianto back up and ferried him over to where Tosh was gazing in awe at one of her many screens. "Special delivery!" He said as he popped Ianto onto her knee then sauntered off to tell Jack what he'd found, which was nothing.

"Hmm... It just doesn't make any sense!" Tosh muttered. "You ok down there Yan? Need anything?" Ianto considered this, then raised his arms imploringly.

"Hug." Tosh giggled and hugged him, and he turned a cute shade of red. She set him back down, reached over and passed him his beaker of juice. He took it and drank a bit more, then looked at her screens. They were boring. Once he was sure she was engrossed, he slipped carefully off her lap and toddled off to Owen's abandoned station. Grinning what could only be described as the smile of an angel, but what he wanted to be a demonic grin, he opened Owen's bag at the front pocket, which he knew was never opened, and inserted the voice recorder. Gurgling his approval, he sealed the bag and toddled back to Tosh's desk before she realised he was missing. Now he had no way of getting back up there. He decided to play on the baby side of things.

Sitting as though he'd just fallen, he began to wail loudly. Tosh looked down, eyes wide and gasped.

"Oh, Ianto I'm so sorry! I completely forgot you were there. Did you hurt yourself? Here, let me see. Come here." She lifted him into another hug, rubbing his back in gentle circles. He stopped the fake crying and sniffled a bit. Tosh was lovely. He felt himself growing relaxed, and drifted off to sleep again. He was doing that a lot today.

When Ianto awoke, he found he had been passed back to Jack in his sleep, and was nestled safely against his chest, his head buried in the join of his shoulder and neck. He smiled to himself _so all it takes to get you to hug me is being turned into a baby_. Making a sleepy groaning sound, he wiggled until Jack pulled him back and settled him on his lap. They were in the boardroom eating pizza. Ianto decided that pizza was the best idea anyone had had in ages.

"Want." He said, pointing to the slice in Jack's hand. Jack laughed quietly.

"You sure? This one's the spicy meat feast. You might be better off with Tosh's vegetable one?" Ianto considered this. He was willing to take the risk.

"Want yours." He smiled and opened his mouth. Jack laughed again and fed him some of the cheese from the top.

"What're we gonna do with you Ianto Jones?" He gently played with Ianto's hair, careful not to get pizza grease on it. "We can't find any indication that there's a way to reverse this, and I can't bear the thought of having to give you up to some foster parents. Besides, you're the only one who knows the archives. So, you're gonna have to live with one of us. Gwen's out of the question, because Rhys would ask too many questions. I don't trust Owen not to put beer in your bottle. That leaves me or Tosh. Which would you prefer?" Ianto considered this carefully. He was sure that Tosh would be perfect, and would cater to his every need, ensuring he never went without anything. However, if he lived with Jack he could curl up and sleep on him whenever he liked. The idea of falling asleep being cuddled by Jack, even if it wasn't in the sense he would have liked, appealed to him greatly.

"Stay here if kay wiv you." He said, grinning. Jack beamed at him like he'd said something right, and began to tickle his tummy and sides. Ianto giggled and gurgled, and tried to wiggle out of reach, but Jack's hands encircled him and held him up, stopping him from falling to the floor.

"Careful. Don't want you to hurt yourself." He smiled warmly, hugging Ianto to his chest and reaching for more pizza. "Want juice?" Ianto nodded and took the opportunity whilst Jack was distracted to take a messy bite out of his pizza. Jack turned round and guffawed, drawing everyone's attention to Ianto, and he received yet another collective 'awww'. "You've got tomato puree all over your face, c'mere." Jack picked up a napkin and began to gently clean Ianto's face, whilst the boy giggled. "Once lunch is finished, I'll leave you with Tosh so you can help her decode the alien language from that device. Gwen and I are following up a report on some weevil activity, and Owen's got to do an autopsy on that purple gelatinous alien from last Tuesday." Ianto nodded.

"Kay, can have Tosh pizza now?" Tosh smiled and handed a slice to Ianto, who set about messily devouring it, hardly noticing when Jack slipped a bib round his neck and fastened it securely. After his pizza, he was feeling full, so he drank some more juice, then waited for everyone to finish.

Jack and Gwen left the hub at 5, and Owen began his autopsy at half past, which gave Tosh and Ianto the whole hub to play with in an attempt to decode the language from the device. Time passed quickly, and when Gwen and Jack arrived back with three weevil carcasses at 10 pm, the two were still working. Owen was no longer up to his elbows in purple jelly, he was analysing samples and generally doing whatever it was he actually did to create so much mess in the autopsy bay.

"Anything?" Jack asked, whisking Ianto off of Tosh's desk, where he'd been working one of her many computers slowly, and hugging him, before settling him on his hip.

"Almost there I think." Tosh replied, still engrossed in her screens.

"Well, go home for the night. You can finish this in the morning." Jack smiled. "All of you go home. It's way past Ianto's bed time." That earned him a swift kick in the ribs, and Ianto yanked his hair as well just to make sure he got the message. The others grinned, abandoned what they were doing and said their goodbyes. Owen sloped off rather quickly, probably to go get drunk. Gwen kissed Ianto on the forehead and mumbled 'night sweetheart' before racing off to spend time with Rhys, and Tosh spent five minutes umming and aaing over whether she could leave the console running before Jack practically threw her on the invisible lift. "Right mister, bed time. Let's see if they left you any pyjamas..." Jack strolled over to the couch, setting Ianto down and rummaged through the pile until he found a cute pair of blue pyjamas with little yellow duckies on them. They were going to look adorable. He looked up to see Ianto slowly unpopping his baby grow with difficulty, and grinned. "Here," He said softly, helping the boy out of the fluffy prison, "Need a new nappy?" Ianto blinked, turned bright red, then nodded, averting his eyes. "Hey, no worries. You don't ever have to be embarrassed with me, Yan." He made quick work of changing the offending nappy, and putting on the nice clean pyjamas. Ianto smiled, suddenly realising how tired he was.

"Bed time?" He grinned, and then giggled as Jack swept him up and finally gave in to the urge to blow raspberries into his tummy. It tickled, and Jack was funny, and Ianto found himself giggling all the way to Jack's sleeping quarters, where he was tucked into the bed whilst Jack undressed, slipping on a pair of soft cotton pyjama bottoms and a fresh vest before settling himself in the bed with Ianto, his arms protectively round the boy. Ianto smiled, cooed, and snuggled up to Jack, burying his face in the Captain's neck. He wished this could be under other circumstances, but he wasn't going to turn his nose up at the chance to spend the night in Jack's arms.

"Nite nite." He whispered.

"G'night, Yan." Came the reply, but Ianto Jones was already asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Sorry it took so long, I went away at the weekend and it seems to be social week in Lucyland. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you all keep me going! Thanks also to my very good friend who points out my stupid mistakes for me. Anyway, let me know if there's anything in particular you want to see happen in the fic, and I'll try to work it in. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy. Oh, and keep those reviews coming. love to you all xxx

Jack woke himself up from the nightmare. The memories of pain he could deal with, but when the screaming started it all became too much, and he had to wake himself. Unfortunately, the screaming didn't stop. He realised that it had in fact been said screaming which had woken him, and that it was coming from the small wriggling baby he was half squashing in his sleep. Gasping, he sat up, lifting Ianto with him.

"Oh, Yan! Are you ok? Did I hurt you? Did you have a nightmare? What's wrong?" Ianto continued to howl, so Jack hugged him close and rocked him, sliding out of bed and shimmying up the ladder one-handed. As he rocked the baby, the sobs slowly quietened. He glanced at the clock, it was 1am. Sighing, he continued to rock, and headed towards the kitchen, whispering reassuringly to the tiny child in his arms. "Hey, Yan, it's ok. I'm here. Calm down for me now yeah?" He turned on the milk-steamer on the coffee machine, and found another beaker in the pile of baby things. As the machine whirred into life, Ianto finally stopped crying and clung to Jack's neck, sniffling. "You ok?"

"Mhm." Ianto mumbled, rubbing his eyes with balled up fists. "Nitemawe." He added, by way of explanation, before burrowing back into Jack's neck. Jack smelt comforting and warm. Ianto told him so as best he could. Chuckling, Jack filled the beaker with steamed milk, and checked the temperature on the inside of his wrist. Deciding it was alright, he handed it to Ianto, who stuffed it into his mouth and drank hungrily, his eyes falling half closed.

Jack paused to look at what had become of his new plaything. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were red from crying, his eyelids fluttered downwards as his slurped at the drink. His cute little blue pyjamas were riding up, and his skin was warm beneath them. In all his many years of living, Captain Jack Harkness didn't think he'd ever seen anything so adorable. He lowered his head and planted a soft kiss on Ianto's forehead. The baby's eyes opened wide and he smiled and cooed around the beaker, which was still between his teeth.

"Let's get you back to bed eh? Tomorrow promises to be a loooong day." Jack grabbed himself a glass of water and headed back to his hole. Settling down again, he made sure Ianto was comfortable, and watched him fall asleep before allowing his own eyes to drift closed, and succumbing to a dream about how gorgeous his and Ianto's children would be.

Jack felt like he'd only just closed his eyes, but the insistent bleeping of his wrist-strap told him differently. It was 7am already. He didn't mind, since he hardly needed sleep anyway. Pushing the button on the side of the console, he rubbed his face and sat up, gathering the still sleeping Ianto up as he went. He climbed the ladder slowly and deposited the child on the chair, before going back down to his room to retrieve some clothes. The others would be arriving within a short while, so he decided he could leave Ianto sleeping on his chair and go take a quick shower.

Ianto stirred in his sleep, wiggling to get closer to the warmth of Jack's body. He couldn't find it. He blinked his eyes open slowly, looking about him. Jack was nowhere to be seen. He supposed that he would be back in a while, and closed his eyes, snuggling back down onto the soft leather cushion of Jack's chair. In his efforts to get comfortable, he forgot quite how close to the edge he was, and found himself falling. There was a yelp from somewhere near his head and a pair of warm hands caught him just in time. Gasping in shock, he looked up into Owen's face.

"Who the hell put you down there Teababy?" He scowled. "Well, stupid question, we only have one resident idiot. Oh, speak of the devil." He hoisted Ianto into his arms and gently held him, spinning to face Jack who had just entered the office wearing only a towel and a few droplets of water. "Do you seriously have no brains at all? It's a good job I walked in here when I did because Ianto was about to fall of that bloody chair and hit his head on the floor. It's a long way for a baby, Jack. He could have been seriously hurt!" He half shouted, clinging to Ianto protectively. Jack's eyes widened suddenly, and he looked distraught.

"Oh, God. Yan, are you ok? I'm so sorry, I didn't think. God I'm so stupid." He reached out for the baby, but Owen shook his head and stepped backwards.

"Oh no you don't. Go and put some bloody clothes on. I'll look after him 'til then." He stalked out of the office, taking the baby with him, and Jack heard a soft, 'S'ok Jack,' over his shoulder. He shook himself and went to get dressed.

Owen carried Ianto into the kitchenette and began the process of making a coffee, under the child's instructions. Ianto wondered why Owen was being so nice. Had his prank not worked? He looked over at Owen's desk and saw the satchel exactly where it had been last night. So Owen hadn't taken it home. Perhaps he would tonight then. Either way, Ianto was sure he'd know when his plan had worked. Once the coffee was finished, he allowed Owen to change his nappy, scrub him clean with a soft flannel, and dress him in a cute miniature jeans and T-shirt combo. As Jack emerged from his office looking sheepish, with his hair still damp, Ianto remembered he was hungry. He stretched his arms out for Jack to pick him up, and the man did so, looking relieved as he hugged Ianto softly.

"Jack. Hungwy." He stated into Jack's shoulder, and was immediately passed a breadstick from Owen. He started to chew it vigorously.

"Eat that whilst I make you something proper for breakfast." The doctor announced. "Seriously, you need proper nutrition, not spicy meat feast pizza and bananas." Grumbling to himself in a manner that Ianto thought was quite sweet, Owen set about making this nutritious breakfast. It turned out to be pretty good. Five minutes later, Ianto found himself perched on Jack's knee at the boardroom table, feeding himself yoghurt, strawberries, banana and kiwi like a big boy, and washing it down with orange juice from the beaker he had now become quite attached to. He thought he was doing well, since none of it had gone down his front, until Gwen walked in and stopped dead before exclaiming,

"Oh you're just so cute!" In a voice so high pitched it hurt Ianto's ears. Rushing over to him, she took out a wipe and set about cleaning his face. He couldn't recall missing his mouth at all, but when Gwen had to use two wipes to get him clean, he realised he must have made quite a mess. Once he was clean, she scooped him up and spun him round, making him giggle and blush, before resting him on her hip and bouncing her way to the kitchenette to get him a rusk. Taking the rusk, he decided that the embarrassment of being treated like a baby wasn't so bad if he got sugary treats every time he looked at Gwen. As he was chewing on the rusk, Tosh walked in. Her eyes lit up when she saw him and she scurried over, taking him from Gwen gently.

"Morning, Ianto." She smiled as she hugged him. "Did you sleep well? How are you feeling today? Any changes?" Ianto grinned. At that moment, Tosh was exactly what he needed. She didn't fuss or mollycoddle him, and she spoke to him in the level, even tones ones used when speaking to an adult. On top of that, she wasn't concerned about his cute booties or the way his hair was fluffy and sticking up at the back, she just wanted to help him get his body back.

"Still same. Slept good but no difwense." She smiled anyway, and set him down on the floor to toddle around. Looking down at him, she sighed.

"We'll keep looking, Ianto, there has to be some way to reverse the effects of the artefact. There just has to be." Leaving him to plod over to Jack's leg by the coffee machine, Tosh settled quickly at her desk, and with one glance and a soft smile at Owen, she began her work again. It was barely 8am, and the whole team were at the hub. This, Ianto thought, was a first. They didn't normally arrive until 10, and Owen had been the first in, which was even more worrying, since he was early if he arrived before 11 most days. He slid his arms round Jack's calf and hugged onto his leg, watching the others doing jobs he would usually take care of. Gwen was preparing to feed Janet, and Owen was making his way up towards Myfanwy's nest with a bucket of raw meat and a bottle of barbeque sauce. Jack smiled down at him as he looked up.

"Whatcha up to trouble?" He grinned. Ianto grinned back. "Taking over the world from down there?"

"Mhm." Ianto countered. "Evrywon will do wot I say. I rool the yooniverse." Jack giggled and picked up the child at his feet.

"Well then, your majesty, what would you like me to do now?"

"You have a confwence call wiv the Pwime Minster in firty minits." Ianto said in his best authoritative tone, which was actually quite cute, "Then you need to send those weports to yunit, the wones abowt the jiyunt lizzurd. And aftur that you can have some mowe coffee." Jack giggled again and offered him a salute.

"Sir, yes sir!" He took his mug from the side and carried Ianto over to Tosh's desk, where he set him down next to a keyboard and watched him open Solitaire. Chuckling, he went to make himself look irresistible for his call with the Prime Minister. She always did what he wanted when his hair was just so, and he did that gorgeous pouty thing he had perfected over the years. He checked himself out in the mirror, decided that if he looked much longer he might pounce himself, and went to sort out the paperwork he needed to cite at her to stop her from meddling in Torchwood affairs. Ianto watched all this through the glass of the office walls and giggled to himself, before moving a red queen onto a black king, and putting up an ace.

Time passed quickly, and although he barely spoke a word, when Ianto next looked at the clock, it was 11:04. He'd been a baby for nearly twenty four hours. Still, no breakthrough had been made. All of a sudden, Tosh yelled that triumphant yell she had for when she'd just done something particularly amazing.

"Jack! I've translated the writing on the back of the device!" She exclaimed. Immediately the desk was surrounded. Even Owen stopped looking at porn and raced over. Ianto hadn't recalled any writing on the device, but sure enough, there it was upturned with a small inscription on it. "Oh..." Tosh's face fell, and she turned to look at Jack with an 'I'm sorry' face. "It says 'property of Doug, do not touch'." Everyone sighed collectively. All that excitement, all that work, for nothing. Ianto found himself looking at the clock again, it was 11:11. As he watched the face change to show 11:12, he found himself dizzy again. Things went fuzzy like before, and he felt the pain and heard the ringing in his ears again. He gasped and braced himself against the pain, then waited for the black out. Maybe he was changing back? That was his last thought before he crumpled onto the desk, to the shock of all the others.

"Don't let him move! I'll go get the scanner!" He heard Owen yell and then feet pounding off towards the med bay. He didn't feel much bigger, but he must have grown a bit because the jeans and T-shirt he had been wearing were now extremely tight. He blinked his eyes open and looked down at himself. He was still a child, although more like a toddler now. He looked up at Jack, Tosh and Gwen, who were gaping at him in curiosity.

"Don't move pet, are you alright?" Gwen asked, stooping closer to him. He nodded and remained perfectly still until Owen arrived back with another hand-held scanner and began to flash it over him.

"Ok... Exactly 2 years and one minute old. Looks like Teababy just aged a year..." He frowned, clearly perplexed by this new puzzle. "No changes in DNA again, just an age shift. Wonder what's going on?" Everyone looked supremely bemused, so Ianto thought he'd best point out the obvious, finding that his vocal cords worked a little better now.

"Well, I tuched the artefakt abowt this time yesturday. Maybe it does this evwy day?" He blinked up at everyone then sat up. "Can I get out of these clowves now? They're a bit tiyt." He plucked at the T-shirt, and Jack leaned down and scooped him up, releasing him from the Jeans too and taking him over to the sofa to see if there was anything that would fit him. He found a pair of loose pyjamas which would do for now.

"Gwen, can you go find something to fit him for today, and something that would fit a 3 year old, just in case this happens again tomorrow? I reckon you might be on to something, Yan. Did it feel the same today as it did yesterday?" Ianto nodded.

"Sorry to interrupt, Jack," Tosh butted in, "But I've been monitoring energy levels from the device. There was a huge spark of energy at exactly 11:12, when Ianto changed. Looks like it's definitely the device doing it. Maybe I can access the settings. If it can age him as well as making him young, I might be able to manipulate it to bring him back to his real age."

"Worth a try. Don't do anything stupid though." Jack smiled at his tech expert; she really was an amazing find. He turned to Owen and handed Ianto over. "Just check him again, make sure everything is alright and there's nothing untoward going on inside him." With that, he sauntered back to his office to finish sorting the Unit reports, and watched Gwen leave to find Ianto some proper clothes.

Ianto sat patiently through another round of tests and examinations. He even behaved himself when Owen stuck a needle in him, only complaining due to the quip about a lollypop if he was a good boy. Finally, Owen flashed lights in his eyes and peered into them before drawing back and hmming in a satisfied manner.

"Well, you're normal. Or at least as normal as you can be. Whose desk do you want me to plonk you on today then?" Ianto looked up at Jack's office. He was hard at work, and didn't look like he needed disturbing. He glanced at Tosh. She was beavering away as usual. He'd be bored over there. As he was weighing up the pros and cons of boredom versus Owen, Gwen bounded in with a Mothercare bag in her hand and a serene smile on her face. He grinned.

"I'll go with Gwen. She's a bit mowe sayn." Owen nodded and practically threw him into Gwen's arms. She caught him deftly and gasped.

"You're getting heavy!" She managed, manoeuvring him so that he rested on her hip.

"I can pwobabwy walk." He pointed out, and she placed him down gently, relief on her face. He followed her over to the r&r area and she produced some bigger jeans and a cute red T-shirt with 'TROUBLE' on the chest. He grinned and put them on with her help, feeling much better in clothes that fit him. She passed him his beaker and together they headed off to her desk. Gwen was working following up a lead on several sightings of strange light patterns over the Splott area, so Ianto busied himself with a pack of picture cards, answering the occasional question or giving a solution to the occasional problem.

Just as Ianto was settling into a rhythm, the rift alarm went berserk. Jack appeared at the door of his office, and Tosh pulled something up on another screen and whizzed through a few scans. She finally scanned some CCTV footage and brought up an image of what appeared to be a bundle of lights in the middle of an abandoned warehouse. They matched Gwen's sightings perfectly. She jumped up form her desk and rushed over to Tosh, eyes wide.

"Can you tell what it is from the scans?" She asked, peering at the screen intently. Jack sauntered over, and placed a hand on her bum. Ianto noted this and stored it away for later. Jack caught him looking and gave him a sheepish glance, mouthing 'what?' and moving his hand upwards, but only slightly. Gwen turned and glared at him pointedly, so he removed the hand and leaned on Tosh's desk chair instead. Tosh, oblivious to Jack's horniness, simply stared at her screens, tapped a few buttons and said,

"There are records of them in the archives, but no name. Says they need to be shown their reflection, then they melt into the mirror. Weird, but we'd best get down there and sort it out. Gwen, why don't you and Jack go and I'll direct you from here?" Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Can't I take Owen?" She whined. Jack smacked her bum lightly.

"Nope. Let's go. I'll drive." He grabbed the keys off Owen's desk, ruffled Ianto's hair and headed out. "We'll be back soon. Owen, Chinese for lunch, order it. And look after Ianto. If he's any less gorgeous when I get back, you're cleaning out Janet for a week." Ianto smirked and went back to playing. He was trying to make a card castle, but his little hands weren't co-ordinated enough. It kept falling over. He lost patience and wondered up to Jack's office to play on his laptop. Climbing the stairs was a mission, but thankfully the door had been left open. He struggled onto the chair, and standing on it, accessed Jack's internet, and began ordering things from online, smirking to himself as he entered Owen's credit card details for his... interesting... purchases, and addressed them to Jack. Once that was done, he managed to delete the records (third time lucky) and toddled back down to the main hub, where Tosh was getting hysterical and looking under desks, yelling.

"Ianto? IANTO? Where is he? Oh God, Owen, he could have been hurt. OHMYGOD Myfanwy could have eaten him!" He coughed to stop her and waved from the stairs. She rushed over and swept him up. "Ianto, where have you been? I was so worried. I thought... I thought. Don't walk off without telling me again. Ever!" She shook her finger at him in a way that was slightly comical but also a little menacing. He pulled his, 'oh I'm sorry' pout, which had added cuteness effect due to his new baby face, and she softened visibly. "Just, let me know next time you're going somewhere.

"Kay." He mumbled. "Owen, can you take me to the toylet? I need to pee." He glanced at the doctor, who sighed and rolled his eyes.

"If it means I don't have to change those nappies again, then YES." He got up, hauled Ianto into his arms and trudged towards the toilets. Toshiko sat where she'd been left, and stopped her hands from shaking. Her comm. bleeped, so she went back to her screen to direct Jack and Gwen to where the lights were floating serenely about the warehouse. She saw the two run into the scope of the camera, flashing a mirror at the lights, which absorbed themselves into the glass slowly. She continued to watch, and listened in through the earpieces as Jack slid his arm round Gwen's waist and whispered something just a little too filthy into her ear. Gwen pushed him away and told him he was disgusting. He shrugged and Tosh heard him say 'worth a try' over the comm. before the two disappeared out of shot, and all she could hear was their conversation. It seemed Jack was extremely horny today, and Gwen was having none of it. Although, when they stumbled into the hub 15 minutes later, she looked flushed and he looked pleased with himself. Nothing had happened, Tosh knew from the conversation, but Jack had obviously known he was flustering Gwen, who was completely infatuated with him. Tosh smirked, she was glad Jack had chosen Gwen as a target; she always reacted badly when he harassed her.

As the two arrived, the Chinese Owen had ordered showed up. Owen spent ten minutes in the kitchen fixing up something suitable for Ianto, by which time, the boy had eaten half a tub of chicken chow mein and was asleep in Jack's lap again. Owen sighed in exasperation and ate the avocado from Ianto's lunch himself. He glanced at his watch, 3pm. He had nothing to do, no evidence to test. It looked like he was going to be babysitter for the rest of the day. He went to the kitchen and got a beer for himself, and one for Tosh. Thinking about it, he could always try to get out of work early. Since he'd finished with Gwen, he'd been noticing Tosh more and more. Maybe he'd ask her out tonight, just for drinks. See where it went. Daydreaming about pool and proper beer, he settled at his desk and played on the internet a bit. Sure enough, within half an hour, Jack decided he had to do work, and delivered Ianto to his desk, with strict warnings not to let the baby drink the beer. He smirked, waited 'til Jack was out of sight, and offered Ianto the can. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

"Tastes lyke piss. Not proper beer." Hearing the words 'tastes like piss' coming out of the mouth of a two year old proved to be one of the funniest things Owen had ever heard, and he descended into a fit of laughter that lasted well over 10 minutes. When he recovered, Ianto was missing. He sat up shocked, then decided it was best not to draw attention to himself until he'd found the irritating toddler. He used his computer to run a body heat scan of the building but found nothing on interest, unless you counted the fact that the camera angle of the heat receptors made it look like Jack was touching himself. Owen mused that perhaps he was, then brought up another screen to show the lower levels. Nothing. He tried upwards, and found a small human shaped red blob halfway up to Myfanwy's nest. Sighing, he closed the screen and headed up to intercept him. As he closed the other screens, he noticed that the Jack-shaped blob was now slumped in his chair. Suspicious? Owen certainly thought so. Ah well, he considered, at least someone was having a good time at work. He followed Ianto and caught him about three quarters of the way up to the nest.

"What are you doing Teababy?" He demanded.

"Gonna see Myfanwy. Nowon tikuled her under her chin... She lykes that." He stated simply, and continued toddling upwards. Owen picked him up and headed back down.

"Not a chance buster, she could swallow you whole now. I'll tickle her later." He put the baby on his desk, and looked up to see Jack watching him from his office with a quizzical look on his face. He shrugged. "You really have to stop walking off like that. Jack's gonna have my ass." Ianto snorted and giggled.

"Jack wudn't go near your ass. You're not pwetty nuff." He giggled some more. Owen realised the sexual innuendo and groaned.

"Funny, Teababy. Very funny." He plopped down into his chair, opened his desk and pulled out a Nintendo DS. "How bout you shut up and play this for a while? It's got Mario in it at the moment." Ianto grinned and took the console, switching it on and turning the annoying music up as loud as possible, he began bashing away at the buttons, in a surprisingly co-ordinated manner. Owen smiled at him, until the noise grew annoying, then he scowled. Ianto just looked at him, the picture of innocence and carried on playing.

Jack sat at his desk, playing furiously with his wristband underneath. He really wanted to get some more functions working, but try as he might, he couldn't. He glanced at Owen, who was looking at the heat signature monitors. That meant he'd lost Ianto. Jack sighed and slumped back in his chair. He'd find him. He looked again, and Owen was making his way towards Myfanwy's eyrie. He stood and went to the window, watching as Owen retrieved Ianto and made his was back downstairs. He gave Owen a look, and the younger man shrugged, before sitting down and handing Ianto, who was giggling like a girl, a games console. Jack withstood the noise for 30 minutes, before looking at the clock. It was four. There was no point in keeping Owen in, and the others' work could wait until tomorrow. He decided enough was enough, and went out into the main area.

"Right. Everyone, go home. Owen, take your Gameboy with you." He bellowed.

"It's not a Gameboy it's a..."

"I don't care, just leave and take it with you." Jack stood in the doorway and watched, pleased, as Owen asked Tosh out for drinks and she said yes. Gwen disappeared quickly to go see Rhys, and once Tosh and Owen had decided he'd pick her up at 7, they left too, she by the lift and he by via the tourist office. Jack padded over to Ianto and picked him up, cuddling him close. He sighed in irritation. His advances on Gwen earlier had failed, even though he knew she wanted him. He was getting seriously horny. He'd been waiting for ages and had been so close to getting into Ianto's pants, then this happened. All told, he hadn't had sex in over two months. He was starting to get seriously cranky. He collected his thoughts and tickled Ianto's ribs as he wandered over to the r&r area. "How about we watch a movie?" He asked, idly stroking the baby's hair as he settled onto the sofa, Ianto in his lap.

"As long as it isunt Si-Fye or Howuw." Ianto replied, his cute lisp making Jack almost say 'squee'. "I'm in the mood for a comudy." Jack peered at the DVD collection, picked out _50 First Dates_ and slotted it into the machine, snuggling down on the sofa with Ianto in his arms.

Owen changed his outfit four times. It wasn't that he cared what Tosh thought. He just knew he was amazing, and needed to look his best at all times. Deciding on jeans and a dark blue T-Shirt, which advertised him as 'THE SEX', he preened his hair a little, pulled on some shoes and a leather jacket, and headed out to pick Tosh up. She looked pretty good too, in a cute green dress which stopped at the knee, and showed some cleavage, and some matching green strappy shoes. Good enough to be on his arm, he decided, and told her she looked nice. Big mistake, her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and she stuttered over her thank you. He took her to a favourite haunt, a bar in the city centre which was busy enough to be fun, but not too loud, and they began the evening with Mojitos and talk about work.

Several hours and several bars later, Owen decided it was time to head home. He asked Tosh back to his for a nightcap, and decided he wanted to have sex with her after all. They were both fairly pissed, so it could all be blamed on drink in the morning. As they walked, Owen recalled that he'd left his satchel in the hub. He really needed it, so they took a detour, and descended into the darkened building on the invisible lift. As they reached the bottom, Owen opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by Tosh, who put her hand over his mouth and pointed. Jack was lying on the sofa, curled around baby Ianto. The two were sleeping peacefully, and looked the picture of cute. Even Owen had to let out a small awww, once Tosh had removed her hand. Quietly, he snuck across the room and retrieved his bag, before climbing back onto the lift with Tosh and riding it back to surface level. Time to head home. He wound an arm round Tosh's waist, and as they walked, his hand slowly slipped downwards to rest on her bottom. She looked at him through her lashes and smiled, so he left it there.

Tosh smiled as Owen's hand came to rest on her bum. He was finally coming on to her. HER. She was tempted to jump up and down and yell 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' at the top of her lungs, but settled instead for a coy smile and snuggling closer to him as they walked. He was really quite warm, and since she hadn't brought a jacket, she needed his body heat. Tonight was going to be fun, she mused, as they walked back to his flat, chattering about their childhoods, and stopping for an occasional drunken fumble or snog. Tonight was going to be very fun.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note/ disclaimer: All hail the Beeb and RTD, for they own everything. I'm just having fun with it all for kicks. Rating raised for some steamy Tosh and Owen action. Let me know if that's wrong as hell and I'll stop right now, thank you very much. Sorry it's taken me so long! This chapter's been a b to write, even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say all along... Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, you pushed me forwards. Really, the reviews make me go all warm and gooey inside and inspire me to channel my Janto fluff so fluffy!! Hugs for everyone, hope you enjoy, and thanks to my proof reader of the Gods, you know who you are ;)... Please continue to review, and I promise eternal cookies of fluffy Ianto-centric nonsense in return... Love xxx

P.S. Problems should be fixed now, thanks to those who pointed them out for me xxx

Owen fumbled with his keys, mainly because he was engaged in a fantastic kiss with Tosh. He broke the kiss, gasping for air, and managed to single out the right key and use it. They tumbled through the door together, and as soon as it was closed, Tosh had him pressed up against it, her hands up his shirt and her tongue in his mouth. Owen groaned and kissed back, throwing his satchel down and moving to wrap his arms round Tosh's waist. From out of the darkness to his left, a voice hissed, gravelly and distant,

"Witness the voice of the beast. I have come for your soul. Prepare yourself for death." Owen, who would later claim he just jumped a bit (Tosh would back him up because she was feeling sympathetic towards his ego) leapt about three feet into the air, screaming like a girl, and hid himself behind Tosh, shaking. Tosh simply straightened, and flicked on the light, displaying... nothing.

"Owen. I've heard that recording before. It's from a popular spoof on YouTube. I think you've just been had." She descended into fits of giggles, and made her way over to his bag.

"NO! Tosh! Don't! It'll kill you!" Owen yelled, backing into a corner.

"You're such a girl!" Tosh announced, opening the front pocket and removing the voice box. She waved it at him, and pressed the button down. It repeated the threat, slightly less menacingly this time. Owen stopped his protesting and simply looked at the box in utter shock. "Are you alright?" Tosh looked down at the box. "Hmm... This is the recorder from that stupid toy elephant Gwen bought for Ianto..." She was interrupted by a yell of fury.

"That little shit! I was nice to him! I changed his fucking nappies! I did it with minimal fucking ridicule. I'm gonna fucking kill him!!" Owen lunged for the voice box as though it was Ianto and he wanted to strangle it. Tosh stepped sideways and he ended up falling over headfirst into his umbrella stand. Cursing a little more, he stood up and glared at her.

"Calm down, Owen. If you let it get to you, he'll have won. Anyway, it's probably payback for when you got him into real trouble last week by replacing Jack's special coffee blend with decaf. You two really ought to stop these pranks. Someone's going to get hurt soon. Although, I have to say... your face..." She burst out laughing again, and in between giggles managed to blurt out, 'Talk about killing the mood!" Owen fumed.

"Great, so not only has he nearly given me a heart attack and made me look stupid, he's stopped me getting laid. He's dead. I'm putting arsenic in his beaker. No... that's too nice... I'm gonna..." He stopped to see Tosh looking at him without a trace of humour on her face.

"Smooth, Owen. Next time you want to 'get laid', go pick up a hooker. I'm not your whore." She threw the voice box at him and stormed out, leaving him standing in his hall listening to the evil voice. It was then that he noticed the front of his trousers was rather damp... Thank God Tosh hadn't noticed THAT!!

Ianto blinked and rubbed his eyes. He snuggled closer to Jack's chest, breathing in the comforting smell of sleep, and let out a satisfied mewl. Jack stirred, his arms wrapping round Ianto tighter, and groaned.

"You awake?" he asked, peering down at the baby burrowed into his chest.

"Nope," Ianto replied, looking up, bleary-eyed and gorgeous. Jack smiled down at him and pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa tighter over them both. Yawning, he wriggled into a new position, then allowed Ianto to settle himself, before he found the remote and switched the TV from the DVD menu screen to the morning news. As the reporter began a particularly interesting discussion about chavs with whomever the latest celebrity was, Jack roused himself and went to make coffee. To his dismay, he was almost out of his favourite kind. He'd have to go shopping later, and take Ianto. He wouldn't know where to buy the stuff. He finished his own, made a beaker full of steamed milk for Ianto and settled back down on the sofa, curled around the baby, who was sound asleep again.

When Ianto awoke, he found himself being carried carefully down to the Torchwood shower block. He blinked up at Jack, who smiled down at him.

"Morning sleepyhead." He grinned and allowed the child to shift in his arms. "Gonna give you a bath. I know you love to be clean." The grin on Jack's face was slightly inane, and Ianto wondered what he was in for. His suspicions, and worst nightmares, were confirmed when Jack set him down on a bench and revealed a baby bathtub which had been set up in the middle of the room. It was filled with bubbles. Ianto was sure there was water underneath them, but he was equally sure that there couldn't be much of it! The bubbles were overflowing, spilling across the white tiled floor, he was sure they would suffocate him. Gwen bounced in, her arms full of baby lotion, No More Tears shampoo, rubber ducks and other bath toys. Ianto suppressed the baby instincts which sparked with glee at the sight of a particularly interesting wind up boat.

"What time is it?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Nine fifteen." Jack replied, throwing him a smile. Ianto looked at the delight in Jack's face that he got to play with the bath toys too, and threw caution to the wind, deciding that if it made Jack happy, he could play the baby.

"Gwen's not gonna stay here wile I baff is she?" Gwen frowned.

"Not if you don't want me to sweetie." Ianto looked at the disappointment on her face. Frankly, Rhys needed to get her pregnant. And soon. Who was he to deny her deepest desires? It wasn't like she'd never seen him naked before. She'd walked in on him in the shower on her second day at work, and spent the rest of the week bright red with embarrassment. He was just a little... smaller... now. He shook his head and smiled sweetly.

"No, it's okay. Jack wood only get shampu in my eyes anyway." She giggled and grinned like it was Christmas before scooping some of the bubbles out of the bath.

"There are far too many bubbles in here. You'll suffocate him, Jack" She giggled again, flicking foam at the captain, who grinned in a predatory fashion and joined the game, coating her in a layer of foam. He sculpted a nice Father Christmas beard on her chin in foam, and she gave him lovely foam boobs. Ianto was so busy laughing at it all, that he didn't notice the shift in mood for a moment. One minute they had been wrestling each other to avoid more foam, the next, Jack was on the floor on his back with Gwen on top of him, and time seemed to stop. Ianto considered their position. It was vaguely familiar to him. Jack looked his way, guiltily, and that snapped Gwen out of it. She jumped back as if burned and turned a vicious shade of ruby, mumbling something about needing to get Ianto into the bath, and shuffled over to Ianto to help him out of his clothes. Ianto smiled at her warmly, then looked at Jack, who was looking at his shoes uncomfortably. Ianto giggled at him. He didn't really mind Jack flirting with Gwen, or the fact that if she lost her moral compass, Jack would be on top of her within seconds. Their love was more like a protective brother and sister thing. If they ever kissed, they'd work that out pretty quickly. Although, thinking about it, Ianto wasn't sure if Jack's lack of morality stretched to shagging his sister. If he had a sister. He hoped there was a line Jack wouldn't cross, and that incest was firmly on the other side of it. Either way he needed to lighten the mood, so he grinned what he hoped was a wolfish grin, and loudly said,

"Pass me the rubber ducky, Jack?" Jack grinned at him and giggled before gesturing at the pile of about 10 different varieties of duckies.

"Any particular model, baby?" Ianto giggled. Jack calling him baby was just too funny for him. He perused the pile, and found himself alarmed.

"Is that pink won a vibwator?" His eyes widened. "I'll go for the bwue one wiv the skweeker. It looks sayf at least!" Jack collapsed as he spied the vibrator duck Ianto had mentioned. It was, indeed, a bath toy for grown-ups. He looked at Gwen and cried with laughter. She looked innocent.

"Oh, I did wonder why the lady looked at me funny when I bought that. Well how was I to know it was a sex toy? Who turns a duck into a vibrator?" She began to giggle too. "She must have thought I had some kind of baby role-play fetish! Poor girl!" She scooped Ianto up and plopped him into the bath. It was satisfyingly warm and smelt of soap and jasmine. Ianto inhaled the smell and relaxed into the bubbles, smiling. Then jumped out of his skin as Jack advanced on him menacingly with the vibrator duck. He squeaked and threw his hands up in defence. Jack stopped his attack and dropped the duck to the floor, laughing like a loon.

"If we cawwy on like this, I'll never be cwean!" Ianto giggled. "Can I play wiv the bowt?" He pointed at the one he had seen earlier and Gwen passed it to him. He began to look at the wind up mechanism, and within seconds, had taken the boat apart.

"Not what you're supposed to do, Yan, you're supposed to play with it in a childish sense, not tinker with it like Tosh!" Jack grinned, reaching for the shampoo. Ianto just grinned and put the boat back together as Gwen wet his hair and Jack gently massaged in the shampoo.

Thirty minutes of giggling later (trying to wash Ianto's feet had been an experience. How could one person possible be that ticklish?) Jack carried a freshly bathed Ianto upstairs and sat him beside the coffee machine.

"Crap. Yan, I left my earpiece in the shower room. Don't move, I'll be right back." Jack sauntered off back to the shower block. Ianto sat and twiddled his thumbs. He noticed Tosh looking at him strangely, but she looked away when she caught his eye. He wondered how her date with Owen had gone. Thinking about it, where was Owen? He barely had time to register this question before said doctor stormed into the Hub and towards him, menacingly, with fury written all over his face. 'Oh,' thought Ianto, 'the trick worked...' He then stopped thinking promptly as Owen was still advancing and he was looking like he might hurt Ianto, baby or not.

"You think you're so fucking funny Teaboy! Well how about I knock your smile off your stupid baby face?" The doctor screamed, advancing rapidly. Just as Owen was about to enter the kitchenette and knock Ianto out, Jack's arm appeared and stopped him.

"I wouldn't even try it." Jack sneered in his most commanding voice, which, despite his usual shouting, was quiet and sounded deadly. "You touch him, you die." Jack dropped his arm, and Owen glared at Ianto for a second before sagging, turning, and storming off into the tunnels. Ianto heard a door slam, and blinked, releasing the breath he hadn't realised he was holding. Owen had gone even more ballistic than he'd thought. That could mean only one thing, he must have gotten in the way of sex. Ianto looked at Tosh. She was a little pink in the face, and wouldn't meet his eye. When she did, he mouthed, 'sorry' and she looked away again quickly.

Jack sighed, and scooped Ianto up into his arms, hugging him close and breathing in the smell of shampoo and baby. Ianto buried his face into the Captain's neck, embarrassed, and made himself small.

"I'm taking Ianto shopping with me, we're almost out of my coffee. I'll be back as soon as possible, but I'll have my earpiece if you need me. Gwen, don't go after Owen, give him some time to cool down, then Tosh, you go. He's much less likely to punch you. See if you can calm him enough to do a report for Unit on the composition of that serum we confiscated from the Tamorphian tourist last month." Jack smiled warmly at his team, hitched Ianto further up his body, grabbed his coat, and left.

Ianto insisted that they go to Tesco for the shopping, saying that they were the only place which stocked Jack's favourite coffee, so Jack parked the massive SUV in the 'Mothers with Children' space (actually, over two spaces, but who's counting?) and went round to help Ianto un-strap himself and get out of the car. Carrying Ianto on his hip, he sauntered over to the trolleys, winking at a young woman struggling with a toddler about Ianto's size, who was throwing a tantrum. He looked questioningly between Ianto and the trolley seat, and when Ianto nodded, he slotted the boy into the chair and wheeled the trolley into the shop. Immediately, Jack wished he went shopping more often. The supermarket was full of fun things. He was immediately faced with the flowers.

Although everyone assumed that Jack was quite masculine, he had a soft spot for beautiful things, and flowers were certainly beautiful. In fact, sunflowers were one of his favourites. He had fond memories of a young Estelle blushing like a schoolgirl when he presented her with a beautiful bouquet of the bright yellow blooms when he was courting her. They had been his choice of flower since then. He plucked a bunch which contained a couple of sunflowers out and handed them to Ianto, smiling. The boy took them with a grin and put them into the trolley neatly. Jack looked down at him. It was odd. Jack Harkness had slept with men, women, aliens, the lot. He'd had species some people, even in his own time, had thought it was impossible to be sexually active with. Occasionally, he'd met someone and had a short relationship. He'd loved many people, but only three times in his life had he fallen in love. All three times it had been with women. He hadn't loved Captain John, and he hadn't really loved the Doctor, just been infatuated with him. The first woman he loved had been a kind of mentor to him. After his father died, his mother had wasted away so quickly. He had been left alone, but she had taken him in and looked after him. She was impractically too old for him, and loved him like a son, but he was devoted to her. She had introduced him to the Time Agency, taught him everything he knew, then had disappeared without a trace, leaving him broken.

The second woman he had fallen in love with had been an alien. It hadn't mattered to him. She was beautiful, humanoid, with flowing purple hair which fell to her waist, each strand capable of moving independently. He remembered waking up to her gently tickling him every morning. He'd had to kill her himself, she had been a terrorist of sorts, attempting to undermine the Shadow Proclamation, and it was his job at the time to deal with such things. He had locked away his heart for nearly a hundred years, even married without love, until he met Estelle. Yes, Captain Jack Harkness had had men, but he loved women, so why was it that he found himself wanting to throw himself to the floor and propose to Ianto Jones, even though he had been turned into a baby? He stared into Ianto's eyes and smiled. Maybe he was changing, and maybe it was a good thing.

He was snapped back to reality when Ianto coughed suddenly and pointed at the clock. He checked, it was 11 am. He wasn't sure why Ianto wanted him to know that until he put two and two together and remembered that Ianto might suddenly age a year any minute. He wheeled the trolley to the section of the shop which had toilets, and lifted Ianto out, taking him into the baby changing unit. Setting him down on the nappy changing surface, he smiled, and waited. Sure enough, at the appointed time, Ianto felt the dizziness and the pain, and collapsed once more, ageing another year in the process. Thankfully, Jack had dressed him in age 3 clothing, so he wasn't uncomfortable. He blinked up at Jack, and hauled himself into a sitting position.

"Ok. Let's do sum shopping yeah?" He asked with a cheeky grin. Jack smiled and lifted him, leaving the toilet and collecting the trolley before setting off into the shop to get supplies, and wondering when watching the object of your affections collapse and age a year at just gone eleven in the morning every day became normal.

He wheeled the trolley through the aisles systematically, and picked up the items Ianto pointed at. Many shoppers found it perplexing that he was listening to the commands of a three year old. One woman even choked on her chewing gum when Ianto said matter-of-factly,

"No, you imbursill! Tosh onwy likes soyer milk. Put the goat's milk down and get the soyer. And then we want sum probuyotic yogurts." Jack had done as instructed, smiling sheepishly at his mistake, and rolled over to get some Yakult.

Finally, with an almost-full trolley, (Jack had insisted on buying lubricant, strawberries, massage oil and a My Little Pony lollipop, for himself) they reached the tea and coffee section. Jack gazed at the mesmerising and seemingly limitless variety of coffee. Bypassing the instant section, which he knew Ianto wouldn't even spit at, he stopped in front of the expensive real coffees and looked expectantly at Ianto.

"Which one is it? I've never seen the packaging, just the jars you keep it in." Ianto smiled a devilish smile and pointed to the bottom shelf. Jack stooped, went to pick up the coffee, and stopped. He read the label, looked at Ianto and back and then re-read _Tesco Value Cafetiere Coffee._ He straightened and glared at Ianto. "Seriously? You're kidding? You give me own brand value coffee?" Ianto looked innocent.

"You like the coffee. You say it's the best in the wurld. Who am I to cwueshchun your obviouswy cweshchunabul taste?" Jack glared some more, before bending to retrieve the biggest bag he could find. When he straightened, Ianto was actually crying with laughter, and there was quite an audience of amused spectators, smirking and wondering why the child was being asked for coffee advice. "You compwete dunce! Do you weally fink I'd buy vawue coffee? I'm a snob!" He giggled as Jack replaced the coffee, and pointed instead at a fancy looking bag about halfway up, with gold lettering and several 'awards' advertised on it. "Your won is that won. Owen and Gwen have the purpul won on the top shewf, and Tosh has the black bag next to yours." He grinned as Jack got the coffee, then proceeded to tickle him senseless, before grabbing him out of the trolley and swinging him round a few times, causing Ianto to giggle and wriggle. One lady placed a hand on Jack's arm as he settled the boy back in the trolley. Jack turned to face her, and she said, her tone serious,

"Your son is very intelligent." Jack fought the urge to laugh, and went with it, he knew kids could be a real lady magnet.

"Thanks so much. Do you have kids of your own?" The woman smiled and shook her head.

"No, but I'd love to one day. Just thought I'd compliment you, you're obviously doing a great job on his education." She turned on her heel and left, as Jack called a 'thanks' after her. Ianto rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Alrite Captin horny! Get a mowve on!" Jack chuckled and began to push the trolley towards the checkout.

Once Jack had finished flirting with the till assistant, and successfully gotten her phone number, and had goosed the man who looked after the trolleys, the two clambered back into the car. Or rather, Jack deposited Ianto on his new car-seat, which had been bought in store, and climbed into his own side, before starting the engine.

"Now, I was thinking. It's pretty obvious you're ageing a year a day, every day. So, we're gonna need some more clothes for you. How about I take you to the centre and we find some stuff for the next week or so?" Ianto nodded sagely, and Jack set off, parking in the multistorey by Debenhams, and carrying Ianto into the huge building. It didn't take long to find somewhere which sold children's clothes, and soon, Ianto was picking out outfits for the next week. Ever practical, he chose several pairs of jeans, and a few cute T-Shirts. Jack had insisted on some cute dungarees and an orange top for tomorrow, so he only had six outfits to compose. Finally, they had all the necessary items in all the right sizes, and Jack bought a few pairs of shoes too, for safety, and also because he found himself with a non-sexual fetish for tiny, tiny trainers. They went to the check out and put everything on the Torchwood credit card (that's right, designer baby gear courtesy of her Majesty!) before getting coffee for Jack and steamed milk for Ianto (with vanilla syrup this time) and getting into the SUV for the third time that day.

Safely back at the hub, Jack instructed Gwen to put the shopping away, and look after Ianto. Tosh was nowhere to be seen and nor was Owen. Jack took that to be a good thing, and went to have a shower. He was feeling seriously distracted... He stripped off his clothes, and stepped under the hot spray, tilting his face upwards to allow the water to fall on him like rain. He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back, and let his mind wander to before Ianto had changed...

Jack heard a crash from somewhere in the hub. He jumped up, gun already drawn, but realised it was Ianto shifting things, and holstered the Webley quickly. Smiling, he stood at the door to his office and watched the young man for a moment. He was struggling with some boxes, containing new computer equipment for Tosh. Jack had gotten over the whole cyberwoman incident quickly. In fact, if anything it had strengthened his trust for Ianto. It was clear that the boy's loyalty was unbreakable. Now that loyalty was to Jack. It turned him on more than a little. He decided to have mercy on Ianto's biceps, and slunk down the steps to relieve him of one of the boxes. He'd begun to flirt with Ianto more and more recently, even going so far as to kiss him gently on a few occasions. Nothing but chaste pecks for now, he knew that Ianto had never been with a man before, and that despite the obvious attraction between them, the boy was nervous. Quite rightly so, Jack thought, considering his track record as a sexual beast.

He took the box and hefted it onto the space that had been cleared for it on the desk, then stood back to allow Ianto to deposit his, before moving in as the younger man turned to pin him to the edge of the desk. Alarm crossed Ianto's face, but he quickly relaxed and smiled slightly, blushing a little.

"I really have to set these consoles up, Sir." He said, looking down, and avoiding Jack's eyes. Jack reached out to tilt Ianto's face upwards, forcing him to meet he gaze, then let his hand move to cup the boy's cheek, gently trailing the pad of his thumb over his cheekbone. This skin was hot to the touch, and redenning quickly unter Jack's intense attention.

"They can wait." He whispered, his other had gently trailing up Ianto's side, fingertips barely brushing the charcoal wool of his suit. Ianto shuddered almost imperceptibly, and had Jack not been so close, he may not have noticed. "May I kiss you?" He asked, looking into Ianto's eyes and smiling softly. His eyes widened slightly, and his mouth fell open temptingly.

"Uh... Ok." He nodded, and Jack slowly closed the distance between them, gently sealing their mouths together in a soft, chaste kiss. He was reluctant to pull back, so let the kiss linger a little, and was taken by suprise when Ianto began to kiss him back softly, his hands coming up to rest on Jack's shoulders. Jack slid his hand round to cup the back of Ianto's neck, and opened his eyes, to see Ianto's closed before him, a look of concentration on his face. He smiled into the kiss and Ianto's eyes opened suddenly, before he pulled away a little too soon for Jack's liking. "What's funny?" He asked, a look of panic on his face.

"Nothing, it was more of a smile of triumph actually." Jack grinned, carressing Ianto's face again, and was yet again surprised when instad of dropping his hands to his sides, Ianto returned the favour, fingertips ghosting over Jack's cheekbones, tickling him a little, but in such a good way. "You're even more than I expected you to be." If it was possible, Ianto blushed even more, and took Jack by surprise for the third time that evening by leaning forward to place a more exploratory kiss upon the Captain's mouth. Jack groaned and tightened his hold on Ianto, pulling their bodies flush together, and causing Ianto to gasp. He used the opportunity to run his tongue over the exposed bottom lip, earning him a shudder, as Ianto allowed him to deepen the kiss. He used his tongue to explore his new lover, finding out what Ianto liked and disliked, the things which caused him to make small sounds of pleasure and convulsively grip harder with the hand which had now slipped to the back of Jack's head, and was gently carding through his hair. He held Ianto steady with the hand on his face, and ran the other over his shoulders and back, settling it at his waist. Finally, they had to break for air, and when he opened his eyes, Jack saw Ianto panting, his eyes dark and his lips swollen from the kisses. He groaned again, wishing he could just have him now, take him to his room, throw him on the bed and... But no, he had to take this slow, he had promised Ianto not to push him, and he didn't want to hurt the boy.

"Wow..." Ianto said, blush returning and a small, shy smile tweaking the corners of his mouth. "That was amazing." Jack grinned and stepped back a little, breaking the contact.

"Let me know if you ever want a repeat performance." Jack winked. "Now, get back to work!" He mocked, wagging his finger, before turning and striding back into his office, half because he loved being a tease, and half because if Ianto saw how aroused Jack had become, he'd be sure to get scared off.

Jack smiled at the memories as the water rushed over him. He massaged some shampoo into his hair, and rinsed it as he recalled how shy Ianto had been for the rest of that day. Finally, he was clean. He looked down at himself, grimacing as he noted his reaction to the memories. He'd tried it on with practically everyone he'd met today and still no luck. Sighing, he resigned himself, and stepped back under the spray to solve his 'problem'.

Tosh sighed, and continued on through the maze of tunnels, following the clanging sounds coming from up ahead. She tried calling again,

"Owen! Owen, can we talk?" No reply. Once more, she sighed, and rounded a bend just in time to see Owen kick a pipe and then flop to the floor in frustration. She'd been slowly trailing him through the corridors for nearly an hour now, so to actually catch up with him was a bit of a shock to her. She stood and watched momentarily, before advancing slowly, as one would advance on a wild animal. "Owen? Are you okay?" She asked softly, as she drew alongside him, crouching to be on his level. He glared up at her, the very picture of a stubborn, moody teenager, and snorted. Taking that as a 'I'm sulking, leave me alone', she put her hand on his arm and smiled weakly.

"Go away Tosh." She grinned in a conspiratory way.

"Can't I'm lost. I haven't been keeping track of the turnings, just following you. Now, are you going to talk to me?" He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Thought you were pissed off at me?" She lowered her eyes and considered this. Sure, she was a little angry that he had seen her as a cheap lay, but she had to admit, she had wanted the sex anyway.

"No, I was just playing hard to get..." He almost smiled then, and she knew she was winning the fight against the sulk monster which resided within Owen. "Maybe we could try again sometime?" Now he did smirk.

"As long as we don't take my bag with us this time." She giggled a little. "Why is Ianto such a cock?" He pouted.

"To be fair, Owen, you're a bit of a cock yourself where he's concerned." She smiled into his glare, and tried a more diplomatic approach. "If you'd done it to him, you'd have found it hilarious." He smirked a little.

"True." He looked across at her. "How come you're so bloody fantastic Tosh?" She blushed and smiled.

"I'm not, really.. I just..." Tosh was cut short by a forceful kiss from Owen. She gasped in surprise, and his tongue was down her throat before she could blink. Closing her eyes, she kissed back shifting her body so that she was over him, straddling his thighs. His hands were everywhere, her hair, face, shoulders, back, butt. Finally, they settled on her waist, pushing up the material of her top a little, and tickling at her sides. She whimpered and writhed, and that seemed to excite Owen even more, because she suddenly found herself flat on the floor with Owen on top of her, his mouth latched onto her neck. She gasped for air, and moaned again as he dragged his teeth across the sensitive skin before soothing it with a lick, his mouth working downwards and his hands upwards under the cotton of her top. She arched her back so that the offending article could be removed, and started to work on Owen's T-shirt, pulling it up over his shoulders, and running her hands down the exposed muscle of his arms. She shuddered as his mouth descended on her once more, and he pulled her into his lap, one hand working on the clasp of her bra, the other teasing her waist as he had before.

Owen triumphed over the underwear, and pulled back to look at Tosh's topless form. She really did have amazing breasts. He groaned loudly as she kissed him, then worked her way down his jawline to his neck, nipping at the pulse point, and sucking softly to leave marks of their encounter. His hands went instinctively to her chest, and she jumped.

"Fuck Owen, cold hands!" Before she pushed him onto his back, her mouth working further down his torso and her hands tickling his abdomen, before one slipped lower to toy with the catch of his jeans. He gasped and bucked his hips involuntarily, moaning as she found the zipper and undid it, her hand slipping inside.

"God, Tosh!" He groaned, pulling her face to him for another dizzying kiss as he worked on the buttons of her suit trousers. He wriggled out of his own trousers and underwear, gasping at the cold of the tunnels, then helped Tosh out of her own, noting with amusement that she didn't wear matching underwear. When they were both naked, he pulled her into his lap again, kissing her feverishly, before pulling back to look in her eyes. "Do you have condoms?" He asked, voice hoarse with desire.

"Uh... No... I... Wasn't expecting..." He silenced her with another kiss.

"Back pocket of my jeans." He gasped, as her hand moved lower between them. she turned and used the other hand to scrabble in the jeans, fishing in first one pocket, then the other before holding up a foil wrapper. "Perfect." He practically purred, as she ripped it open with her teeth, and sat back to allow her to roll the condom on. Sighing as she began to tease him, he looked into her eyes. "Sure about this?" He swallowed.

"Never more certain." She nodded, pulling him in for another kiss, as he lowered her onto the floor, shifting her to lie on his T-shirt to save her from the cold ground. Her lips travelled across his jawline, and as he pushed inside her, she whispered, her mouth on his ear, "I've wanted this for so long." He buried himself in her and stopped still, savouring the sensations of Tosh surrounding him, her mouth on his neck, arms around him and tangled in his hair, the scent of her perfume mixed with sweat and her own unique smell. It was sexy as hell. Groaning, he began to move, and that was when the insistant bleeping in both their earpieces started. Tosh moaned in frustration, bucking her hips into Owen. "Can't we just ignore them?" She groaned.

"Fine with me!" Owen replied, kissing the space between her neck and collar bone.

"No... No, we should answer." Tosh panted, pressing a hand to the earpiece. "Hello?"

"Toshiko!" Jack's voice sounded over the headset. "Is Owen with you?"

"Yes er... we're er..." She said, still gasping for breath as Owen purposely tried to distract her using his mouth in an extremely attention grabbing way on her left nipple.

"Get up here asap." Jack commanded. "Oh, hang on... You're out of breath. Now, I know what you sound like when you've been running and that's not it... Toshiko are you and Owen having sex?" Jack sounded half amused, half interested, and a little bit in awe. Owen smirked and touched his own headset.

"No, Jack, contrary to your fantasies, I am not bonking Tosh." Jack guffawed in triumph.

"If you're close enough to Tosh's headset to hear that, you really are having sex!" He started to giggle, so Gwen took over.

"Look, you two, Jack's received some stuff from Unit, we need to have a meeting about it so can you put your pants back on and get up here please?" Owen scowled. He wondered when he'd ever found Gwen attractive. Just her voice was scaring away his erection now! He rolled off Tosh, and helped her sit up.

"Sure thing, Your Majesty!" He said in clipped tones, before breaking the comm. link. Tosh did the same, and they dressed in silence, both embarrassed. "Look, Tosh, I don't want this to ruin us... I had a good time last night. Can we try to put it behind us?" Tosh smiled sweetly.

"Sure thing. It's not your fault Jack has the worst timing in the universe!" She giggled a little. "Ah well, time to face the music. Follow me, I'll lead you back to the hub." Owen turned to her.

"But you said you were lost."

"I lied." She turned and walked away, leaving him staring at her but, before jogging to catch up with her.

When Tosh rounded the corner into the main hub, she was met with raucous applause from her colleagues, and wehn Owen emerged behind her, someone pressed play on the sound system and a wedding march started up. Laughing his socks off, Jack turned on the fan on Gwen's desk, emptying the contents of a packet of confetti into the gust, and blowing the all over what he referred to as 'the happy couple'. Tosh glared pointedly at him, and she was pretty sure Owen was doing something similar, because the music and the fan suddely stopped with one press to Jack's wristband, and he exclaimed,

"Oh, come on! Your wedding day is a time for joy and elation! No more frowny faces, please." He giggled. "I now pronounce you caught-in-the-act-by-the-boss-during-working-hours-on-the-floor-of-a-dark-dingy-possibly-rat-infested-tunnel.You may kiss the Tech Expert!" He threw his arms wide and the room filled with laughter from Gwen, giggling from Ianto, and inane chuckling from Jack. Even Tosh and Owen had to see the funny side, and both cracked a smile. "Now, work to do! Boardroom everyone. Owen, for being such a sly dog, you get to make coffee!" Owen scowled and shuffled towards the kitchenette, leaving Ianto looking after him, horrified. Gwen picked him up and together they all made their way into the boardroom, Ianto sitting on Gwen's knee as Jack was pacing and frowning in true 'I'm brooding, and isn't it hot as hell?' Jack form.

Owen returned with the coffees and some juice for Ianto, and once everyone had a drink, and Jack had drained half a mug in one go, complaining it wasn't as good as Ianto's, the meeting began in earnest. Jack explained that Unit were trying to undermine Torchwood's authority in Cardiff, and take over running fot he area. He claimed it was because they wanted to run dodgy rift experiments and generally play the playground bully.

"But!" He added, emphatically, "We all know that the geeky kid wins in the end!" He grinned a sly grin. "So! Tosh, I want you to hack their mainframe and find all their rift plans so I can throw them in their face in the meeting tomorrow. Owen, I need you to analyse that serum we found. I'm sure it's an Arcadian truth serum, in which case I can spray them all with it and there'll be no double-crossing. Gwen, compile me a report on reasons why Torchwood is necessary and successful, and why a strictly military approach would be devastating to the handling of anything that comes through the rift. Give 'em your spiel about heart and first contact and fluffy nice aliens who 'come in peace' and all that. Ianto, just be cute. I know that's not difficult because you're practically edible, but be adorable. I'm taking you with em tomorrow, and I need you to help me disarm them. Whilst your being cute, it wouldn't hurt to familiarise yourself with the case so you're useful in the meeting." He smiled, sat back in his chair, arms behind his head, and looked at his team. After a minute, he leaned forward, drained the rest of his coffee and whispered. "Go!" There was a rush of movement as everyone went to do as they were told, and Jack was left with ianto at the boardroom table.

"You're funkshoning a lot bettur now. I take it your showur was good." Ianto grinned and winked.

"You could say that," Jack smiled. "Oh, the things you do to me, Ianto Jones." He picked the toddler up, chucking his cheek. "Time to do some serious undermining." He grinned and carried Ianto into his office,allowing him to read all the correspondence from Unit, whilst he hacked into their system and placed false evidence...

Several hours later, a grumpy-looking Owen, a pleased-looking Gwen, and an extremely tired-looking Tosh appeared in Jack's office. Owen handed Jack a large perfume bottle filled with a translucent liquid.

"It's definitely truth serum." Was all he said. Jack smiled.

"Brilliant work. It's gone eleven, so you can go home. Owen smiled weakly and shuffled out. Next up was Gwen. She handed him a report, and smiled her most charming 'aren't I amazing? love me! please love me!' smile.

"Everything's in there, and i think it's pretty convincing." Jack leafed through it. She had put it all under headers, done bullet points, even indexed it, and added pictures. He almost laughed at the futility of it.

"Great job, Gwen, go home. See Rhys." She smiled and bounced out of the office. Tosh stepped forward and handed him a data stick.

"I found the things you planted." She held up her hand to stop him before he could interrupt. "Yes, I know you planted them. I also found some things you didn't plant. It's all on the stick, plus their access codes and a profile for the mole in their command centre who gave you all this information, which you obviously didn't steal by hacking their mainframe." She smiled, and she had a right to. She was truly fantastic. "You don't have to tell me, I did well, I'm going home." She turned to go, but Jack stopped her.

"Tosh..." She turned. "I'm pleased for you and Owen... And... Thanks." She smiled sweetly.

"Goodnight, Jack." Still smiling, she turned and left. Jack looked down at Ianto, about to suggest an Indian for dinner, but the boy was already asleep. He smiled and gently carried him to the bedroom, slipping under the covers beside him and drifting off. Not exactly sleeping, but dreaming nonetheless.


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As we are all too aware, I don't own anthing, and I'm not making any money off this. Who'd pay for it Oo!? Sorry this chapter took so long. I had exams and then I had to do so much partying it hurt. It's been another difficult one, because Ianto's at that age where he can't just sit and be cute anymore, but he also can't really do much. He's slowly getting bigger though, and soon he'll be able to do stuff. Thanks for all the support from the reviews, you lovely bunch of people. If it weren't for the fact that people actually read it, I'd've quit already lol. Thanks again to my lovely beta, for the sake of a name let's call her Clarencedale. She is my own little Ianto She knows everything Oo. Love her. Love you. please R&R, it keeps me sane!! Sorry for the epic note!! Enjoy xxx

He tossed in his sleep, as dreams played across his mind. Strong hands caressed his chest, and he arched upwards into the sensation, feeling them travel lower, a warm mouth following their path down his abdomen and below the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. He looked down into his lover's beautiful blue eyes and sighed with pleasure as that mouth descended on him again.

"Jack" Ianto whispered as he woke, curled up in a ball and alone in Jack's bunk. He blinked, confused. Usually, when he had that kind of dream there was something to show for it. He looked down at himself, and rubbed his eyes groggily before he remembered that he was stuck in the body of a three year old boy. No wonder he didn't have a reaction! He scrunched up his face in a mixture of confusion, embarrassment and frustration. This was just so wrong! He couldn't be having sex dreams as a three year old, it was just… Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! How was he going to come to terms with this? It was just ridiculous. It had been bad enough having disturbingly vivid dreams about what he wanted his boss to do to him when he'd been an adult. Now it was beyond incomprehensible. Sighing, he decided to give sleeping another go, since Jack was so obviously absent. No luck there, as soon as he laid his head on the pillow, Jack bounded down the ladder, a bundle of electric energy, and swept him off the bed and into a bear hug.

"Morning baby." He grinned. "Hey, I could get used to calling you that, you don't mind do you?" Ianto sighed, decided to forget his rapidly fading dream, and snuggled into Jack's shoulder.

"S'long as you stop when I'm an adult agen, or you may find I start cawling you 'snuggul bunny' or somefing ecwuley sikuning and prissy." He smiled and played with a stray bit of Jack's hair, which was looking particularly fluffy today. Jack smiled down at him and began to climb the ladder back up to his office. "What time is it?"

"Eight thirty." Jack replied, padding towards the kitchenette for wake-up coffee. "We don't have to be in London until one pm, so I figured I'd let you sleep as much as you liked. We're gonna drive down, should leave at around eleven, after you've changed again." He plopped Ianto onto the work surface and proceeded to maul the coffee machine. Ianto grimaced. He'd seen that machine manhandled so much over the last few days. He couldn't wait until he was big enough to get it back under his control. It was going to need a thorough cleaning. Come to think of it, so was the rest of the hub. He glanced about the place at all the rubbish. Mugs, plates and bowls were interspersed with take-out packaging, chocolate wrappers, scrunched up bits of paper, and one sock. Honestly, one sock. Who loses a sock at work? And why only one? It wasn't even one of Jack's, because, Jack being Jack, all his had little tiny RAF symbols embroidered on them and the words 'Captain Jack Harkness- God of Sex' sewn around the tops, something which still made Ianto giggle every time Jack looked at him with puppy-dog eyes and asked him to do some washing for him because 'last time he broke the machine'. Yes, thought Ianto, hitting it with a hammer will do that.

"Can I have some tea?" He asked Jack, who turned looking scandalised.

"NO!" He practically shrieked. "You're a three year old! You can't have caffeine!" Ianto pouted his best pout, and Jack's resolve wavered, but remained. "I'll make you a herbal tea. Tosh has loads."

"Don't bover!" Ianto grimaced. "Mite as well just give me hot worter, that's all thay tayste of. Fine, appul juice pwease." Jack filled his favourite beaker and handed it over, and Ianto sucked on it greedily. Turning from the coffee machine, the Captain studied him, a look of adoration on his face.

"How did you get so gorgeous?" He smiled, tickling Ianto's tummy, and earning him a surprised giggle. "And to think, I nearly didn't hire you!" Ianto smirked at him, as best he could from a three year old face.

"It was inevitubul you'd fall for the charm. If the terodactul hadn't wurked, I'd've tried wearing lethur, and let's face it, fetish is your middul name." Jack choked on his coffee.

"Funny you should say that…" He considered, smiling that smile he had for fond memories. "It was… Will be… Was… Oh it's popular where I come from." Ianto just stared, jaw on the floor. Then realised how stupid he was, as Jack smirked and added, "Almost as popular as the first name Gullible." And began tickling Ianto in earnest.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Ianto giggled, breathless, and tried to wiggle away. "Jack! Stop it, please! I will not be held wesponsubul for any acsidunts!" Jack stopped, giggling himself as he stood up and knocked back half a mug of coffee.

"Right, I'm gonna have a shower. Behave until I get back. And no more pranks on Owen, please. If you were older, I'd discipline you for that one." He winked. "And not in a good way." He lifted Ianto off the work surface and let him toddle off towards the sofa, before wandering over to the shower block to make himself look sinful enough to make the Unit toffs grovel.

Ianto settled himself on the sofa and channel hopped for a while, before settling on some cartoon. It was crappy, and it had puppets, but the bright colours were distracting, and he soon found himself hypnotised by the screen. Jack returned twenty minutes later to find him sat exactly there, barely blinking, mouth slightly open, eyes wide. He smiled down at the child and went to put some clothes on. When he got back, Ianto still hadn't moved.

"Okay, I'm gonna ration your TV. It seems to turn you into a zombie." He said as he switched the box off. "And you know I don't like it when your full attention isn't on me."

"Huh?" Ianto said, blinking.

"Never mind. Let's get you dressed." He walked into the office, and Ianto toddled after him slowly, only falling over once, and it wasn't his fault he'd tripped on the wire, he blamed Tosh. Jack was waiting with a fresh set of clothes, a warm, soft flannel, and a fluffy towel. He quickly scrubbed Ianto clean and took his time gently drying him, tickling as he went. Finally, he helped Ianto put on his clothes, grinning with pleasure at just how cute Ianto looked in tiny dungarees and miniature Converse. He scooped him up again, and took him back to the kitchen to make breakfast, just as Tosh came in.

"Morning boys!" She grinned, sashaying over to the coffee machine to make herself a double espresso. Whilst the machine whirred to life, she turned to Ianto, a look of awe on her face, clasped her hands together under her chin and practically squealed. "Oh, you look adorable! Look at those little shoes! Sorry, Ianto, but I can't help it, you're just too cute!" Ianto grinned, and blushed, eyes directed firmly at the floor, swaying on the spot, hands clasped behind his back, he looked the picture of innocence. The coffee machine beeped, and Tosh took her coffee. "Right, I'll get out of your way. Jack, since the hub is set to alert us all by text if anything happens today, we've decided to take it in shifts of who's here. I'm up first, then Gwen, then Owen. Is that okay?"

"Fine by me. We're just about to have some breakfast. Want some?" He opened the fridge. "Mmmm, left over pizza, korma, and strawberry yoghurt. Niiice. Ianto's got fruit too, if you fancy something healthy."

"I hope you're not mixing the pizza, korma and yoghurt together! I could go for some yoghurt, and maybe an apple." She smiled. Jack plucked a few things out of the fridge and from the fruit bowl, and set about peeling and chopping them into a healthy fruit salad for Ianto. Once that was done, they wandered as a group over to the boardroom, where they sat and ate in a companionable silence. Jack glanced at the clock, it was 9:34. He had just over an hour and a half to buff up on his notes before he had to go to the meeting with Unit. Once the food was finished, he cleared his throat.

"Right, we'll get out of your way and prepare for this meeting. You do… whatever it is you're working on at the moment…"

"Calibrating the water tower to intercept all off-world communications before they go to NASA or anywhere else stupid enough to start a war."

"Yeah, that. You go do that…" He grinned and she stooped to clear the table. He lifted Ianto gently, and as he passed Tosh, patted her gently on the bum, leaving the room to the sound of her giggle and some half-hearted reprimand. He glanced down at Ianto, who was giving him a look. "What?" He asked, pulling his 'trust me I'm a sweet innocent ex-Time Agent, ex-con-artist, clinically insane nymphomaniac' face.

"You acshully are insashubul aren't you?" Ianto smirked. It was amazing, but even as a three year old, he'd already perfected the eyebrow thingy.

"Yup." Jack grinned, settling Ianto on his desk and passing him a file to read through. "Now, let's cram! They're gonna talk about the dangers of not having a full military force in Cardiff to protect against 'imminent alien invasion'. We need to counter with the fact that we've already stopped a few invasions ourselves, and quote a few references of times when using a military approach would have landed us in the shit. Like the time with the Hakerinian ambassador, who only decided not to destroy the planet because you offered him refreshments promptly. Then they'll say we've just been lucky, and we haven't had anything too dangerous to deal with. We'll tell them a few choice stories concerning some of out more challenging foes. They'll use that as an excuse to have a military presence. We'll throw out a few of their misdemeanours and their gun-happy mistakes, like the time they blew up a factory in Surrey because it was an alien base, and it turned out it was nothing more than a late-night bingo hall for OAPs. Finally, we'll present the 'secret plans' we found on the system detailing the heinous experiments they want to conduct on weevils, to see if they can be tamed an used as mercenaries, and the dangerous rift-probing they want to do. If that doesn't stop them, I'll go ballistic and you can cry." He grinned and Ianto laughed at him. The plan sounded ok to him. He closed the file he had been glancing over and wriggled off the table and into Jack's lap, snuggling into his tummy.

"M'kay." He mumbled, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep. Jack smiled down at him, then carried on sifting through his seemingly endless string of emails. Only a couple of weeks, he thought, then I can have my Ianto back. Ianto woke, in the same position, overwhelmed by a familiar feeling of pain, dizziness and tingling. He was conscious for all of a second, before he collapsed on Jack's lap. "Ngh." He groaned, rubbing his eyes as he sat up, feeling altogether more co-ordinated.

"You're getting heavier." Jack grinned, stroking a hand through the ever-thickening mop of black hair which Ianto was cultivating. "Feeling ok? Ready to go?"

"Yeah." Ianto nodded, and slid off Jack's lap to wander off into the Hub. He followed the Captain to the garage, and made his way towards the SUV before Jack coughed, and pointed to the other side of the large space. Where the spare SUV would usually be parked stood a shiny, silver, really quite pretty Mazda convertible. He grinned, and all of a sudden wished his legs were long enough to drive.

"You Don't think I'd turn up to Unit with the SUV full of all our special secret technology? This way, we not only look hot and make them stare, we avoid them stealing any of Toshiko's technical brilliance." He bent to lift Ianto gently, resting him on his hip as he clicked the button on the keys, opening the doors. Ianto soon found himself settled in the comfortable leather seat, and strapped in securely, whilst Jack flopped into the drivers seat and closed the door, starting the ignition. The roof was up, which was fine by Ianto, because it was bound to be raining outside. Jack leaned forward and fiddled with the radio until something he liked popped up. Ianto rolled his eyes, he himself had never been too fond of music from the 40s, but when Jack started quietly singing along, he decided he could cope. Who'd have known that his Captain was a good singer too?

They pulled out of the garage, waving goodbye to a smiling Tosh, and set off towards the M4. Jack's singing and the movement of the car soon lulled Ianto into a dreamless nap. Jack smiled over at him and continued to sing, whilst going at almost twice the speed limit. When Ianto woke, bleary eyed, he looked at the road signs to discover that they were already nearing London. He straightened himself and watched the world fly past - far too fast- from his window. After another ten minutes or so, they pulled into an imposing compound with armed guards patrolling the parameter, and a fully armoured gatehouse to greet them. Jack pulled up to the window and grinned his best charming grin.

"Captain Jack Harkness, here to see the General. This is my assistant, Ianto Jones." The man on the gate quirked an eyebrow in Ianto's direction, amused.

"Hard to find good babysitters these days, isn't it? Cute kid. I'll just get your passes now Captain, and Lieutenant Fielding will meet you at the car park, which is just off to the left after the barrier." He handed over a couple of ID passes, and Jack winked and thanked him, before pulling into the car park he had mentioned and stopping the car. Smiling, he turned to Ianto. "Plan! How about, we let them believe you're my kid and I'm babysitting you. That way, they'll be off guard around you, and you can soak up all the information and process it in that amazing brain of yours?"

"I'm not calling you 'Daddy'. That would just be wrong." Jack smirked.

"Why?" Ianto looked incredulous.

"I've seen you naked, all but had sex with you. I've had my hand down your trousers! I'm NOT calling you Daddy!" Jack laughed.

"You've done more than that! Okay, just call me Jack." He popped open the door and went round to help Ianto out. Holding Ianto's hand, he turned to face the Lieutenant, who turned out to be a stunning brunette with an amazing set of breasts. Jack grinned and practically drooled. "Hello" He drawled in his best 'I wanna throw you down and have my wicked way with you right now' voice. "Captain Jack Harkness, pleased to meet you."

"Stop it!" He glanced down to see Ianto giving him a stern look.

"What? I'm just saying hello!" He grinned, holding his hand out to shake the woman's.

"Lieutenant Fielding. I'll take you to the meeting suite now. Hope your journey wasn't too stressful?" She was putting on a great 'not gonna work on me' act, but Jack could see in her eyes that she was just begging to be seduced. He reminded himself just who it was he was holding hands with, and nodded, following the Lieutenant.

"Not that bad at all, actually. Traffic was minimal." She smiled a coy smile back at him, and continued to lead the way into a big, ugly building and over to a lift. Once they'd all piled in, she pressed the button for the 7th floor, and stood back, arms folded in front of her. "So, Lieutenant. Will you be in the meeting?" He resisted the urge to add 'because I'll need something to look at when things get boring', and simply glanced at her, a slight smile on his face.

"Yes, actually, Captain Harkness, I will. I'm heading the investigation into Torchwood's misdemeanours. They are… Numerous, shall we say." She smiled icily, and Jack saw the game she was playing. He decided not to let her have any effect on him, and smiling brightly replied,

"Please, call me Jack. Maybe I could show you a few misdemeanours after the meeting? Say over dinner then coffee?" Whilst he said this, he looked Ianto directly in the eye, and Ianto, instead of reprimanding him for his brashness, simply smiled. Jack's eyes had told him he had no intention of sleeping with her now, he was trying to fluster her. And it worked. She went visibly red, opened and closed her mouth a few times then cleared her throat.

"I'm afraid I have to work this evening." The lift reached the correct floor and the doors pinged open. "Here we are…" She bustled ahead of him, face flushed.

"Such a shame." Jack grinned at her back, following slowly so Ianto could keep up. Jack - One. Unit - Nil. He looked down at Ianto, who grinned and lifted his arms to be picked up. Grinning, he obliged the toddler, and settled him gently on his hip. Finally, after a maze of tunnels, they reached a small suite at the back of the building, away from the noise of the troops. Lieutenant Fielding let them into a small lounge, promising to return shortly with the other Unit participants of the meeting, and refreshments would be on their way soon. Jack glanced around. Three CCTV recorders with sound capability that he could see, and probably more besides. He gave Ianto a look which said 'play along' and settled them both on the sofa. "So, baby, what do you think of the nice lady Lieutenant?" Ianto grinned his best childish grin.

"I like her. She's nise. But she sed her name was leftenunt, and you said it was lootenut. it's a funny name." He giggled. Jack was immediately impressed by his 'I'm a harmless four year old' act. But then again, Ianto never failed to impress him.

"It's not a name, baby, it's a title. I don't know what her first name is, but her last name is Fielding. Lieutenant is an army title. Like Captain only lower. 'Cept it's said differently in the UK and America." Ianto looked puzzled.

"She doesn't look like a soljer…" He frowned.

"I don't think she is a soldier. I think she tells soldiers what to do." Ianto grinned again.

"So she's their Boss… Just like you're Auntie Gwen's boss." Jack's eyes widened momentarily, almost imperceptibly, then he saw where Ianto was going with this.

"Sort of, yeah." He smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, his other hand rubbing small circles into his back. "Okay! I spy with my little eye… something beginning with…. C" Ianto giggled.

"Curtuns?"

"Nope."

"Carpet?"

"Nu uh."

"Seeling?"

"Not even close." Ianto narrowed his eyes as if to say 'fool, I've know from the beginning'.

"Captin Jack Harkness." Jack laughed.

"Yup, your go." Ianto giggled. As he was thinking, four imposing looking military types walked in and introduced themselves. Neither Jack nor Ianto paid much attention to any names, except that of the obvious leader, General Stokes. He was a greying war veteran in his late fifties. A hard face, grey eyes cut like diamonds, and a fairly impressive chin. Jack doubted he'd ever seen a more stereotypical looking Unit general. He even had a small, bristly moustache! Lieutenant Fielding entered shortly, a young man following her with a refreshments table.

"We weren't aware that you were bringing a child with you. I'll get someone to find something suitable for him to drink." The General said, eyeing Ianto with barely concealed displeasure.

"Don't worry, my assistant" He placed extra emphasis on the last word, "Can have milk." the General nodded curtly and pointed in the direction of the meeting room.

"Shall we get this over with, Harkness?" Jack smiled his best 'fuck off' smile and followed the General and his cronies into the meeting room, remarking on how his was bigger, and grinning at the exasperated look Lieutenant Fielding gave him. He seated himself at one end of the table, settling Ianto into the chair at his right, and watching the General seat himself at the far end. He grinned as Ianto put on his baby act and pulled the meeting minutes towards him, before tugging on Jack's sleeve.

"Can I have a crayon?" He asked, a small pout on his face. Jack chucked his cheek as the entire table bar the General awwwed at him. He looked about the table.

"I only have the one pen. Sorry, does anyone have anything he can draw with?" One of the younger looking men smiled and passed Ianto a black felt-tipped pen.

"It's all I have." Ianto grinned.

"Thanks mister." He began to doodle what appeared to be a crude picture of a pony on the back of the minutes. The General glowered at him, but he just grinned right back, not intimidated by the stuffy old man.

"Right." Stokes growled. "Shall we get on with this?" He shuffled some papers before him.

"By all means, begin your presentation on why you want to take over the duties of my team and bully your way into running Cardiff." The General's eyes narrowed even more.

"First things first, Harkness" Stokes spat, "This is not a power struggle." Jack leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head.

"Could've fooled me." He snarled back.

"I am not concerned about your ego, Captain. Unit is only concerned about the welfare of the people of Cardiff, and the imminent alien threat. We want to protect them in the best way possible, and putting a military presence in Cardiff would help to do that." Jack would almost have believed those words as sincere, if the General's own team hadn't been looking at him like he'd just told the biggest lie in history.

"I'd love to believe that, General." Jack said with a sly smirk, then glanced at Ianto, smiling sincerely. "But I have my own people to protect." Ianto looked up and they shared a smile. "And I have a sneaking suspicion that you'd only put them in more danger." He rested his arm across the back of Ianto's chair and smiled at Stokes. "I happen to have a little idea of what your true plans may be." Ianto looked at Jack again, puzzled.

"Jack. Is that man gonna do bad stuff to Cardiff?" His lip began to wobble far too convincingly. "I don't like him." Jack took the opportunity to sweep Ianto into his lap, dragging the colouring over to them. He hugged Ianto tight.

"No, Yan, I'm not gonna let him do bad stuff to Cardiff. Not even the weevils." Ianto giggled.

"I like the weevuls. Thay make me larf." He grinned. "Mister Genrul… Do you like weevuls?" The General sighed.

"No, boy, I do not like weevils. I don't like any creature which imposes itself upon this planet." Jack sighed.

"And yet, you afford the Doctor security clearance to all areas of Unit. What you fail to understand, General, is that the weevils don't choose to be here. They're lost, thousands of light-years away from their home. We need to find a way to accommodate them, not eradicate them." He placed a folder on the table. "In this file, I have evidence of your extensive plans to conduct brutal, inhumane scientific experiments on weevils in order to attempt to train them for military purposes. It seems you're quite happy to exploit the war-like traits of any species unfortunate enough to fall through the Rift." The General stood quickly and loomed across the table to snarl at Jack.

"Torchwood is NOT qualified to question the actions of Unit personnel or research staff. We're at the top of the chain of governmental organisations." Jack and Ianto sighed and rolled their eyes, saying simultaneously,

"Torchwood is outside the government, beyond the police." Or in Ianto's case something similar and lispy. Jack continued, "I don't think that Queen Victoria would have wanted her 'access all areas, do whatever you need to' organisation to bow to a collection of corrupted army veterans." He smirked into the General's death-glare, sat back in his seat and added, "Trust me, I met her." The General clicked his fingers and pointed at Lieutenant Fielding.

"Present your findings Lieutenant." He growled, and the woman stood up timidly, shuffling a few papers.

"Sir." The General settled into his seat, his eyes never leaving Jack's. "I've prepared a portfolio of misdemeanours at Torchwood Cardiff which could have caused widespread panic, alien invasion, or even the destruction of the world. Needless to say, most of them include Jack Harkness." Ianto cleared his throat.

"That's _Captin_ Jack Harkneth." The lieutenant looked at him and couldn't suppress a smile at the grin he was giving her.

"Anyway, I'll begin five years ago, when the Captain became leader of Torchwood three. On the New Years' Eve in question, there was a rampage of weevil activity across Cardiff resulting in two deaths and seven major injuries. These could have been avoided if sufficient personnel had been available to deal with the threats." Jack coughed.

"If the previous leader hadn't slaughtered everyone and then committed suicide, there would have been enough personnel." Lieutenant Fielding looked sceptical but flicked to the next page.

"In March this year, a new member of the team, Gwen Cooper, released a harmful alien into the atmosphere by not paying attention to her actions. That alien went on to end the lives of several civilians. If she had had proper military training then such an event would never have occurred." She looked pointedly at Jack, who grinned, remembering the merry chase the alien in question had led them on.

"She was in training at the time. People make mistakes on their first day. The alien was taken down as quickly as possible and no stories or conspiracies resulted. I'd say that's pretty good as a track record." the Lieutenant smirked.

"A good track record? Sir, with respect, I have a file here full to the brim with your own personal mistakes. The list is longer than this building is tall. Most of the problems could have been avoided if your mind weren't in your trousers." Ianto noticed Jack's eyes glimmer suddenly, but his face remained resolutely impassive.

"I hadn't realised that this was a personal problem, Lieutenant. If Unit are worried about my leadership skills, you can apply to have me replaced. The fact that I may be a questionable character by your standards does not make me any less adept at leading my team or at protecting this planet and the innocent lives upon it." He winked. "Anyway, if you'd said you were so interested in what's in my trousers, I'd have given you a personal demonstration." A slow, easy grin spread across his face the moment he realised he had won, and she sat, flustered and red in the face. "Now, how about I list a few of Unit's mistakes in turn? Don't worry, people, none of mine are personal, just demonstrating how Unit as an organisation would only serve to worsen the situation in Cardiff." He settled Ianto in the chair next to him again and pulled a piece of tech out of his pocket, placing it gently on the desk. "I brought pictures." He flipped the switch, and an image of a burning hotel complex appeared as a hologram.

"Two years ago, an unknown alien species made contact with Unit personnel at this hotel in East London. As far as anyone could tell, they were a peaceable race, and before you say anything General, yes, I did intercept their communications in order to check my translation equipment. There was no indication that they had any ulterior motives other than learning this planet's history and culture, then they were going to leave. Unit knew this." He pressed a button on the tech and the picture changed to an important file documenting the communications with the aliens. It was easily readable, and confirmed what Jack had just said. "Without giving warning (by the way that's breaking the biggest and most important inter-galactic peace law), Unit destroyed the hotel, and slaughtered the aliens, claiming their vessel for research purposes." Jack's eyes narrowed. "Seemingly no problem there, but as a result of the unceremonious destruction of their kind, a troop of the same species ended up in Cardiff three weeks later bent on destroying the human race. Torchwood barely stopped them. We could have eradicated them, that's not an issue. Instead, we conducted a conference, and apologised for YOUR actions. The argument was settled without any more bloodshed." The General smirked at Jack's speech.

"So you take a coward's approach to aliens?" Jack sneered and growled his reply,

"I'd like to see you have the guts to talk to any alien species face to face. The point here is, more gun happy welcoming of inquisitive races could cause an inter-galactic war. The earth, despite what Unit thinks, is NOT ready for that. There are races out there who would destroy this planet without any relative difficulty."

"We have nuclear weapons, Captain." The General stated. "And we have the Doctor." Jack sighed.

"So do I." He slammed a fist on the table. "Now, General, I want you to understand something. Nuclear weapons are primitive. Compared to what we dredge up from the rift, compared to the weapons used by some aliens we've faced, they're nothing but fire on a stick. Wouldn't damage the hull of most ships. This race…" He waved a hand around the room, "Is considered primitive. People are interested in Earth because it has true potential, not, don't kid yourself, not because it's powerful and interesting. The Doctor is here protecting you and your planet because he wants to nurture it, see where it goes." The General looked furious but said nothing. "Unit needs a new approach." Jack flicked the picture and an image of a young girl showed.

"This is Laura-Jayne Reynolds. Although everyone in this room is high-security clearance enough to know that already. Seven years ago, she was found wandering in Hyde Park. She had lost her memories, but claimed to be able to see the future, to 'see all of space and time'. Her parents filed a missing persons report. They're still searching for her seven years on. Unit stole her. She's kept in oohhhh… That bunker there." He pointed at one of the buildings visible out of the window. "Unit have plans to use her to close the rift. They want to sap the life-force out of a thirteen year old girl, she is thirteen now, isn't she? They want to use her life energy to permanently close the rift. Now, that's a bad thing for sooo many reasons. Firstly, SHE'S A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!! How sick are you people? She should be out playing, coming to terms with her unusual gift. She should be just learning what sort of woman she's going to become. Having all sorts of first-time experiences…" Fielding sighed and rolled her eyes. Jack growled. "I don't mean sex, although that may be one thing you'll be denying her. Smoking, drinking, drugs, alcohol, perfume, Chinese food, horse-riding and tennis and gossiping with friends. Hell, does she even have any friends? When was the last time that poor girl saw the sun? The real sun?" He sighed, tears welling up in his eyes. "It's not fair, but I'm not here to lecture you about her, she's nothing to do with me, unfortunately. If you use her to close the Rift, there will be violent repercussions. Firstly, the Doctor needs the Rift. It fuels his TARDIS. Without the Rift there is no Doctor."

"Without the Rift we no longer need a Doctor." The General replied, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Oh really? Because every alien you've ever encountered came through the Rift? Certainly that's not true in Cardiff. Second Rift related problem, the Rift is a source of unending, immeasurably strong energy. You want to wall that off? That's like putting a dam made of twigs across the river Nile, never going to work. The result could be a temporal explosion. The Rift would re-open itself causing temporal flux and allowing God only knows how many things through. The Earth would most likely be destroyed. I'm not talking the size of explosion you get from nuclear warfare, I'm talking 'BOOM' Earth… Gone. No trace of it, no evidence it ever existed. You go through with this, and the Earth could be swallowed by the vortex. Finally, we learn so much from the Rift. We monitor it, and I'm sure it monitors us. It leaves us things and it takes things away. What it leaves, we research, and we learn so much. Without that research, so many developments we take for granted today couldn't even have been conceived. We need the Rift, Sir."

"The necessity of the Rift is not in question, Captain. The necessity of Torchwood is." Jack smirked.

"Firstly, I'm guessing that in here you've got some experts. Lieutenant Fielding is evidently a research expert, a sort of archivist." Jack smiled at Ianto. "Do you have a technical expert? A doctor?" The General blinked and indicated the person to Jack's left.

"Lieutenant Harris is out tech expert." He indicated the man next to him, "And Lieutenant Moore is an extremely skilled Doctor."

"Brilliant." Jack grinned. He slid a file across the table at Moore and a piece of equipment over to Harris. "That file, Moore, took my own doctor at Torchwood only seven minutes to interpret. That piece of tech took my expert four to work out. That's all its functions and where it came from. Time starts now, boys." The General looked perplexed but allowed his people to get to work. He was slightly confused, however, when he looked at the child Harkness had brought with him to see it wielding an old fashioned stopwatch and timing them intently. Surely, that kid was only about four… was it normal for four year olds to be able to tell the time so well? He went back to watching the two work. His tech expert seemed to be getting somewhere, and just as it looked like he'd cracked it, the kid piped up with,

"Four minuts Jack." Jack grinned and held out a hand to take the tech. They watched the doctor mumble for another three minutes before Ianto smiled and said, "Time." Jack cleared his throat.

"So, Lieutenant Moore. Your findings?" The doctor floundered. "Exactly. My doctor noted on that sample analysis that there were high levels of an unknown compound. Within minutes he had analysed the compound and decided it was some kind of symbiotic fluid making it possible for an alien parasite to reside in that body. Lieutenant Harris, did you do any better?" The lieutenant looked at him, more confident than his colleague but still unsure.

"It seems to be some kind of fold away blaster. When the side folds out and you press on the indentation on the side, it blasts air. Presumably the air would dispel a projectile if it were loaded." Jack laughed.

"Trust Unit to assume it's a weapon. Why would I give you an alien weapon?" He grinned and unfolded the shiny piece of tech. "It's an alien travelling hair-dryer. Like the type women take on holiday. It's easy to pack and works pretty well. I'm impressed you worked out how to work it though. There's some hope for Unit maybe." He grinned and turned to Lieutenant Fielding. "Now, Lieutenant. You've proved you can research, but how well do you know our database? Can you analyse this tech and tell me which species it comes from, and under what code you would file it?" she took the hairdryer and studied it.

"The style of the handle suggests a three fingered race. The smoothness counts out quite a few species. From the engraved symbols I'd guess at it being Venuvian. I'd file it under VDI 'Venuvian Domestic Item'." Jack smiled.

"You don't know what number code would come next? Learn your archives better. Now we'll ask my archivist." He turned to Ianto and handed him the hairdryer. The entire room stared as if the Captain had gone mad. Ianto studied the tool. He'd never seen it before, but he was sure after a second what it was.

"It's Krelushian. The simbuls on the side say 'hot' and 'cold' and that's a diyul underneaf them. The ones on the uver side say the dayte of manufacshure, 2147. The handul is made for a four-fingured species, the leftenunt forgot the thumb. The smoove shape fit's the palm of a Krelushian femayul. I'd file it under KNDI21473.12 'Krelushian Non-harmful Domestic Item, year 2147, fird category of item we've found, twelfth of its kind. We find a lot of Krelushian buty products." Jack beamed at him.

"Brilliant, Ianto. See what I mean, General? My team are the best. I don't want to insult you, but you need better experts. There's no way you'd work out some of the things my people have had to deal with.

"Never mind that!" The General spluttered. "That child! He's your archivist? He can't be more than four years old. Is he an alien? I'm going to have to take him into custody to run some tests." Jack stood, lifted Ianto with him protectively and growled.

"That's exactly what I mean. You see something different and instead of asking him for himself, you want to run experiments on him. No, you cannot take him into custody, and no, he isn't an alien. You people make me sick. How about you stick to your playground and I stick to mine." He turned to storm out, but Ianto stopped him.

"Genrul, you weally don't have the jurisdicshun to take over Torchwud. You'd need a speshul dispensashun from the Queen herself, and she weally weally likes my coffee, so it's nevur work. Sorry to burst your bubbul." He laughed, and Jack laughed with him, and they walked out to the sounds of the General yelling at his people.

Jack swung Ianto round as they left the building, planting a big sloppy kiss on his cheek and hugging him close. They giggled all the way to the car, and Jack settled them in, but not before checking the vehicle for tracking devices, and finding four. He flopped into the seat and buckled up, starting the engine, before descending into giggles and turning to Ianto.

"His face!! When you spoke! Oh, God it's killing me!" He cackled, tears of laughter streaming down his face.

"I know! And the leftenunt's face when you said you'd show her what's in your trowsers! Pwiceleth!" They giggled a little more, but Jack settled enough to begin the long drive home. They spent most of it singing victory songs and giggling, and Jack even let Ianto have some lemonade and some chocolate as a reward for being so fantastic.

Tosh smiled and settled onto the sofa. She'd just finished her shift watching the Rift. It was nearly lunch time, and Owen was going to take her to the chic new restaurant which had opened near the millennium stadium. She hunted in her handbag for her mirror, and reapplied her mascara and lip-gloss, pouting at herself into the hand-held glass and giggling. As soon as she'd put the mirror back in her back, the doorbell rang and she went to open it, greeting a fairly shy-looking Owen. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt combo, but he'd put a plain white shirt over the top in an effort to look a little smart without trying too hard. She looked him up and down and smiled, and he ran an appraising eye over her knee length skirt and gorgeous heels.

"You look great." He leaned forward to give her a cute peck on the cheek and she giggled. He held out an arm and she slid hers through to link them, stepping out and locking the door behind her. They walked slowly into town, enjoying each others company and the sun, which was gracing Wales with its' presence for once. Finally, they reached the restaurant, smiling and laughing together about some stupid stuff Owen had done over the past week. The waiter showed them to a table for two by the window, where they could chat and people watch at the same time.

"So, anything interesting happen this morning?" Owen inquired, glancing at the menu, which was fairly presumptuous and had a lot of dishes containing caviar or oysters.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about work?" Tosh smirked, raising an eyebrow. Owen grinned. "Nothing much happened, no. But you should see Ianto today, he looks so cute. In fact, the pair of them looked cute. This whole baby thing has really domesticated them. Before, I thought Jack just wanted to get into Ianto's pants, but now… the way he's looking after him makes me wonder…" Owen rolled his eyes.

"You know, Tosh, Jack Harkness would stoop to any level to get a lay. He's probably just pretending because he thinks that's what's most likely to get the Teaboy into his tiny little camp-bed under the office floor." He considered a moment. "Then again, he has gone a little bit too gooey this time… I wouldn't be surprised if it turned Ianto off…" Tosh giggled.

"Exactly. I don't think it's pretend. I think he's really gushing. He doesn't know how to do it if the emotions are real so he's getting a little too protective and all that. Trust me, I've been here longest, I've seen him bed a few people. He's tried the approach of making them feel special before, but never turned it on this much. And anyway, I don't think Ianto is the type to respond to that sort of thing. I think he sees through our Captain more than you give him credit for." Owen snorted, and after ordering a bottle of white wine from the waiter, retorted with,

"He sees through his clothes, that's for sure. Did you see the two of them, before the whole baby thing happened? They were constantly checking each other out. It's kinda sickening. Anyway, what're you gonna order?" Tosh giggled as she remembered catching Ianto staring at Jack, and his resulting blush. She considered the menu again.

"I think I'll have the warm goat's cheese salad." She smiled at him.

"Woman food." He grinned. "I'm having the steak." He accepted the wine from the waiter and ordered their food for them, smiling at Tosh who blushed a little under his gaze.

Lunch went well, and the two found themselves relaxing in each other's company. They had more in common than they had first assumed, both having a penchant for wine, spicy food, and both being cat people. Once the meal was over, he walked her back to her place, and they stood talking on the doorstep for a few minutes, before lapsing into a tense silence of anticipation.

"I'd invite you in, but your shift at the Hub starts in ten minutes, and you'd never get there in time." She smiled, blushing furiously. He had the decency to go a little pink himself as he mumbled,

"No worries… I had a good time. We should definitely do that again." He grinned as she nodded quickly. "So… I guess I'll see you later? I'll text you when the hub gets too boring and Janet stops being fun." He leaned forwards, catching her lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. She wound her arms around his neck, letting the kiss linger a while before pulling back and blushing even more.

"Thanks for today, Owen. I'll speak to you later." She gave him one last glance, then disappeared inside, leaving him to start the walk to the hub, his mind swimming with warm, fuzzy thoughts about how well the afternoon had gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Sorry this one took so long. I'm a bad bad author-- go on, spank me, you know you ant to ;P. I'm already working on the next chapter. Not sure how long it'll take cos it's more difficult to co-ordinate my writing and DaydreamerNiteWriter's betaing cos we're far away from eachother now. Thanks to everyone who reviews, it really does push me to finish chapters, and makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Don't know if i mentioned this before, but the story is set during series 1, so maybe a few things make more sense now Oo. I just wanna set the record straight here. When I talk about Jack wanting to touch Ianto, i don't mean in a sexual way OO that would be disturbing. I think their relationship extends a bit more than just sex sex sex, and anyways, in my fic they haven't had sex yet, they were just getting there when the device got in the way. I'm sorry if some people are misreading it, but it is categorically NOT paeodphillic. There is obviously sexual attraction between the two, but when Jack thinks about Ianto like that he's viewing him in his adult form, and we have to remember that Ianto has the mind of a 25 year old.,. Sorry about the rant, and thanks again to all you regulars who always support me hope you enjoy this enstallment. love n cookies, please RR xxx

When Ianto woke, he was sprawled across Jack's chest. Jack was lying on his back, one arm tucked behind his head and the other curled protectively around the child. They were in Ianto's bed, in his flat. The night before, they'd gotten back to the Hub and Ianto had said he'd needed to make sure everything was ok at his flat, and do some cleaning. He'd ended up watching some brain-melting kids TV whilst Jack did the cleaning for him. The result was an almost clean house. Now, Ianto noticed, Jack was actually sleeping for once. It was so rare for him to fall asleep that Ianto didn't dare wake him, so spent a while simply watching him sleep and enjoying the warmth and comfort of his own bed. After a few long minutes, Jack stirred lazily, and blinked himself awake.

It was common knowledge that Jack Harkness, on the rare occasions he did sleep, was not very good at waking up. He looked down at Ianto, bleary-eyed. His hair was messed up and his eyes were still clouded from sleep, and Ianto wished he wasn't a baby so he could ravish him, but there was nothing to be done about it. Instead, he grinned and extricated himself from the drowsy Captain's arms. He wriggled off the bed and toddled towards the kitchen, checking the time on the clock in his hall. It was 10 am already. Jack had slept in. Ianto rolled his eyes and pushed a chair up to the counter top, using it to climb up and open one of the cupboards where he kept his mugs. He pulled two out, and walked across the surface to the coffee machine, depositing Jack's mug under it, and hitting the switch for an espresso. First-thing-in-the-morning Jack needed all the caffeine he could get, so Ianto made it a double, and carefully stirred in some sugar. As he finished, said man stumbled into the kitchen like a drugged elephant and leaned heavily on the surface. He fixed Ianto with a somewhat unsteady glare.

"Not sposed to use the cfee mshine at your age!" He mumbled, before taking the drink anyway and knocking it back. He handed the cup back to the child, who placed it under the machine again to fill it with a latte.

"It wood have been mowe danjewus if you did it! You're still asweep!" He countered, handing the mug to the Captain once again. "You'd best have a showur. It mite wake you up." Jack nodded sagely and watched as Ianto toddled over to the Fridge and attempted to open it, balancing precariously on the edge of the surfaces. Jack shuffled over and murmured,

"Lemme." Before opening the fridge and passing Ianto the orange juice. They'd cleaned out the fridge the night before, so only a few things were left. It was amazing how quickly things went off if you left them for five days. Ianto poured himself some juice, then went to the breadbin, sliding four pieces into the toaster, and turning it on. He looked at Jack, who slowly got out the margarine and the jam. He scowled at the marmite as he placed it down for Ianto, and went back to drinking his coffee. Once the toast hap popped, Ianto allowed Jack to spread the margarine for him, declining the marmite as he was unsure if it would agree with his toddler tongue. Jack lifted him off the side and deposited him at the table with his toast.

"S'late. We shud chek our voysemale. Tosh mite have tried to call us." Jack grunted and sat himself down opposite, munching on some toast with jam.

"I'll check when I go to have a shower." Jack mumbled, washing the toast down with one last swig of coffee. "Stay here and don't do anything stupid." He stood slowly and stumbled out of the room in the direction of the bedroom. Ianto just grinned and carried on with his own toast. He smiled as he listened to the sound of the running water, and Jack's singing over the spray. 'Yes', he thought, giggling a little into the orange juice, 'he is if fact singing the Spice Girls'.

When Jack returned, clean, awake, and wearing only a towel and a few drops of water, Ianto was a mess. He had melted margarine all over his hand and face, and there were smears of the stuff on his cup and his clothes. He'd obviously tried to have some jam himself, because that was all over him too. Fighting the urges to both yell and go 'squee', Jack looked the child up and down. Ianto looked back forlornly, but had the grace to quickly direct his eyesight at the floor.

"What am I gonna do with you, huh?" Jack asked, laughter evident in his voice.

"Dunno really… I didunt meen to get this messy!" Jack chuckled softly and held out a hand. Ianto slipped off the chair and took it. "I think a bath may be in order." He grinned, looking down, "Oh ye Gods, you've got jam in your hair!" He guffawed. Ianto looked up at him apologetically, and the pair burst into fits of giggles. They were interrupted by bleeping in the bedroom, signalling that Jack had a message on his headset. The older man hustled his charge into the bathroom with strict instructions to do nothing, and went to retrieve the Bluetooth device. The message was from Toshiko.

"Jack, where are you? I'm guessing you're still at Ianto's… Could you get here as quickly as possible? I need your help with the device that changed Ianto. I can't for the life of me work out how to reverse it. It doesn't seem possible even. Anyway, Owen and Gwen are out catching a weevil which was sighted near Starbucks, so I'm all alone in here with Myfanwy. Hurry up, I'm going insane!" With that, it cut off. Jack grimaced. Bloody weevils didn't even like good coffee houses. Who goes to Starbucks when they can have Ianto's coffee? Thinking of Ianto, he padded back into the bathroom, and started the taps to run a bath.

"What's up?" Ianto asked, fetching the bubble bath and adding a little to the water.

"Tosh is all alone in the Hub. Oh, and she's working on the device you prodded. Doesn't look like there's a way to reverse the effects, we may have to do this the long way. I'll take a look later too, so don't give up hope." He stopped the water, and checked the temperature. It was fine, so he plopped Ianto in amongst the foam. Ianto smiled up at him and sank into the warm water.

"You know what, I don't weely mind too much. I meen it's boring and I can't do anyfing, but I get to welax and play. And I'm being pampered. It's nice." He closed his eyes as Jack wet his hair carefully. "And I get to spend time wiv you. We nevur weely had much time to tawk before…"

"I know. It is kinda nice to have some time to ourselves. Bit weird though. I'm not sure what to do with myself now I can't cover my mistakes with kinky comments." Jack admitted, pouring a little shampoo onto his palm and gently massaging it into Ianto's hair. Ianto laughed.

"You seem to be doing ok so far. It's just annoying cos I see the Hub all messy and I wanna cwean it up, but I can't. And I'm dying for a coffee." He allowed Jack to wash out the shampoo, and used a soft sponge to clean himself. Jack smiled down at him, he was still adorable.

"Let's get you dressed huh?" He lifted Ianto out of a bath and into a fluffy towel. "I think I'm gonna miss this when you get big enough to do it yourself." He gently dried the child and wrapped him up in the towel, carrying the fluffy bundle through to the bedroom. Once there, he set Ianto down on the bed and rummaged through the bag they'd brought with them to find them both some clothes. Today, Ianto was wearing some cute red shorts and a white T-shirt with a picture of a monkey on it. Jack handed him a pair of socks and trainers too, and he dressed himself clumsily. Once they were both presentable, Jack carried Ianto back to the bathroom so he could brush his teeth, then they set out to the Hub, arriving just before 11.

"We'd bets get inside kwikly." Ianto sighed as they pulled into a parking space. "We don't want anywon to see me change." Jack nodded and rushed inside, settling Ianto on the sofa and watching him collapse and age yet again. When the tingling stopped, Ianto opened his eyes. He'd filled out the clothes and felt much better co-ordinated. He was also quite a bit taller. "This is more like it," He tried, noting that his speech was almost perfect now. "I can at least see over the desks now." Jack grinned down at him and scooped him up for a hug.

"You're too darn cute, you know that Ianto Jones?" He set the boy back on the floor, noticing as he did so a slight pattering of freckles across his nose. Not too many, just enough to be gorgeous. "I'm gonna go help Tosh with this device. You do… whatever, but don't get into trouble!" He bounded off to Tosh's desk, leaning over her shoulder to read things on her screen. Ianto watched for a second, then decided to get to work. Grabbing a bin bag, he began to pick up all the crap which had accumulated over the past few days. Seriously, that was a lot. He wasn't sure how three people could make so much mess, but two hours and five bin-liners later, Owen and Gwen stumbled back into a debris-free hub, trailing a rather angry looking weevil.

Jack looked at the readings on Tosh's screen. There was a series of complex numbers and figures which detailed the energy reading from the device, where it was going, how strong it was, and what type of energy it was. As far as he could see, Tosh was right, there was no way to reverse the flow. It seemed that Ianto was going to have to go through this. They spent a long couple of hours reading through each and every figure together, and only became more confused.

"It's just weird." Tosh mumbled, tapping away again and bringing up a scan of the object. She stripped the layers away to show him the core. It appeared to run on batteries of some kind. "I don't want to take them out, because the energy is attached to Ianto, and I don't want to risk hurting him. I don't know what to do, Jack." She looked at him, worried, and he sighed.

"We can't know what to do until we know what it is." He said as Owen and Gwen stumbled through the door.

"Quite obviously it's a machine that turns irritating Teaboys into babies, Jack. I think we all worked that out." Jack turned to look at his hand-picked doctor.

"And there I was thinking you were intelligent. That's not what it is, that's what it does. Who makes a machine which turns people into babies then ages them a year every day? Why would they do that? There has to be some purpose to it. Tosh, do you even have any idea where it came from? A timeframe? A planet? A race? Hell, even a galaxy would be helpful right now." He heard Owen mumbling insults as he and Gwen hefted their weevil to the basement to meet it's new cellmate. Janet would be pleased, she'd not had anyone to play with for a while.

"I'm sorry, Jack… I… I have no idea." Jack thumped the desk a little too hard and Tosh jumped in alarm.

"Sorry Tosh." He mumbled, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I know you're doing your best. It's just… What if it doesn't stop aging him when he gets back to the right age? What if I have to watch him die?" He slumped against the desk, and she looked up at him and tried for a weak smile.

"It wont happen, Jack. And even if it does, we'll pull together. It'll be ok. We'll find a way to stop it, I know we will." She placed a hand gently over his and squeezed. "Now stop moping and go file some paperwork before Ianto kills us both!" She grinned. Jack looked down at her and smiled. She really was amazing, his Tosh. He patted her shoulder then left, plodding up the stairs to his office to face a mountain of paperwork which all wanted his signature. Ianto was in there, clearing up his crap as usual. Jack smiled. Maybe things would be ok after all.

"You think you're up to using the coffee machine? Now that you're five and all." Ianto looked up at him, eyes wide, and beamed.

"Yes sir!" He said with a giggle and a silly mock salute. Jack laughed at him.

"In that case, could you pretty please make me something that will restore my sanity? Something that will restore my sanity with cream and chocolate sprinkles?" Ianto giggled.

"Deluxe hot chocolate it is, Sir. Want marshmallows?" Jack nodded enthusiastically, and watched the young boy bound out of the room and down the stairs before skidding round the corner into the kitchenette. It was impressive, Ianto was all arms and legs, tall and quite gangly. He looked somewhat like a newborn foal crashing about the Hub in his trainers, sliding round corners. A catastrophe on legs. 'An accident waiting to happen' thought Jack as a crashing sound and a yelp reached his ears. He jumped up and raced down the stairs to find Ianto on the floor with a grazed knee amidst a pile of broken crockery. He raised an eyebrow questioningly at the child, and was met with a sheepish grin.

"I underestimated my skid." Ianto confessed. "Went straight into the cupboard." Jack tried to look stern, he really did, but his mouth twitched, and Ianto saw it and giggled, and that set him off, and then before he could think, he was giggling too, and Tosh had come in and was giggling and Owen was snickering in the background, and it turned into a full on fit of hysterical laughter, and they all had tears streaming down their faces until…

"Oh God!" Gwen screeched, pushing Jack aside and running to Ianto who had a small trickle of blood running down his leg. "Are you alright pet?" She turned to glare at Jack, and Ianto just ignored her and tried to breathe. "Why are you laughing? Shut the hell up, he could have been hurt."

"But he wasn't." Jack protested, sobering. Once everyone had caught their breaths, and Ianto had assured Gwen that he wasn't going to die from blood loss or have to have his leg amputated, it was just a graze, Jack and Gwen swept up the broken mess whilst Ianto made coffee in plastic cups. When the job was done, everyone drank gratefully, and missed Ianto sneakily drinking and espresso. He grinned to himself and snuck off to Jack's office to finish clearing up.

Ianto was cleaning peacefully whilst Jack filled in reports and signed documents and notices, and generally did the stuff the boss had to do. It was quiet and tranquil in the Hub, everyone was working. Gwen was… making the world a fluffy, nice place, Tosh was still trying to find out something, anything, about the new artefact, and Owen was playing Space Invaders and looking at porn on the internet, whilst occasionally checking the CCTV to monitor the new weevil's behaviour. Ianto scrubbed hard at a stain on the floor which looked suspiciously like… 'never mind', he thought, 'it's best not to know'. He focussed on removing the stain, and so jumped right out of his skin when Owen suddenly screamed like a girl and fell off his chair backwards. Everyone jumped up in shock, including Ianto, who thought he may have just had a heart attack, and raced over to Owen's desk to see what was wrong.

"Owen, love, are you ok?" Gwen asked, advancing warily. "What's wrong sweetheart?" She enquired gently when he shook his head vigorously and screwed his eyes shut. Grimacing, he pointed at the screen, but before anyone could turn to it, yelled,

"NO!! Don't look, you don't wanna see! It's disgusting! it's scarring! It's gross! It's… It's…"

"Sexy!" Jack interrupted, leering at the screen on which CCTV footage of the new weevil and Janet going at it like bunnies could be seen. What was most worrying was that Janet appeared to be a bloke.

"Only you, Harkness, _only _you could find that sexy." Owen looked like he might throw up, so Jack closed the window for him. "Anyway, surely junior shouldn't be seeing this." He nodded his head towards Ianto. "He's only five for God's sake!" Ianto wanted to be angry, really he did, but he felt an overwhelming amount of energy bubbling up inside him. It escaped as a fit of giggles. He collapsed to the floor, giggling like crazy.

"Er… Ianto?" Jack tried, kneeling down to poke Ianto gently. This just made the boy giggle more, and he started to roll around. Jack looked up at the others, since Owen had managed to get himself to his feet. "I think we broke him…"

"Not… Broken…..Just… Hyper!" Ianto managed in between giggled and deep breaths. He was literally gasping for air. "Caffeine… was… a… bad… idea!" Jack looked at him sternly.

"Caffeine? You haven't had any caffeine." This sobered Ianto up a little. He stopped giggling and looked up at Jack, eyes wide and looking guilty.

"I had an espresso earlier." He confessed, biting his lip.

"You did _WHAT_?" Jack glared down at him. "Ianto, I told you not to have any coffee for a while. It's not good for kids! You directly disobeyed me. I'm gonna have to punish you… er…" The others gave Jack a look which confirmed he was insane.

"Go sit on the naughty step?" Offered Owen sarcastically.

"Yeah! Yeah. Go sit on the naughty step." Jack commanded, pointing to the steps to his office.

"But…" Ianto attempted.

"No buts!" Jack growled.

"Umm… which one is the naughty step?"

"The bottom one, so you're out of my sight. And no talking to anyone unless I say you can understand?"

"Mmmhm…" Ianto looked at the floor and shuffled dejectedly over to the step in question, slumping down on it. He wasn't sure why, since logically he could deal with being shouted at, but the five year old part of his brain just couldn't cope, and he began to sniffle. Sniffling turned into full on crying, and he buried his head in his arms and pulled his legs up, making himself small.

"Jack!" He heard Gwen scolding. Jack didn't reply, he simply hurried to the step and scooped Ianto up, hugging him tight. Ianto buried his face into the Captain's shoulder and sniffled some more.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell and be frightening." He rubbed gentle circles into Ianto's back, and felt the boy's breathing gradually return to normal. Ianto left his face burrowed into Jack's shoulder, but Jack still heard the muffled,

"I'm sorry I drank the coffee. Please don't be mad." Jack sighed and continued to hug the child.

"I'm not mad, I'm just worried you're gonna hurt yourself and not get better." He rocked gently on the spot, and wondered how a five year old could be so heavy. When said heavy lump started snoring gently against his shoulder, he rolled his eyes and went back to his office, settling Ianto on the sofa and putting his coat over his small form. The child snuggled into the heavy material and slept peacefully whilst Jack finished his paperwork.

When Ianto woke, it was 4:30 and he was starving. Problem was he was also too comfy to move. He had Jack's Military coat wrapped tightly around him, and every breath he took smelled and tasted like Jack. He was warm, the sofa was soft and Glen Miller was playing quietly in the background as Jack typed and rustled papers and made all sorts of other quiet sounds which Ianto couldn't quite distinguish. Ianto let out a yawn, which came out with a soft sort of mewling sound. The shuffling stopped momentarily before he heard Jack get up and walk over to him. Seconds later he came into sight and crouched down by Ianto's head, stroking his hair back.

"Hmmm… You feel warm. Did you have a good nap?" Jack asked, a soft, easy smile on his face.

"Mmmhm. I'm hungry but I don't wanna move." Ianto mumbled, closing his eyes as Jack continued to stroke his hair softly. Jack huffed a small laugh.

"Is that Ianto speak for 'go make me some food'?" He asked with a grin. Ianto nodded and yawned again, and Jack chuckled and stood. "I'll see what I can find." He walked off and Ianto listened to his footfalls on the stairs. He had the beginnings of a headache, but he was sure that a little food and something to do would take his mind off it. He lay still and basked in his comfort until Jack returned and crouched down again.

"You can't eat lying down, baby." Jack teased, and hefted Ianto into a sitting position. Ianto blinked up at him and rubbed his eyes. "I made you a sandwich." The Captain beamed, looking pleased with himself. Ianto looked down at the plate. There did indeed appear to be a sandwich on it. A cheese and pickle sandwich. He smiled and took half, biting into it hungrily, and was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn't taste too bad. He polished it off quite quickly, and wolfed down the other half too, washing it down with some orange juice Jack had brought him in his beaker. Ianto had grown quite fond of the beaker. Even though it was a bit silly for a five year old to have it, he liked it all the same. Jack laughed at him.

"You really were hungry huh?" He grinned, taking back the empty beaker and shoving the dirty plate on his desk. "Got anything you want to do? Or do you want me to find you something?"

"I was thinking of doing some filing." Ianto said, handing Jack's coat back and mourning the loss of warmth and scent. "There's loads of backlog from the past few days and I'd like to at least label it if not actually archive it." Jack gave him an odd look.

"Okay. You know you can just play if you want? I can make Gwen do the filing…" He offered, then giggled as he saw Ianto's reaction to that idea.

"Firstly, I have the mind of an adult, why would I even want to play, and secondly, the idea of Gwen getting into my archives is the very reason I insist on doing filing. I'm scared to death she'll offer to help. Remember what she did to X-Z last time?" He grimaced, and Jack laughed at the memory.

"Your face when you found out!" He chuckled. "Ok, go do some filing, you small, boring child." He grinned, and Ianto poked his tongue out in a defiant (and extremely adult) gesture, before bounding out of the room and over to Owen's desk. Owen always ended up with the most paperwork. Autopsy reports, blood-works, sample analyses. He had a mountain at one end of his untidy desk space, and several reports strewn over the rest of the surface. There was only enough space for a coffee cup and a pizza box on the desk, everywhere else was covered in crap. Sighing, Ianto began to arrange the paperwork into some semblance of an order. When he was done with that, he went through giving each one an archive label. Some already had one, as they were old files Owen was cross-referencing with new data, so that part was a bit easier. Once Owen's desk was finished, he made a neat pile of the ordered paperwork and went to tackle Tosh's station. She was the second worst offender for archiving workload. Even though she had managed to fit a truckload of computers and monitors on her desk, she still had enough space for several random pieces of tech for Ianto to file. He glanced at the clock, it was 6pm already. Owen was still in the autopsy bay making sickening noises with a Stryker saw, Gwen was _still_ trying to better the world from behind her desk, although it appeared that at present she was merely daydreaming about something. Tosh was nowhere to be seen. Ianto glanced about, decided she must have gone home whilst he was filing, and carried on working.

Jack looked down from his office. Ianto had finished Owen's desk and moved on to Tosh's, Gwen was fantasising. He had strong suspicions she was in fact dreaming of him, but that may just have been his ego stroking itself. He spent a little time watching her eyes go hazy and her little smile she had for when she was thinking of the world being perfect and wonderful cross her face. She sucked thoughtfully on her pen, reminding Jack of just how horny he was, and he turned away, clearing his throat softly, to gaze at Tosh. For a second, Jack could actually see Tosh, bent low examining some kind of artefact. He even noticed the way her hair was falling out of its clips. Then he realised that that was just what he'd expected to see, and that Tosh wasn't there. She'd probably gone to the toilet or something he thought, turning his attention to the autopsy bay. That irritating saw was turned on and various grating noises could be heard, along with manly grunts from Owen as he dissected yet another weevil. All things considered, Jack reckoned Owen had dissected more weevils than humans. Sighing, he turned and sat at his desk again, trying to make his mind focus on paperwork, when actually all he could see was Gwen sucking on a pen. He refused to allow his mind to replace the pen with another… object, but didn't have any success in forcing it to concentrate on Owen's latest scintillating report about the consistency of weevil blood at freezing, room temperature, and 100 degrees Celsius. He couldn't think why that was. Giving up, he drifted into daydreams himself.

Ianto sighed and reached for the last artefact he was going to archive from Tosh's desk. He was leaving a few she hadn't finished with, so there was still a fair pile of tech for her to play with. This one was cylindrical, and extremely smooth. When he picked it up, it slipped from his hand and began to roll away across the floor. He got up to fetch it, but before he could catch the rolling object, Myfanwy swooped down and picked it up, flying off with it. Ianto looked up and let his mouth hang open. This was not good. He watched as Myfanwy continued to climb, before swooping out of the Hub on over the Plas outside. He groaned inwardly and raced to the invisible lift, heading up to try and coax the artefact back. As he reached the surface, he searched his pockets, finding that he did indeed have a bar of chocolate he had been planning to treat Myfanwy with this evening. The Pteradon screeched at him playfully and swooped about, and he thanked his lucky stars that there was no-one about to see this. Sighing, he cooed to her and she flew close, circling him suspiciously. He was sure she was confused because he smelt like Ianto, but looked like a child. Crossing the fingers of he other hand, he launched the chocolate into the air. Myfanwy instantly dropped the tech, and swooped to catch her new toy. Ianto watched the tech fall slowly, straight into the fountain, and sighed.

"Why, Myfanwy? Why?" He groaned, taking off his socks, shoes and T-shirt and jumping into the water, forgetting that he didn't learn to swim until he was seven, panicking, then sighing with relief when he found he could stand, the water was only chest-high. He located the shiny cylinder and took a deep breath before plunging in to grab it with both hands, taking no chances of dropping it this time. He stood up again, gasping for breath, and climbed out of the fountain, grabbing his clothes and jumping back on the lift to go down. Glad that no-one had noticed (Gwen was still daydreaming, Jack was still in his office and Owen's saw was still going) He pulled on his T-shirt and sock and shoes, grimaced at his wet trousers, and glared up at Myfanwy, who was looking smug and devouring the chocolate in her nest. He sighed and headed back to Tosh's desk, adding the new tech to the pile, and labelling it. He began work on Tosh's paperwork.

Jack shook himself out of his fantasy before it became too much for him. It was amazing how quickly Gwen sucking on a pen could turn into a full blown Torchwood-minus-Owen orgy. Shaking his head and sighing to himself, he stood to check on the team again. Gwen was still dreaming, and that was a little worrying in itself, but Jack ignored it, because she'd stopped sucking the pen so she wasn't a problem any more. Ianto was doing Tosh's paperwork, but he appeared to be soaked, which was in itself perplexing. Owen was still sawing and grunting, and Tosh was nowhere to be seen. All things considered, his team were behaving pretty strangely. Deciding to get to the bottom of these oddities, he leapt into action, putting on his best Sherlock Holmes face and descending into the Hub.

"Gwen… Wakie wakie!" Jack prodded his zoned out second in command. She jumped, looked at him blearily, then blushed frantically. That solved that then, he thought with a smug grin, she had been thinking about him. "You okay?" Gwen nodded, cleared her throat then said in a squeaky voice,

"I'm fine."

"Good. You can go home if you like. Go see Rhys. Don't let it fall apart." He reminded her. "Watch a movie or something." With that, he was gone, and sauntering over to Ianto. "Hey baby. Is it a stupid question for me to ask why you're soaking wet?" Ianto blinked, held up a hand for him to wait, shuffled some papers, scribbled a note, then looked up at him sheepishly.

"I fancied a dip in the fountain?" He more asked than replied, and Jack decided he didn't want to know.

"Your pyjamas are in my quarters. Go dry off and change before you catch a cold." He grinned, ruffling Ianto's damp hair, and moving towards the autopsy bay.

Tosh glanced at the clock on her monitor, it was 5:45. Owen was puttering around in the autopsy bay doing nothing, she was getting nowhere… Jack and Ianto were nowhere to be seen, and Gwen was daydreaming and muttering about bouncy castles. Smiling to herself, she slunk into the autopsy bay and leaned on a rail, waiting for Owen to notice her watching him. When he did, he turned round and grinned, then tried to lean on a gurney, which slid sideways, sending him stumbling across the room. Tosh giggled and he shot her an offended look, which she silenced with a wink. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but everyone else seemed to be having office romances, and since Jack and Ianto had been put on hold, someone had to be having fun in the Hub.

"Hi Owen." She practically purred.

"Hi Tosh." He grinned, walking across the room to meet her at the railing. "What can I do for you?" He leered, closing the gap so that their faces were only inches apart.

"Would it be ridiculous, cheesy and clichéd if I told you I was in dire need of a full body examination?" She asked, and they both cracked up, giggling. Tosh shushed him. "Shh, Jack'll be suspicious. Anyway, I mean it. I'm bored… You're obviously bored… How about we entertain each other?" She suggested, leaning close again so he got the message, I mean this was Owen, and he was notoriously slow on the uptake.

"Toshiko Sato, you are a genius." He told her with a grin before leaning forward to kiss her quickly. "But what about them hearing us or catching us?" He looked around conspiratorially. Tosh grinned.

"I have a plan for that. No-one comes in here when you do autopsies. So turn on the Stryker saw. It'll cover any noise we make, and it'll deter the others." She kissed him recklessly, and he pulled back to flick the switch on the Stryker saw. It whirred into life, and did a grand job of covering their noise. Didn't look like they'd be doing any talking for a while! Not that Owen minded as he pushed Tosh up against the autopsy table, kissing her hard. She pulled him close, sliding to sit on the table, and guiding him to stand between her legs. There was something truly erotic, Owen thought, about the quiet ones that took control in the bedroom. He wondered absentmindedly if Ianto was the same before grimacing and pushing that thought out of his mind. How could he perform for Tosh with THAT in his mind?? Turning his thoughts back to the job in hand, he continued to kiss Tosh vigorously, whilst beginning to unbutton her blouse.

Jack reached the autopsy bay, purposely not looking down because half-dissected Weevil was not something he enjoyed looking at. He was here because the saw had been on for ages, and apart from the fact that it was hurting his ears, it shouldn't have taken this long to cut through the bones on the corpse. He glided down the stairs quietly, passing the saw, which was whirring to itself noisily. He almost passed it before doing a double take. It was indeed simply left on, and cutting nothing. Jack looked up, and instantly wished he'd stayed upstairs. Owen was lying on his back on the autopsy table, completely naked, and being ridden by Tosh, who had her skirt bunched up around her waist and was topless. She was wanton and sexy and hot and gorgeous and… 'Damnit' he thought, 'I've just managed to ignore away one erection. This is not helping…' If he had been any normal boss, he would have interrupted them and started yelling, however, he wasn't normal, he was Jack Harkness, and they hadn't noticed him. Deciding to practice his evil, he leaned on the railings of the stairs to enjoy the show. Tosh was riding for all she was worth, her hair loose and clinging to her neck and shoulders hands splayed across Owen's chest, Hips rocking back and forth so hard and fast Jack was sure Owen was going to break. For his part, Owen was gripping Tosh's hips so hard she'd have bruises. His head was thrown back, eyes closed, and his mouth was working but no words were actually coming out. Jack now understood where the grunts had been coming from. Owen was clearly trying to hold off, waiting for Tosh's orgasm. Jack grinned to himself. There was no way the young doctor was lasting… 'Famous last words' he though as Tosh came, gasping Owen's name softly, almost romantically, Jack considered, if taken out of context. Grinning at his evilness, Jack didn't give Owen a chance to finish, just flipped the switch on the Stryker saw, sending the room into silence except for heavy breathing, and one last moan from Owen. They both looked up shocked as the saw cut out, and swore loudly, Tosh trying to cover herself with her arms. Laughing, Jack threw his lab coat to her and she blushed gratefully, covering herself with it. Owen glared at him like he wanted to kill him, and Jack just laughed even more.

"Aren't I just the best boss?" He asked with a grin, "See most bosses would have stopped you when they found you, but I at least waited for Tosh to finish…" Owen paled significantly, and Tosh blushed even redder. It was cute how the redness spread down her neck and up her face.

"How fucking long have you been there?" Owen demanded, sitting up and covering himself with his hands as Tosh slipped off the table, pulling her skirt down, and set about finding her clothes, chucking Owen his pants so he could restore his dignity.

"A while." Jack grinned, still leaning casually on the railings. "I must say, I'm pretty impressed. That was _hot_. Mind if I keep the CCTV?" Tosh glanced at him, using her 'don't be so stupid' look. "Oh… Of course, you turned the camera off." He laughed. "Clever Tosh. Damn, guess that means I'll just have to remember it." By now, Tosh was fully dressed, and red as a beetroot, whilst Owen was wearing his trousers and fuming.

"Fuck you Harkness!" He yelled.

"Now now Owen." Jack said calmly. "I was going to be a nice boss and let you get away with it. I mean, I'm pleased that someone's getting some. But now, I'm going to have to punish you. Tosh is being suitably embarrassed and sorry, but that was just plain rude. You're on weevil and Pterodactyl clean-up for two weeks. Tosh, you can go home. I think your embarrassment is punishment enough for you. Although, I wouldn't be embarrassed if I were you… that looked amazing! Good technique." He winked, and Tosh blushed even more, and shuffled past him, eyes on the floor, mumbling,

"Sorry, Jack." As she went. Owen glared at him and pulled on his T-shirt.

"Owen, you can clean up the weevils then go home." He grinned, then turned to go back to his office, laving Owen glowering at the spot he'd just vacated and feeling like an ass.

Jack returned to his office to find Ianto in his chair, wearing some soft flannel pyjamas with the power rangers on them, and sorting Jack's paperwork into piles of finished and unfinished, then categorising the piles in order of importance, and what needed to be signed and what just needed to be read. Smiling to himself, he leaned down to place a kiss on the boy's forehead, and got a small smile in return.

"What do you want for dinner tonight?" He asked sitting on his desk and looking down at Ianto.

"Pizza?" Ianto asked grinning.

"Pizza." Jack confirmed. "Guess what I just caught Tosh and Owen doing on the autopsy table…"

"Oh God they didn't!" Ianto gasped, eyes wide and round. "That's just… ewww."

"Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by Tosh. She's hot. Then again… It's really is always the quiet ones." He grinned. "I'll go order pizza." He wandered off to get the menu, leaving Ianto to finish organising the paperwork, and trying to remove the images of Tosh and Owen from his mind.

When the pizza arrived, Owen had left, so the two of them snuggled up on the sofa, playing Die Hard on the TV in front of them, and munched their way through it by themselves. The evening went by quietly and they both enjoyed the peace and quiet and the chance to relax. Ianto noted that his headache hadn't gone away, and was the first to fall asleep around 11. Jack carried him down to his quarters and settled him, spending the rest of the night in his office finishing off odd jobs. He couldn't face lying down, having slept the night before, so went for a walk later that evening, returning to the Hub around 4:30, and settling in his chair to while away the remaining hours 'til dawn with memories and fantasies.

Owen finished cleaning out the weevils as quickly as he could. They had been separated after their mating session because they'd started to fight viciously, so he had to clean out two cells instead of one. He sped home just in time to catch his favourite TV shows, and relaxed with a beer, wondering why he and Tosh kept getting interrupted. Finding no answer, and resolving that he'd have to do it properly, off work time and in a bed and all that, he went to bed.

Gwen snuggled closer to Rhys, and he hugged her tighter in his sleep. They had watched a movie as Jack had suggested, and she'd cooked a nice dinner, then they'd gone to bed early and had some fantastic sex. Now, Gwen was agonising over things in her mind. She wanted to tell Rhys about what she did at Torchwood, wanted to tell him about her affair with Owen, which had just ended. She had been daydreaming earlier; about his response if she did tell him, and Jack had caught her. She had blushed, thinking he could read her mind and was going to yell at her for being stupid, or laugh at her for being sappy, but in fact he had just grinned smugly. She realised he must have thought she'd been dreaming about him. Sighing, she snuggled even closer to her boyfriend and went to sleep.

Tosh spent most of the night on her laptop, fiddling with various things. In her own time, she was developing a programme for the Hub. When she could no longer stand the streams of numbers, she slid in between the cool sheets of her bed, and let her mind wander. Unfortunately, it kept dwelling on what had happened that afternoon. She wasn't sure she'd be able to look Jack in the eye again. Still, she was cross that he'd spied on them like that, and felt guilty for using Torchwood's time for her own gains. She fell into a troubled sleep, dreaming about the possible reactions she might get from her colleagues the next day.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: The things I do for Torchwood :P I have given Tosh a bed as pomised. I own nothing, and I never will. I would thank DaydreamerNitewriter for betaing, but she's sat in my room right now, laughing cos I just accidently erased this then had to write it again, so she can go do something unconventional with the latest issue of Torchwood magazine :D Thanks to everyone who reviewed (oh jesus now she's calling me cheeky) seriously though, some fo you are fantastic at the reviews game (you know who you are). Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Please R&R, I'm no more than a whore for your reviews. love xxx

Jack looked down at the sleeping form in his bed. He was starting to get a little concerned. When Tosh had arrived for work and Ianto was still sleeping, Jack had thought it was cute that he was snuggled up in the covers and had spent a while watching him wrestle with an angry pillow in his sleep. Now, Owen had walked through the door, and Jack was worried Ianto wasn't going to wake up. Also, it was 10:50, Jack had to wake Ianto up so that he could undergo the change into a six year old. Feeling like a big meanie, he crept down the ladder into his quarters and moved over to the tiny bed, sitting on the edge of it. Not even the shift caused by Jack's weight made Ianto stir. Bracing himself, because he really didn't want to wake Ianto up but he had to, Jack leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to the child's forehead, shaking his shoulder as he did so. Ianto didn't wake up, he just wrapped his arms round Jack's neck as he slept, and snuggled closer. Breathing a soft sight, Jack tried shaking him a little harder, and called softly,

"Ianto… Ianto, baby, it's time to wake up. C'mon Ianto, wake up for me." He felt the child stir in his arms, and sat up, pulling the sleepy form into his lap.

Ianto stirred as he felt himself shaken awake, and heard Jack calling his name. He opened his eyes, but promptly shut them. His headache was blinding, and the light was hurting him immensely. He groaned and buried himself in Jack's chest as he was pulled onto the Captain's lap.

"Ianto… You okay?" Jack sounded worried. Ianto was clinging to him, and groaning like an invalid. He breathed to tell him how he felt, but the air came out in a rasping cough, which shook his little body visibly. "Oh, baby. You feel ill?"

"Hmm." Ianto opened his eyes against the pain, looked up, and nodded. Jack looked suitable sympathetic, and bit his lip. "S'cold." He informed the older man, shivering even in the warmest part of the hub. Jack looked at him for a moment, then pressed a warm hand to his forehead. Seeking warmth, Ianto leaned towards him, but Jack quickly pulled the hand away.

"Baby, you're running a fever!" He gasped, scooping Ianto into his arms again. "I'd best get Owen to look at you." Ianto nodded, burying his face into Jack's neck and groaning again, followed by a small succession of coughs. "Oh, but you're about to collapse any minute. Owen can wait." He settled back onto the bed, Ianto still clinging to him, and waited. Sure enough, Ianto collapsed and aged another year, his limbs growing even longer, and tiny freckles forming on the bridge of his cute button nose. Jack sighed down at him as he blinked awake, grimacing in pain. He was just too adorable. Scooping up the even heavier child, Jack made his way into the Hub. When he got there, he noticed that Ianto was quietly sniffling into his shoulder. "Hey, Ianto, what's wrong?" He asked, stroking his back gently.

"The lights hurt my eyes." Ianto complained, sniffling some more, and coughing. If Jack hadn't been so worried, he would have been miffed by the amount of mucus Ianto was getting on his shirt. Cooing softly, not realising that didn't help Ianto's headache, he covered the boy's eyes with his spare hand and glided softly down to the medical bay, shushing the others as he did. Owen came over and frowned at him.

"What's wrong with the sprog?" He asked warily, eyeing Ianto from a safe distance.

"He feels ill." Jack said matter-of-factly, hugging his Ianto close.

"Oh, well, using those symptoms, I can diagnose… Fuck all. I will ask the sprog directly this time. What's wrong with you Teababy?" Ianto blinked up at Owen and grimaced in the harsh light.

"Cough, headache. Light hurts my eyes. Throat hurts, got a fever." Owen nodded as though these were extremely important factors, and considered for a moment.

"Sounds like you've got a cold, and a migraine at the same time." Ianto winced. He got migraines from time to time, but they didn't usually coincide with fevers. Owen rummaged around in his drawer before stepping forward with an injection. "Painkillers for you. As for the fever, we'll have to cool you down. Cold bath should do it." He advanced with the needle, and Ianto whimpered and buried his face in Jack's neck, yet again. He wasn't amazing with needles at the best of times, and his six year old instincts were telling him to run away. As it was, he couldn't help his reaction to the injection. He bawled. Literally, wailed. Howled at the pain and injustice of the injection and clung to Jack like a big, blue, nice-smelling life raft. Slowly forcing himself to stop, he sniffled into the Captain's shoulder.

"Sorry, didn't mean to…" Jack shushed him.

"You're ill, it's okay." He hugged Ianto tighter, rubbing circles on his back again.

"Well, Teababy, since you were such a good boy, you can have a lollipop." Owen said sarcastically, but was actually holding out candy. Smiling weakly, Ianto took it and let Jack open it, before shoving it into his mouth and having fond memories of his pacifier from a few days ago. "Go put him in a cold bath to cool his core temperature. Take this." Owen handed Jack a thermometer. Cooing softly, and stroking his hair, Jack carried Ianto out of the autopsy bay and towards the toilets, only to be waylaid by the girls.

"Oh, sweetheart! Are you alright pet?" Gwen asked, stroking Ianto's burning cheek softly. He nodded and sniffled (Jack was sure that was for effect) and the girls descended upon him in a flurry of attention and sympathy. Jack felt like getting sick just to enjoy their focus himself.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Tosh exclaimed, stroking his hair. "I expect you're hungry though… Want some warm milk?" She asked sweetly in a soft voice.

"I'll go make you some sweetie." Gwen offered when he nodded, and bounced off towards the kitchenette. Ianto pouted sweetly.

"Well, you'd best go have that bath, then it's back to bed with you mister." Tosh smiled, wagging her finger playfully. Jack chuckled softly, and Ianto felt the vibrations through his chest from his position nuzzled into Jack's shoulder. "I'll bring the milk down. Off you go." Smiling, Jack carried Ianto to the showers, and filled the baby bath with cold water. As he took Ianto's pyjamas off, he protested at the cold, and Jack thought guiltily that he'd be a hell of a lot more cold in a minute. Grimacing, he lowered Ianto into the cold water. He immediately began shivering. Panicking, Jack pressed his Comm.

"OWEN!! He's shivering!" He yelled.

"No shit Sherlock. You'd shiver too if you were in cold water." The reply crackled back.

"But he's supposed to be hot!" He complained.

"He is hot inside. That's why the cold atmosphere is making him shiver." Owen sighed. "Just bathe him, Harkness. There were a few Harper extras in that shot. He'll be fine. Bath him, feed him, put him back to bed."

"But what if…" Jack was cut off by another exasperated sigh from Owen.

"Honestly, you sound like you're his mother or something. Calm down you big hysterical woman. Am I or am I not an amazing doctor? Bathe him, feed him, put him to bed."

"Okay…" Jack replied, switching off the comm. and giving Ianto a sympathetic look. "Sorry baby, it's for your own good." He began to pour the water over Ianto's head.

"B…but it's c…c…cold!" Ianto gasped, shivering more.

"I know, it's supposed to be." Jack held out the thermometer. "Open up." He shoved it in Ianto's mouth, pleased when the liquid stopped at 40 degrees Celsius. "Lets get you dry and into bed hmm?" As he was drying Ianto off, Tosh came in with his beaker full of warm milk. Taking it, he thanked her and sucked on it hungrily, realising he hadn't eaten anything.

"I'm making chicken soup." Tosh said, as if reading her mind. Ianto nodded, and continued to gulp down the warm milk. It was the best medicine, he mused, as Jack dressed him and scooped him up. When he'd finished, he curled himself into a ball in Jack's arms and dozed. He was woken gently at the boardroom table, covered to the chin in Jack's coat, and resting on his lap. Jack held him carefully and rubbed his stomach in soothing circles whilst Gwen spoon fed him warm chicken soup and cooed sympathetically. The soup was good, and the warmth was making him steadily more sleepy. He still felt rubbish, but the painkillers were kicking in, leaving him droopy eyed and drowsy.

"You're just so adorable. I could eat you up!" Gwen cooed again in an annoying voice. Funny, when Jack used that voice at him, it was cute, but when Gwen did it, it just annoyed him. He guessed it was because of his unresolved feelings towards her. He was still jealous. She scooped up the last of the soup and fed it to him. "There, now off to bed!" Smiling gratefully, he coughed a little as Jack carried him down to the quarters, replacing his chest with a soft mattress and his coat with a warm duvet which smelt just as strongly of Jack. Mewling softly, Ianto burrowed into the bed, closing his eyes, and whispered,

"Tell me a story." Jack chuckled softly, and stroked Ianto's hair away from his forehead as he spoke.

"Okay, once upon a time, there was a man called Ianto Jones." Ianto giggled, but nodded for Jack to continue. "Ianto was handsome and brave and clever and loads of other good things. He was also amazing at making coffee. One day, the king of the coffee addicts, called Jack, decided his coffee just wasn't good enough, and he needed someone to make him coffee for the rest of eternity. And do his paperwork. And take out the trash. And get rid of the bodies. And generally be amazing. He searched high and low, but he couldn't find anyone to make the coffee anywhere. Thus, he began a caffeine-deprived tantrum, and started throwing things at his lowly minions Owen, Suzie and Toshiko. The minions were so upset from the throwing and the yelling and the general pissiness that they decided to take action. One day, when Jack had aimed a particularly good shot and hit Owen on the head with a stapler, they decided to seek out the legendary Ianto and his bravery and coffee making skills, deciding that his handsomeness was just a bonus which would distract the evil tyrant for a little longer. When they found him, they begged him for his help. Immense generosity being one of Ianto's other good qualities, he agreed to help them." He checked to see if Ianto was asleep, but the boy opened one eye to peer at him, so he continued his story.

"When he arrived at the lair of the King of the coffee addicts, Ianto saw that he would need all of his bravery to tame the beast, because he was throwing a right hissy fit, due to the fact he hadn't had any coffee for ages. Bracing himself, Ianto entered the lair of the tyrant, who was so shocked at his bravery and handsomeness that he stopped in the middle of throwing a cow (literally) to listen to the words of the young man, which were bound to be wise because wisdom was another his legendary good qualities. Ianto asked nicely for a chance to make the coffee, agreeing that if he failed to make good coffee, Jack could lock him in the vaults and throw stuff at him. He also unknowingly agreed that Jack could have his wicked way with him, but that was fine, because Jack was secretly rather dashing and handsome too, just not without coffee. Using all of his wisdom, patience and coffee making skills, Ianto made a cup of Americano, offering Jack cream (which he reluctantly denied) and sugar (which he accepted warily). When Jack tasted the fabled coffee, he was instantly besotted with the amazing Ianto Jones, and begged him to stay by his side and make him coffee for the rest of eternity. And do his paperwork. And take out the trash. And get rid of the bodies. And generally be amazing. Ianto agreed on the condition that he could bring his pet pterodactyl along, which Jack was happy about because he loved dinosaurs. So, Ianto Jones became an integral part of Torchwood and Jack's life. To this day, the King of the coffee addicts remains besotted with him, and they all live happily ever after in a hole in the ground in Cardiff." Jack smiled down at Ianto, who was well and truly asleep. Leaning down, he placed a kiss to his still warm forehead, and went back upstairs.

When he got upstairs, he found that his team were idling around with little to do. Nothing had come up during Tosh's innumerable tests on the artefact, there was nothing doctory for Owen to do, and the world was being a nice enough place for Gwen for once. Smiling, Jack stood at the top of the stairs.

"Go home." He ordered. "I'll call you if anything comes up." Owen shot out of the door before Jack could change his mind, closely followed by Tosh. Gwen stayed just long enough to ask,

"Are you sure Ianto will be ok?"

"He'll be fine, Gwen, go home." Jack commanded, and she slowly gathered her things and left too. Singing to himself, Jack went to the kitchenette and made himself coffee and Ianto milk, then went back to his quarters to watch the gorgeous bundle of blankets sleeping. He curled himself around the lump in the middle of his bed, set the hub to alert his wristband if anything came up, and drifted off into memories and daydreams.

Owen shot out of the Hub and over to his car, leaning on the bonnet as he saw Tosh approaching.

"Hey, d'you want to come over and hang out for a while?" He asked, trying to be casual.

"Well, I need to do some washing…" Tosh replied, watching Owen's face fall. "Why don't you come back to mine?" She added.

"Sounds like a plan." Owen beamed. "Want a lift?" Tosh nodded and got into the passenger side of his car. She usually walked home because it was just around the corner, but Owen needed to park somewhere. She sat in silence, merely quirking an eyebrow at his choice of music, which was Frank Sinatra. How… unexpected, she thought to herself and Owen drove rather fast towards her flat.

When they got there, she disappeared into the kitchen for a while, and Owen mooched around in her living room, checking out the amazing view and peering at all her photos. Quite a few showed her and a small Japanese woman he assumed was her mother. He was going to ask when she came in, but he got distracted by her awesome lighting system, so when she did return with two beers, he was playing with the clicker, illuminating the room in different lights and patterns. She leaned on the doorframe and smirked at him.

"Are you making us our own private disco, Owen?" She asked, pushing off the wall and handing him a beer.

"Something like that. The mood lighting is awesome." He offered, taking a swig from the bottle.

"It is, isn't it. I have some in my bedroom too, it simulates a sunrise when I want to wake up. It's calming and relaxing." She sipped at her own drink. "Sit down. Want to watch a movie?" Owen sat and nodded.

"Sounds like a plan. What sort of movie?" He asked, praying she didn't have a huge collection of chick flicks.

"Ummm… Well, how about Die Hard? It's my favourite movie…" She blushed.

"You're kidding? I love Die Hard! Gotta love Alan Rickman!" Owen laughed. "Sure, put it on." She popped the DVD into the player and settled next to him.

"Personally, I prefer Bruce Willis, but that's just a matter of taste." She grinned wickedly, and he laughed at her.

"I didn't mean it like that…"

"Suuure you didn't" She laughed, pressing play on the DVD and taking the light clicker from him to dim the lights suitably. She settled into the sofa beside him and watched the movie. After a few minutes she felt him shift, and pretend to yawn whilst strategically putting his arm around her. She smirked, and turned to make some kind of witty comment, but found herself mouth to mouth with him, as he'd been planning to do the same. Both pulled back, shocked, then considered each other, before leaning in for a proper kiss. The movie forgotten, they shifted on the sofa so that he was lying on his back with Tosh straddling his hips, and continued to kiss, whilst simultaneously beginning to undress each other. Owen mumbled and broke the kiss off. He was having some difficulty with Tosh's bra. She had gotten his T-Shirt off and was latched on to his neck, kissing and biting it and generally leaving marks which the others would laugh at for days. After a few more minutes, he gave up.

"What is with your underwear? I can't undo the clasp." He asked, exasperated, as she trailed wet kisses down his chest. Tosh giggled at him and shook her head, before sitting up and pointing at her ample cleavage.

"That may be because the clasp is at the front." She informed him. Shaking his head and mumbling about women trying to confuse poor innocent blokes, he flipped it open and pulled it off her, launching it across the room where it came to rest hanging from a curtain rail. He glanced at it, proud of himself, before leaning up to kiss her, his hands coming to her breasts. Her hands worked the zip of his jeans down and slipped inside, teasing him through his boxers. Gasping, he sat up straight, wrapping his arms round her waist to pull her close and practically growling into her ear,

"Wanna take this somewhere more comfortable?" She nodded and stood, her skirt falling from her hips as she did so, leaving her in just a pair of expensive looking, rather hot, lacy, black French knickers. Pulling him up, she led him by the hand down the corridor and into her bedroom, where he lost his jeans, exposing his own well chosen underwear, Superman boxers. Tosh laughed at him, and pushed him onto the bed, climbing on top of him. Owen was pleasantly surprised by Tosh's sex persona. She was dominating and hot and generally a lot of things he hadn't expected. And she liked to bite. And she was good at it, he thought, as she worked her teeth down his neck and chest, biting fairly hard on his nipple and causing him to gasp in an odd mixture of pain and pleasure. Her hand trailed downwards, making the muscles in his abdomen spasm, before slipping under the waistband of his boxers to pull them down.

"I never liked Superman anyway." Tosh purred as she dropped them off the bed, and began to bite and kiss his hip. "Too pretentious." She grinned, slipping of her own underwear and dropping it next to his. He looked her up and down appreciatively, as her mouth moved closer and closer to his cock. She was beautiful. Really, really beautiful. And she deserved better than him, but who was he to complain when she was going down on him so superbly. He stroked her hair softly with one hand, and gripped the bed sheets tightly with the other, his head falling back. Tosh smiled as much as she could with her mouth full, and listened to the amazing sounds he was making. The sounds she was making him make. 'That's right, Owen Harper,' she thought, 'you've met your match.'

"Tosh, babe, if you don't stop soon, this is all going to be over before you've had any fun!" Owen managed to gasp. Smirking, Tosh left him and kissed a trail up his chest, before leaning over to the bedside cabinet and pulling out a condom.

"No unwanted accidents." She explained, ripping it open with her teeth and rolling it on. He grinned and nodded, before rolling them so he was on top. It was all very well letting the woman dominate for foreplay, but when it came down to it, Dr Owen Harper was very much in charge. Nibbling on her earlobe, he pushed inside her, and groaned as she gasped and wrapped her legs around his waist. He set up a steady pace, making sure that she was enjoying herself too, which, he noted with more than a little self satisfaction, she was. Tosh moaned and pulled him into a blinding kiss, wiggling her hips. "Would you get on with it? I wasn't expecting to be shagged by an eighty year old. A little pace please?" Owen gasped, and giggled, before complying.

"Alright your Majesty?" He asked with a grin, as the bed shook underneath them.

"Mhhh… Less talk, more sex!" Tosh moaned, nails digging in a raking down his back. "Better." She added, as he started to really go for it, losing control. She gasped and shuddered, and moaned his name as her orgasm hit her, but didn't scream in that annoying way Gwen used to, which was another bonus. Feeling that his job here was done, Owen stopped picturing Ianto and Jack together as a hold-off technique, and allowed his own orgasm to was over him in a series of grunts and yeahs. Gasping and panting, he collapsed on top of her, trying to hold his own weight up as much as he could, as grinned to himself.

"That was pretty damn good." He gasped into her ear, before rolling off her and allowing her to snuggle into his side and pull the covers over both of them.

"You'll do." Tosh grinned, kissing him softly before settling with her head on his chest. Owen laughed and looked down at her, deciding that there was more to Tosh than he had first assumed.

Gwen let herself into her home, whistling the song she'd just been listening to on the radio. Rhys was nowhere to be seen, so she put the kettle on whilst she dialled his mobile. He picked up after three rings.

"Hello?"

"Hello gorgeous!" She chimed, "Guess what, got the day off work. Fancy lunch with me?"

"Hi love, sorry I can't. I've got a lot to finish up here. How about you see some friends and we'll have dinner together later?" He replied, sounding like he wanted to go.

"Aww, Rhys. Can't you leave it for tomorrow?"

"No, Gwen. Some of us have proper jobs with proper hours. Just because your stupid special ops gave you the day off doesn't mean the rest of the world stops for you!" Rhys snapped, clearly annoyed that she thought so little of his job.

"That's not what I mean, love. Isn't there any way you can get an hour just to grab some lunch with me?" Rhys sighed audibly.

"I'll see what I can do. I'll text you if I can make it." He said, "I'll have to go now though."

"Alright. Love you."

"Love you too." He hung up, and Gwen glanced about. She decided to do some cleaning whilst she waited for his text. Finally, when she'd finished the bedroom, bathroom and living room, and was half way through the kitchen, her phone buzzed in her back pocket. Grinning, thinking she'd won, she took her phone out and gazed in disbelief at the message:

'Sorry hun, too much work. Dinner tonight? Xxx'

Glowering, she dialled Rhys' number on the landline and proceeded to choose her favourite knife from the drawer with which to castrate him. He picked up after about 6 rings.

"Hey, I said I was working…"

"Rhys Williams! I cannot believe you!" She cut him off, yelling. "You always complain my job gets in the way of us spending time together, then when I get time, you're too fucking busy to bother."

"Hey! Don't you start bloody yelling at me! I'm not the one who's been at least an hour late for dinner every night this week. I'm not the one who forgot our anniversary on Tuesday. Your job is so fucking important, but mine's just a piece of piss. Hell, why don't I just quit and become your fucking house pet?" He slammed the phone down at the same instant she did, and she burst into tears.

"Bastard!" She yelled to nothing in particular, then slammed the knife into the sideboard, sinking it in a few inches and yelling again, "Fucking Bastard!" Before storming out of the house in a rage.

Without thinking, Gwen found herself making a beeline for the Hub, and before she could stop herself, she was standing at the bottom of the step to the office, looking up at a very confused and sympathetic Jack. He descended the steps and scooped her into a big warm hug, and she dissolved onto his shoulder.

"What's happened?" He asked, brushing the hair out of her eyes and handing her a handkerchief embroidered with the initials JH. She dabbed at her eyes and sniffled.

"Rhys is a bastard." She pouted. He smiled a little.

"That all? All men are bastards honey, get used to it." He grinned, sweeping her into the kitchen and lifting her like a child to sit on the side while he made her a cup of tea (better than his coffee but still atrocious). "What did he do?" He asked, giving her the mug, which she cradled for its warmth.

"I got home and called to see if we could meet up for lunch. All I wanted was to spend his hour lunch break with him. He said he didn't have time, then when I complained he behaved like a complete ass hole." She set the cup down next to her and slid off the side to claim another hug.

"I told you not to let things slide. He's obviously feeling undermined." Jack pointed out. The look on Gwen's face told him he'd chosen the wrong tack, so he tried a different approach. "Still, he should respect you more. It's not like you asked for the moon on a stick…" He tried. She blinked up at him and sniffed.

"Exactly… I only wanted to see him for a romantic lunch."

"Precisely, which is sweet of you if anything. And even if you had asked for the moon on a stick, you deserve it, you're a princess." Gwen nodded and gazed at him in a odd sort of way.

"Yes I do." She said, sounding a little weak. "Yes I do!" she confirmed, a little more confident.

"Yes, you do." He added, for once completely sincere. She looked at him adoringly, and pushed her face close to his.

"You're a good man Jack Harkness… Not an asshole like him…" She leaned forward a bit more, and Jack felt himself moving towards her as if to kiss her, before Ianto popped into his mind, and he decided he couldn't ruin all his hard work. He pulled back.

"I… I should go and check on Ianto…" He said, clearing his throat. Gwen blushed.

"Yeah… I should get back, you know, reconcile things with my asshole… I mean… That sounded wrong… Er…" Jack laughed despite his embarrassment.

"Go have make-up sex with your asshole." He winked.

"You're disgusting!"

"You love it."

"See you tomorrow…"

"Yeah…" After one more awkward glance, Jack disappeared into his office, and Gwen scurried off to cook a romantic dinner.

When Jack got into his quarters, Ianto was stirring. He blinked up at Jack and pouted, his cheeks flushed.

"What time is it?" Jack settled next to him on the bed, curling around his small body.

"5:30. How you feeling?" He stroked the hair back off Ianto's forehead, noting that the fever was gone.

"Much better. Still not amazing. Why were you upstairs?" He asked. Jack faltered. He looked at Ianto's shiny, blue, trusting eyes, and decided he couldn't hurt him, no matter how small the hurt might be.

"I was just getting a coffee…" He lied, and instantly regretted it. "Go back to sleep. I'll order us in some dinner."


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!! I didn't mean for it to take this long!! Been caught up with working and stuff. I've got a new job in a horsey place, but there's no internet there. Luckily I'll be home 2 days a week so I can write while I'm there and post when I get home. Thanks to my lovely beta wonder for being fantastic, and thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing you make it all worth while. Hope you all enjoy this installment! Please R&R, I'm a hopeless review junkie!!

When Ianto woke, he was nestled safely in the lap of a rather fidgety Jack. Looking up, he saw that the older man was lost in his own thoughts, a nervous look on his face, and was chewing his lip furiously. He snuggled closer, stroking small circles on Jack's tummy and mumbled,

"What's wrong?" Jack looked down at him, wide eyed, obviously shocked that he was awake.

"Nothing… Dinner should be here soon. You're pretty restless this evening." He shifted Ianto up to sit on his lap, curling his arms round him and burying his face into the boy's neck. Ianto cuddled back, his head still a little fuzzy from sleep and his illness, and mewled happily.

"I guess I did too much sleeping today…" He sighed, sitting up. "I'm gonna go get some juice. Want anything?" Jack looked at him oddly again, and Ianto found himself suddenly slightly suspicious.

"No, I'll come too. Best meet the pizza guy upstairs." He sighed, looked at the floor. "C'mon then, baby." He stood up, releasing Ianto and letting him climb the ladder, then followed, playing the evening's events over in his mind. He hated lying to Ianto, loathed it, and he always got caught out when he did. It wasn't even like anything had happened, he should just have told him. Too late now, he realised, as he followed up the ladder and into the kitchenette. "Ianto…"

"Yes, Jack?" Ianto asked, looking up at him expectantly. Great, he already knew something was up.

"You know I'd never hurt you right?" He asked sheepishly, looking anywhere but at the child stood before him. Ianto sighed.

"Yes, Jack, I know you'd never hurt me. What did you do?" Ianto's mind was running wild with possibilities, the foremost of which being 'please God don't let him have accidentally killed Myfanwy!' Jack looked at him, wounded, and pouted.

"What makes you think I… Oh, it's not like I can lie to you anyway… Gwen was here earlier…" Ianto arched an eyebrow and replied, sarcastically,

"Yes, Jack, she works here."

"No." Jack shook his head, "She came back. When I said I'd just been to get coffee, she came back. She'd had an argument with Rhys… And I was comforting her… and…" He looked away, and everything clicked into place in Ianto's mind.

"And you had sex with her." He finished. Jack looked up sharply, mouth open in shock.

"No! Nonono! Nothing like that. We just… She went to kiss me, and I almost kissed her back… AndthenIrealisedwhatIwasdoingandIsaidIhadtocheckonyouandIranaway…" Ianto frowned.

"In English?" He asked sharply. Jack sighed and looked at him pathetically.

"Sorry… I realised what I was doing, and that I couldn't do it, so I told her I had to check on you and we both ran off." He looked at the floor again, his cheeks a little flushed. "But it didn't mean anything, it was just the heat of the moment, and I stopped myself… and…. and…"

"Jack." Ianto interrupted. "It's ok." He smiled softly as Jack looked at him again, like he was speaking gibberish. "Nothing happened, you said it yourself. I understand. It's not easy for you, this situation." He moved forward as he spoke and Jack lifted him into a choking hug. "I know how you feel towards Gwen, and it's fine. I know how hard it is to have gotten so close to me then had it all ruined by this stupid artefact. I know you're secretly all over the place at the moment. If anything, I'm proud of you. You've lasted an entire week without shooting anyone or committing some kind of sexual assault." Jack laughed at that.

"Seriously, I nearly flirted with Owen earlier before I caught myself. I don't know what's wrong with me…" He groaned. "You're too good for me." He sighed, setting Ianto down. "I'm gonna go get that pizza." He went to leave the kitchen.

"Yeah, you'd best do!" Ianto called after him, "And I hope you ordered extra mushrooms on mine." He added, hearing the reply,

"Yeah, yeah, extra red pepper." Ianto laughed at the retreating form, knowing he was only teasing about adding Ianto's most hated vegetable to the pizza. He glanced at the clock, it was just gone midnight. Sighing to himself and shaking his head, he set about filling his beaker with apple juice.

The pizza went down well, and by the time they'd finished the last slice together, even Jack was yawning. He scooped Ianto up, feeling a lot more relaxed now, and carried his sleepy form back to the bedroom, settling down for the third time that evening, and finally going to sleep.

When the two woke, it was because Ianto's shape suddenly changed in Jack's arms. He jumped awake to see that it was just Ianto ageing, then cursed as he realised it must be gone 11 and he was still in bed. Ianto sat up, rubbing his eyes, and blinked at Jack.

"S'late." Jack observed, checking his wrist-strap to see if there was anyone in the building. Tosh and Gwen were there, but Owen was absent, and Jack wondered why neither had bothered to wake him up. Well, actually, he could guess why Gwen hadn't… Yawning and stretching, he clambered out of his bunk and stumbled towards the shower room, calling over his shoulder, "Gonna shower. You can have one after." He heard the muffled reply,

"Whatever." and looked over his shoulder to see Ianto settling back down on the bed. He curled the covers round himself, and buried his nose in Jack's pillow, considering all that had happened over the past week. He supposed it was a good thing that this had happened. He'd been so close to giving himself over to Jack completely. The older man had been pursuing him since they met, and had doubled his efforts after the Lisa incident. Ianto had been so tired and lonely and, dare he admit it, desperate for some kind of affection, that he'd gradually allowed Jack to wear away at his defences. True, Jack had been a gentleman about it. He never pushed Ianto too far or made him feel stupid if he didn't want to do something. They'd played cat and mouse for a long time before Ianto had finally let Jack into his bed, and even then they hadn't really done much. A few frenzied hand jobs and clumsy, hurried blowjobs in the archives wasn't exactly what Ianto would call a relationship. He was glad they hadn't gone all the way, because now Jack seemed to have some newfound respect for him. Maybe he was beginning to appreciate Ianto at last. Letting out a soft sigh, he considered that maybe they were actually starting to form some kind of bond with each other. They loved each other as friends, of course, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, they had feelings towards each other as lovers too. Putting it from his mind, he decided to wait and see how it all panned out. There wasn't much he could do in a seven year old body anyway.

Ten minutes later, a slightly damp-looking Jack appeared from the bathroom, clad in a towel. He shuffled over to the wardrobe, one hand still drying his hair with another towel, and swore loudly.

"I've no trousers!" He whined, turning to pout at Ianto, who would usually have done the washing, but hadn't been able to for obvious reasons.

"Oh dear…" Ianto replied, standing to go over to him, and trying not to smirk. "You'll have to wear jeans… I can wash the trousers today…" He looked up to see Jack pout even more.

"I don't wanna wear jeans…" He whined again.

"Just exactly who is the child here?" Ianto asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Jack screwed up his face, poked out his tongue and made a suitably rude gesture with the hand that wasn't drying his hair.

"What do I do?" He asked, when he was done being immature. Ianto just looked at him.

"I would have thought that was obvious. You know, you're supposed to have some small amount of intellect when the fate of the world rests on your shoulders so often. You wear the jeans."

"But they'll look funny!"

"Oh ye Gods!" Ianto sighed. "Then wear them with one of your undershirts instead of a real shirt. Why do you even have jeans if you wont wear them?" Jack glowered.

"Trinny and fucking Suzanna." Ianto eyed him suspiciously.

"I didn't know you watched TV, let alone make-over programmes."

"I don't. Long story. Very boring. Ended up with my clothes being vaporised on national TV… The jeans were ok though…" He sighed and threw the towel in his hair aside, brushing the damp tendrils off his forehead.

"You'll look great." Ianto promised. "They'll accentuate all your best features." He said in a commanding tone, as if he had a clue what he was talking about.

"Well… they are very tight…" He mused.

"Indeed." Ianto observed, as Jack removed them from the wardrobe.

"So my ass will look fantastic…" Ianto said nothing, just allowed Jack to carry on convincing himself. "And if I only wear an undershirt, it'll show off my muscles…" Ianto snorted, trying not to point out Jack small muffin top problem. Too many full fat lattes and donuts will do that to a man. "Why are you laughing?" He demanded.

"Because you sound like my sister choosing what to wear on a night out. Put the jeans on and go save the world Captain Ridiculous!" Laughing, Jack whipped off his other towel and threw it at Ianto's retreating back, missing him. "I'm going to shower." Ianto called, not looking back.

"Well, sexy jeans, looks like it's just me and you…" Jack sighed, pulling the offending clothing on. "Mmmh… You're actually quite comfy…" From somewhere in the bathroom, with a mouth full of toothpaste, Ianto yelled,

"Shtop tawking to thu jeens you idiot!" Jack glared at the door, and pulled on a top, some socks and boots before climbing the ladder to face the music.

He wandered into the main Hub, casting a glance at Gwen, and made his way towards the kitchenette, but was stopped by a squeal from Tosh.

"Jack! You're wearing jeans!!" She exclaimed, leaping up from her station and stalking around him in circles, leaving him more than a little bemused.

"Er… Yes, I am." He confirmed. "Is that bad?"

"No!" Tosh squeaked, "They look great! They really flatter your legs… and wow… they make your bum look pretty good too…" Jack grinned and leered.

"Looking for a pay rise Toshiko?" He smirked. "Cos you can meet me in my office in 10 and we can discuss terms…"

"Behave!" Tosh growled, swatting him with a handful of paperwork. "I was just telling you they look nice. It doesn't mean I want to have sex with you." She smiled and blushed despite herself, and Jack growled suggestively. "Down boy!" She giggled, and he growled again and bit the air near her as she scurried off back to her station. Turning to face Gwen, he held his arms out wide and did a twirl, before asking,

"So, PC Cooper, whaddya think?" He winked at her, and she blushed, bit back a smile and replied,

"I think you look like a twat." He gasped in mock horror and chased her round the room a little, making the Hub fill with shrieks and squeals. When he caught her, he flung her over his shoulder and threatened to throw her in the pool at the base of the tower. She squealed and flapped.

"No! Jack! Don't! I didn't mean it! What I meant to say was that you looked so sexy I was incapable of truly expressing how amazing you are in words!" Laughing, Jack backed off and set her down, taking the resulting punch to the arm like a man, then going to find himself some coffee.

Ianto emerged from Jack's quarters dressed in camouflage trousers and a white T-shirt that had a picture of a cat on it. The girls descended on him too claiming he was 'just gorgeous' and asking if he was feeling better and did he need anything? He assured them all he was fine and went to sort out the coffee machine after Jack's rampage, just as Owen walked in. Ignoring the bickering between Owen and Gwen, and Jack and Gwen, and Jack and Owen, Ianto made his way around the Hub, tidying up, then went down to Jack's quarters to collect all his washing together. There wasn't too much of it. Just a few pairs of trousers and shirts. He gathered it up, folded it neatly and put it in a bag, before climbing back up to Jack's office.

"Jack, I'm going to take this stuff to the dry cleaners. Want me to do your coat as well?" He asked quietly. Jack looked up and grinned.

"Nah, you don't need to, it's clean." Sceptical of this, Ianto decided to go see for himself, and sighed.

"Jack, it smells like something died in it…" He groaned.

"Well…. I did… Does that count?" Jack continued to grin, then pouted like a child as Ianto took the coat off the hanger, before collapsing into giggles at the result. The coat was heavy. Ianto knew this because he picked it up every day to help Jack on with it. However, he had forgotten that he was maybe not as strong anymore. As a result, the heavy coat had plummeted onto his head, causing him to fall flat on his arse and be swamped in a sea of foul smelling material. Seriously, it smelt like dead weevil. Sighing, he managed to fold it and put it in a bag, before leaving hastily.

"I've got my Bluetooth!" He called, before leaving the hub via the tourist office and walking purposefully across the Plas. In fact, he was walking so purposefully that he failed to notice that the smell of the coat was enticing the weevils. They were trailing him quietly through the shadows as he made his was into town. He was still oblivious when he reached the dry-cleaners and went in, standing on tiptoe to see over the counter. He had his cover story ready, so when the owner came out and looked him over with a smile, he just grinned toothily.

"Hi." He said, childishly.

"Hi there." The dry cleaner replied. "What can I do for you young man?"

"My dad sent me. He says he always comes here… And he said I should say… ummmm.. Oh…. I can't remember…" He bit his lip and looked upset.

"Okay, not to worry, who is your dad?"

"He works in the tourist office."

"Ohhh, I see! Yes, he does come here often. Well, let me see what you have there…" He took the bags, grimacing as he opened the one with Jack's coat in.

"Oh yeah! Now I remember! He said sorry about the smell on the coat! Could you please try and do your best with it, you know how important it is…" He frowned. "I didn't think it made any sense."

"Oh, it does, believe me." The cleaner smiled. "Tell your dad I'll do my best, and it'll all be ready in the morning." He smiled warmly. "I'll put it on his tab."

"Okay. Thanks mister!" He called. "Bye!" He bounded out of the shop, deciding to get some cakes and pastries from town, still unaware that the weevils were trailing him. Taking a shortcut through the backstreets, Ianto hummed to himself loudly to shake off the feeling of being watched. He always got it in these alleyways, so he paid the tingling in the hairs on his neck no attention and carried on walking. As he passed an alley, he heard a muffled yell from the far end, and saw a woman being huddled into the corner by a weevil. Charging into the alleyway to save her, he reached into his back pocket for his gun, realising too late that he didn't have one and he was a seven year old. Panicking he whirled around to see several weevils blocking off his exit. Stepping back, he pressed his comm. unit, watching the weevils stalking him as he gasped,

"Jack! It's Ianto! I'm in trouble. There are tons of weevils here and I have no gun! I'm trapped in the dead-end alley by your favourite bakery!" the earpiece buzzed into life immediately.

"On my way, Ianto. Don't you dare do anything stupid!" Ianto decided to disregard this as one of the weevils made a sluggish lunge for him. He ducked and skittered away from the claws, trying his best to look big and threatening. If he could just avoid them for a little…

It seemed the weevils had other ideas. They formed a tight circle around him, closing in slowly so he had no escape. Praying that one would make a mistake, Ianto twirled frantically, looking for the best way out. There must have been at least twenty of them now. Fortunately, it seemed that three on his left were arguing amongst themselves. His heart racing, he vaulted over one of them who was bent double and ran to the far end of the alleyway, cowering as the weevils advanced on him, growling and snapping. He kept thinking he'd hear the SUV any minute, but no sound came, and finally, the weevil which seemed to have been appointed as leader lunged at him, teeth bared.

A flash of dark blue swept before him and several shots were fired. Ianto collapsed to the floor and gaped up as Jack, Gwen, Tosh and Owen made quick work of the weevils, Jack pelting more bullets then were strictly necessary into the one which had nearly gotten to Ianto. In his fury at that particular weevil, he missed another with a flesh wound coming at him from behind, and before anyone could warn him or react, the weevil had taken him down and was busy ripping the flesh from his neck. Owen pumped three bullets into it, jumping to save Jack's bleeding, but he was already dead.

Ianto didn't move for a moment. He was too shocked. When he did move, he whimpered softly, then crawled forward to set Jack's head in his lap and stroke his hair. Gwen looked helplessly up at Tosh and Owen.

"He'll be back… Why don't you two go wait in the SUV? I'll stay here with Ianto until Jack wakes up." Gwen offered. Tosh and Owen nodded and left, throwing glances at each other as they turned the corner. "Ianto, love, he'll be fine." Gwen tried, but then saw the look on Ianto's face and decided that she should just shut her mouth for once. She watched, bemused and a little touched, as Ianto carefully brushed Jack's hair away from his face and stroked it softly, cradling his head as gently as possible.

"It calms him when he wakes up." Ianto explained matter-of-factly, not taking his eyes from Jack's expressionless face. Gwen just nodded and stepped back, feeling like she was intruding on an immensely private moment. Soon, Jack gasped and jumped into life, stilling as he felt Ianto's tiny hands running through his hair. He sat up and quickly pulled the boy into his lap, cradling him despite the large quantity of blood on his blue shirt. Ianto collapsed onto him and shuddered, letting out a small whimper. "I'm sorry." He whispered, sniffling.

"Gods, Ianto, I thought I'd lost you!" Jack gasped, squeezing the child tighter. "Don't ever, ever make me panic like that again! And what are you saying sorry for?" Ianto looked up at him, his face tear streaked.

"It's my fault… I'm sorry." He whimpered.

"Heeeey." Jack cooed, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb. "Nothing to be sorry for. C'mere." Ianto threw his arms round Jack's neck and buried his face in his hair, and Jack stood, smiling at Gwen. "Gwen, grab some Starbucks and meet us at the SUV."

Tosh and Owen couldn't help themselves. They knew it was wrong when Jack had just died and Ianto had just been in so much danger, but the adrenaline rush had made them both so brimming with energy that there was only one way it could go. Or at least, that was Owen's excuse, he decided as he pushed Tosh up against the side of the SUV, locked to her mouth, tongues fighting for dominance. He drew back, gasping for air, and went straight for the zip of her skirt, just as she did the same for his jeans. Gasping as she slid her hand inside his boxers, he kissed her again, returning the favour. She moaned and writhed against him, and he fumbled to open the car door, climbing onto the back seat with her. Straddling his hips, she pulled his T-shirt up and nipped at his chest, sliding his jeans down, and pulling her skirt up. Groaning, he managed to find a condom and pass it to her, and she opened it and put it in place with surprising dexterity for someone in a hurry. Gasping into his ear, she pressed closer, and slid down onto him, moaning softly as she did so, and he groaned, pushing up to meet her and gripping her hips hard.

"You know, I never listened when they said the quiet ones are best in bed… Wish I had now…" Owen gasped, thrusting wildly.

"Shut up, Owen, you're ruining perfectly amazing sex by talking." She gasped, urging him faster and moaning louder.

"Yes ma'am." He moaned, biting down on her neck.

"That's right, know your place!" She grinned and winked, and they laughed together as they came, gasping and kissing. Panting, Tosh pulled back and righted herself, settling on the seat next to Owen looking like nothing had happened. He managed to get himself back together, but still looked dishevelled as Jack arrived, opening the door to put Ianto on the front seat. He turned and scrutinised Owen.

"You look like you've just been shagged." He commented. "Whereas she," he jabbed a thumb towards Tosh, "Looks pristine." He grinned and turned to her. "Good work Toshiko, I'm proud of you. Harper, practice makes perfect." He winked. When Gwen returned, they all acted as though nothing had happened, knowing that she would frown upon it. Plus he had to sit in the seat where it had taken place… They drove home in relative silence.

One back at the hub, Jack stretched, cracking his neck and back and wiggling his shoulders, and yawned widely.

"I need a shower. Someone look after Ianto while I clean up? In fact, reckon you could run him a bath, Gwen?" Jack looked at her pleadingly.

"Of course pet, you go sort yourself out." She cooed, following Ianto down the corridor, bemused as to why he'd ordered Owen to get the SUV valeted.

Gwen ran the bath as instructed, but left Ianto to it this time, neither really speaking much. It seemed that's eh and Ianto had less and less to talk about these days, and she was still feeling guilty about nearly kissing Jack when she knew how Ianto felt about him, so she disappeared as quickly as possible, promising food when Ianto was done.

He sank into the water, sighing, turning over the day's events in his mind. He hated to see Jack die. Every time it happened, he died a little himself, unsure of whether or not he would come back this time. What if he'd run out of chances? What if this time he was really gone? What made it worse was that it had been Ianto's fault. Despite loud claims to the contrary, he still blamed himself. He settled deeper into the water, shuddering as he realised that he had nearly died himself. That Jack had died protecting him. He never wanted that to happen again.

Jack stood under the spray and washed away the slow ache in his every cell which always followed resurrection. He let the water wash over him and smooth away the grime and hurt and the panic he had felt when he'd found out that Ianto was in trouble, shivering as he recalled just how close he'd been to seeing Ianto ripped to shreds, and decided to never let him be in that much danger again. He turned his thoughts to something a little less depressing, shampooing his hair as he did so, and settling on Tosh and Owen's new relationship. He was pleased. Tosh had been after the doctor for a while, and Owen had wanted her but not known it. They looked cute together, and he was sure they'd be happy. He grinned as he remembered Owen's face back at the SUV. Now, if only he could get his hands on someone like Toshiko Sato. It was evident that she was amazing in the sack… He stopped that train of thought before it turned messy and concentrated on making himself clean.

When Jack emerged from the shower, the Hub was completely empty. There was no noise, and no-one to be seen. Panicking, he looked at the clock to check the time, and found that he'd been in the shower for just over two hours. That would explain the pruneyness then. And the complete lack of personnel. Although, he had thought that he and Ianto were going back to Ianto's flat together tonight to do some more cleaning. Scanning the Hub for life forms, he saw that Ianto was downstairs with Janet. Smiling a little and biting back the panic that had threatened to rise again, he bounded down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to stare at Ianto. For a few seconds, that's all they did, stare at each other with pained expressions on their faces. Then Jack threw himself to his knees, arms stretched wide, and Ianto launched himself into his amrs, immediately burying his face into his neck as he'd become so accustomed to doing. Jack squeezed him tight, breathing in the smell of Ianto and hair products and smiled.

"I thought you'd run off again. What were you doing hiding down here?" He pulled back a little to study Ianto's face, taking in the worried expression there.

"I felt guilty. I needed somewhere to think." He looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Ianto, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't ask the weevils to chase you. So qit worrying OK?" He stood, reaching down to take Ianto's hand, and led him back up the stairs into the main Hub. "We must have been quiet then, for everyone to have gone home by 4."

"Yeah. Actually, they went to catch some more weevils. It seems like they're having a party today."

"Ahh, well… what shall we do while they're gone? Fancy some ice-cream?" Jack grinned.

"I'll make the ice-cream, you go do some more paperwork. You have a mountain of the stuff!"

Ianto fetched the ice-cream and they spent an enjoyable afternoon together trying not to drip the melting chocolate on the paperwork, and giggling like idiots. Just as they were beginning to worry about the others, Jack's mobile rang.

"Jack!" A high-pitched voice squeaked down the line. "We've been chasing this same lot of four weevils for 3 hours now. We're going home. The SUV is parked in the multi-storey near Owen's place. He says he'll bring it in in the morning."

"That's fine, Gwen." Jack grinned, suppressing a giggle at how out of breath she sounded. "Have a nice evening!"

"Oh, I will." She assured him, htne hung up.

"Well, baby, looks like it's just you and me…" Jack mused, putting his pen down. "Pacman?"

"Pacman!" Ianto confirmed, and they raced to the sofa, play fighting over who got the first go. Jack won, so Ianto pouted just so until the Captain relented and gave him the controller. Grinning, he started the game. "Bet I can beat your high score!"


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry and a thousand more sorrys with coffe and myfanwy on top! I have been a bad girl and not posted for so long, however, I am not dead! (I count hat as a bonus lol) I've been working so much I just haven't been writing. Hopefully I'll find more time for that now. Anywyas, this chapter is completely unbetafied, so all the errors are pure, undiluted Lucy. Thanks so much to everyone who reviews for keeping me going, I'm glad you're all enjoying the story so far. Hopefully this chap will be as good :S Anyways, enjoy,a nd don't forget to R&R, I am a slave to your opinions, oh, and let me know if you wanna see anything in particular happen

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Ianto yawned and stretched as the alarm on Jack's wrist-strap bleeped him into wakefulness. He stirred slowly in Jack's arms and pressed the appropriate button on the device to stop the harsh sound ringing in his ears. The Captain made little attempt to move, simply grumbling sleepily and wriggling his nose, before settling back to snoring softly. Ianto laughed quietly and extricated himself from Jack's arms, padding into the bathroom to use the toilet and brush his teeth. In a few hours, he would be eight again. Funny, he had been more excited at the prospect of being eight last time around. Sighing, he attempted to make his spiky black mop lie flat in the mirror, failing miserably, and settled on climbing the ladder to make coffee instead.

He set the coffee machine to bubbling happily, and sought out Jack's favourite blend. This was his favourite time of the morning, when he'd just got into the Hub, and all he could hear was the gentle music of the coffee machine and the soft leathery rustling of Myfanwy's wings as she shook herself awake and took off for an early morning circuit or two of the Hub. Smiling and humming happily, he filled the filter with coffee and went to get the pterodactyl her breakfast. She eyed him thoughtfully, probably due to his strange appearance but familiar smell, and clicked appreciatively when he dumped the food in front of her and covered it with a spattering of barbeque sauce. The sauce still gave him shivers down his spine from the Lisa incident, but he ignored them and gave her a quick scratch behind where he supposed her ears to be, before setting off back to the main Hub. When he arrived, the filter had done its work, and he poured Jack an Americano, anticipating that the vast quantity of sugar the Captain had ingested the night before (in the form of popcorn, ice-cream, chocolate, ice-cream, jelly beans, ice-cream, wine gums and more ice-cream) would need off-setting with the bitterness of strong, black coffee.

He was right. As he climbed one-handed down the ladder, the aroma hit Jack and he groaned appreciatively, in much the same way, Ianto imagined, as he might during sex. He rolled over sleepily, almost falling off the bed, then giggled a little as he straightened, eyeing Ianto suspiciously.

"Up early." He stated, voice thick.

"You didn't hear the alarm?" Ianto asked, handing him the coffee.

"Nuh." Jack grunted, sipping the scaling liquid carefully and whimpering in pleasure as the caffeine hit him. "S'good." He said, gesturing with the cup.

"It always is." Ianto smiled, settling himself next to Jack. "I fed Myfanwy. Does Janet need feeding today?"

"Nuh. Owen did it yesterday." Jack rubbed his eyes sleepily, looking every bit like a child himself. "S'Sunday."

"Indeed." Ianto confirmed.

"Wanna go picnic?" Jack asked, before draining the cup, despite the fact it was far to hot for him. "If there's nothing going on with the rift, that is."

"A picnic?" Ianto asked, his trademark eyebrow quirked at the ready. "Somehow, I can't picture Captain Jack Harkness doing picnics…" Jack looked sideways at him, a mysterious smile on his face.

"I try my best to surprise you." He grinned. "Anyway, I thought you could get out of this Hub for a while… Of course, everyone will assume you're my son again…" Ianto laughed.

"Because we look so alike. Are you using me to attract totty?"

"Never!" Jack gasped, suddenly much more awake. "I'll get you for that insinuation!" Grinning, he lunged forward, grabbing Ianto round the waist and tickling him. When Ianto struggled, he stood up, catching the boy by his ankles and suspending him upside down in mid air. Ianto gasped and giggled and wriggled as the blood rushed to his head,

"Jack!" He yelled through the laughter, "Jack! Put me down! Now! Jack!"

"And if I don't? What are you gonna do about it?" Jack teased.

"Jaack!" Ianto giggled.

"Oh alright… but only cos you pouted." Jack lowered him gently to the floor, and he righted himself. "Now go get dressed whilst I consume more coffee, then we'll check the rift, send everyone home for the day, and go have fun!" Ianto nodded, grinned, and bounded into the bathroom. Chuckling, Jack left his clothes on the bed for him to find and made his way into the kitchenette for another cup of wake-up juice.

The others stumbled into the hub a little after 10, and Jack grinned from his vantage point at the top of the stairs as he saw that Tosh and Owen were arriving together. He smiled happily and cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Go home." He ordered. "Rift's slow, it's a Sunday, go live a little." They looked up at him, bewildered for a moment, then at each other with small smiles. "And Owen," He added.

"Jack?" Owen asked innocently.

"Take Tosh out for lunch. I'll pay. Just take her somewhere nice." The doctor looked shocked.

"Feeling generous today?"

"Feeling happy to be alive." Jack confirmed with a cheeky grin. "Now go! You look like you didn't sleep at all last night… I suggest you go catch up on some shut eye."

"Yes sir!" Tosh grinned sweetly, and they turned to wander out together, hand in hand. Jack smiled after them, pleased that they were both happy, and turned to see Ianto in the doorway in camouflage combats, a khaki T-Shirt and some cute little trainers. His grin grew, and he stepped over to ruffle the boy's hair, earning him a scowl, since Ianto had spent so long getting it to lie flat.

"Jeans again today? Will that dry-cleaning be done?"

"Yeah." Ianto murmured. "Should be… We'll go pick it up when we're in town."

"Good, I feel naked without my coat."

"Not that being naked would bother you, eh Jack?" Gwen's voice chirped up from near the door. "Owen and Tosh told me to go home… It's just that, well, Rhys is away and the flat is empty… I wondered if I could stay anyway?"

"Oh… Well, Ianto and I were gonna go for a picnic…" Jack started.

"You could come?" Ianto finished for him, with a childish smile.

"Oh really? I love picnics!" Gwen's face lit up. "I'll start making sandwiches. Ianto, you can help whilst Jack gets dressed." Ianto nodded enthusiastically, so Jack turned and slid down to his quarters to take a long, lazy shower.

Gwen bossed Ianto around in the kitchen for a while in her fussy, motherly fashion. He played along, if only to keep her quiet, doing the menial tasks she asked of him, such as fetching the margarine, putting things into the picnic basket, which Ianto was sure had appeared from nowhere and was probably alien in origin, and picking up the mess as she made it to save his kitchenette from disaster. Eventually, the fuss of the sandwiches was over, and he was allowed to go about making some thermoses. He decided the largest would have to be full of coffee, else Jack would throw a tantrum, and one eight year old was quite enough. He filled the other with hot chocolate and twisted the lids on before turning to ask Gwen what was next. As he turned, he felt the sudden, unexpected fuzzy sensation which meant he was changing age, and collapsed to the floor. Gwen screamed momentarily, then realised what was going on and crouched to help him sit up.

"Awww Ianto, you really were an adorable eight year old." Ianto offered her a rare grin, and she emitted a small 'squee' of delight. "You're missing a tooth!" She squealed.

"Oh." Ianto probed the gap with his tongue. It was one of his front teeth. He supposed that was going to make it much harder to make anyone take him seriously. "Well… It'll grow back by tomorrow…" He murmured, hauling himself to his feet, his clothes now resting better on his lanky, skinny frame. Gwen looked him up and down with a soft, maternal smile.

"Too thin! You look like you'll snap in half if I do this…" She grinned and lunged at him, tickling his tummy, and he squawked loudly and wrestled her off. Funny… that was more fun when Jack did it… still, he pretended to grin at her. "Ugh… Jack's taking forever."

"I'll go look for him." Ianto declared, and raced out of the room. He bounded into Jack's office and slid down the ladder, coming face to face with Jack who had been just about to start climbing up.

"Hello…" Jack grinned. "Going somewhere?"

"Came to find you." Ianto grinned, turning to climb back up. "Gwen said you were taking too long."

"Yeah, well, perfection takes time."

"Oh, so you're perfect now?" Ianto turned to look at Jack quizzically as he reached the office. "Could've fooled me." Jack pulled a face and brushed past him to stride into the kitchenette, where Gwen was just putting the finishing touches to her picnic basket.

"Ready?" He asked in his best Captain voice, striking a pose with his hands on his hips, which didn't look right at all without his big flappy greatcoat.

"Shut up you idiot. Of course I'm ready. Now move your big melodramatic arse." Gwen grinned with a shove. "You can carry the basket."

"It would be my pleasure, my lady." Jack smirked with a bow, before taking the basket and the arm Gwen offered him and following her out of the kitchenette. She took Ianto's hand and they meandered their way to the SUV after Ianto had checked at least twelve times that the Hub was securely locked and set to alert them if anything happened. Finally, it was time for the picnic to begin, and quite stupendously, it wasn't raining in Cardiff today. They clambered into the vehicle, and set off at a leisurely pace (well, leisurely for Jack's driving anyway…) to the outskirts of town and a nice park Gwen knew of.

The weather held out, and as they pulled into the car-park the sun was shining and a gentle breeze was blowing. The park was fairly full. It was a big area with a playground at one end and a lake and woods for walking at the other. In the middle were several marked out pitches on which children ranging from about 5 to 13 were playing football and rugby whilst anxious adults cheered them on. The playground was full of mothers chatting on benches whilst toddlers played on slides, and fathers swinging their children whilst the kids screamed to go higher and faster. There was a heart-warming atmosphere about the place. The bustle of noise, and the smiles on everyone's faces. It was warm and alive, and it made Jack suddenly feel like Torchwood was worth it after all. Leaping out of the SUV, he opened the back door for Ianto (who had put child locks on it anyway?) and hoisted him out, swinging him full circle and placing him neatly on the floor. Ianto laughed up at him.

"What's up with you?" He asked, eyebrow raised.

"Just happy." Jack grinned, clicked the bleeper to lock the vehicle, and took the picnic basket from Gwen. "Wanna go for a walk by the lake?"

"Promise not to push me in?" Gwen asked with a grin.

"Would I?"

"Yes!" She and Ianto chimed and strolled off, leaving him to catch up with them. He slung an arm round Gwen's shoulders and ruffled Ianto's hair, earning him a scowl. "Hey look!" He exclaimed, pointing across the park. "A fairground!" Gwen and Ianto followed his gesture, and Gwen's face lit up.

"Let's go on the waltzers!" She squealed, turning to the others for approval. Jack nodded, then turned to look at Ianto.

"Can I get candyfloss?" He asked.

"Geez, who's the child here?" Gwen teased.

"The one in the coat." Ianto grinned. "Yes, you can get candyfloss. But not too much!" Jack grinned and they set off towards the fair, arguing about who was gonna be the last to give in after too many sweets and back down from going on one of the many spinning rides.

The fairground was packed with teenagers. Some stood smoking sullenly, others, groups of girls, screeched loudly and careered around the place. They flirted, they fought, and Jack caught glimpses of more than a few doing something else beginning with F round the back of rides. Damn, he missed being a teenager. The rush of just snogging 'til you were dizzy and maybe shoving your hand down someone's trouser's or up a girl's top. It had all been so exciting back then. So new… He grinned at the energy, nearly drowning in the stench of hormones, and tugged Gwen and Ianto by their hands towards a sweet stall.

"Hi!" He grinned at the pretty girl behind the counter.

"Y'alrite love." She replied, flashing him a grin. "What can I getcha?" Jack looked at Gwen, then at Ianto.

"Er… Three toffee apples please." He waited for her to fetch them.

"Anything else love?"

"Er yeah, six bags of candyfloss…" Ianto coughed from beside him, but the lady went to fetch them anyway.

"That it?"

"No, er, three bags of jelly babies." She went and grabbed those.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, three lots of popcorn." She poured the popcorn into buckets.

"Anything else?" She was starting to sound incredulous now.

"Er, yeah, three cokes." She poured them.

"Anything else?"

"Three hotdogs." She looked at Gwen, who just shrugged helplessly, then went to fetch the food.

"Anything else?"

"Er… Do you guys want anything?" Jack turned to Ianto and Gwen. Ianto glared at him pointedly. "Ok, I was kidding!" Jack turned back to that lady. "Just three loads of chips then." The woman let out a breath and got the chips.

"That's it then?"

"Yup." Jack grinned.

"That's £36.45" She said slowly.

"Cool." Jack handed her some notes. "Keep the change." he winked. "Don't suppose you have a bag?" she passed him a couple of carrier bags and he stuffed the sweets in, handing out hotdogs, chips and drinks to the others. "Cheers." They wandered off to a seating area to eat, and Gwen spent a short while staring at Jack incredulously.

"Six? Six bags of candyfloss?"

"Mmmmhm." Jack said, shoving half his hotdog in his mouth at once. "What's the matter, PC Cooper? Can't handle the sugar rush?" At least, that's what she thought he said, the mouthful of sausage made it difficult to discern.

"Don't speak with your mouth full." She chided.

"Like you can talk." Jack grinned, swallowing the hotdog. "You talk with a sausage in the mouth all the time." He winked. She punched him. Ianto snickered.

"Shut up. You sick idiot."

"Just saying what I heard from Owen…" Jack shrugged and tried to look innocent, then winced as Gwen kicked him under the table.

"Dick!" She pouted.

"Calm down children" Ianto sighed, before tucking into his chips. They looked at him in shock, then settled down, and several tables around them smirked at the parents being told off by their child.. At least, that was what they were seeing… "When we've finished, can we go feed the ducks then go on some rides?" Ianto asked, looking up at Jack.

"Sure, baby, anything you like." Jack grinned and shoved the other half of the hotdog in, a satisfied smirk on his face. Ianto sighed and continued eating, and Gwen glared icily at Jack until he finished his mouthful and blew a kiss at her, at which point she smiled coyly and blushed a little.

"Ready?" Ianto asked, looking up from his chips, unaware of the exchange. He blinked at Gwen's slightly pink cheeks, but thought nothing of it.

"I'm not finished." Gwen mumbled, picking up another chip.

"How about I go feed the ducks and you two can come over when you're done?" Ianto smiled innocently. He'd saved the roll from his hotdog for the ducks, and when Jack nodded, he slipped from the chair and dashed off to the pond.

"It's weird. He thinks like an adult, but he still has these childish urges from time to time…" Jack mused, taking a sip of coke and grinning at Gwen. "You should've seen him when I turned cartoons on! I swear they hypnotised him." Gwen laughed and looked up at Jack through lowered lashes.

"You seem to be being the perfect father to him." She smiled sweetly, and Jack considered her a moment, then chuckled.

"I don't know about that. I let him eat an insanely unhealthy amount of sweets last night!" He grinned. "Still, at least he's eating something… I'm not sure he's been taking very good care of himself." He looked across the park to where Ianto was throwing small bits of bread to the ducks with a look of sheer delight on his face, and frowned slightly.

"Well, we'll take care of him." Gwen soothed, reaching across to put her hand over Jack's comfortingly, and stroking his wrist with the pad of her thumb.

"You bet we will." Jack threw her a grin and a wink. "Me and you Gwen Cooper! Against the universe." Gwen flushed with delight and purred,

"You and me." Before leaning across the table to push her face close to Jack's. He raised an eyebrow as her mouth neared his and she paused. The scent of her perfume washed over him. It was soft and pretty, a lot like her, he mused. He considered her face, her eyes closed, lashes fanned out across her cheeks, pretty red lips parted slightly for him to kiss. She was beautiful, he thought, and he did want her. All this took mere seconds before he lifted his hand to tilt her chin just so, and leaned in to kiss her. Not bothering to grace her with a chaste peck first, he went in for the kill, kissing her softly but insistently, grazing his teeth over her lower lip before licking a line where his teeth had been. She made a soft humming noise and kissed him back, her hand settling in his chest. After a few long moments, Jack pulled away, and looked at her quizzically, noting that she was doing the same. He glanced over her shoulder to see Ianto facing them, halfway back from the pond, standing stock still with his mouth open and looking mortified.

"Well that was… Wrong." Jack mused.

"Very wrong… It was like…" She fought to find the words, and he helped her.

"Like kissing my sister, if I had one…" He looked at her face, and she nodded.

"Yeah, it was like kissing my sister…"

"Hey! I do not kiss like a girl!" Jack whined, still anxious as he saw Ianto continue towards them from the corner of his eye.

"Oh, but you do…" Gwen giggled. "Well, at least we got that mistake out of the way…"

"Yeah…" he breathed, bringing his focus back onto her before descending into giggles himself. He laughed hard until Ianto got close, then they both sobered up instantly. Gwen even had the grace to look guilty, even though she wasn't sure anything was going on between them.

"Ianto…" Jack said simply. "I…"

"What was it like?" Ianto asked, his intense sapphire gaze fixed on Jack's mouth.

"Like… kissing my sister."

"You already said that." Gwen reminded him.

"I know I did. But it's true, that's what it was like." Ianto nodded and slid back into his chair.

"Good." He mumbled. "Because maybe now some of us will be able to work in the Hub instead of watching you two make eyes at each other."

"Oh, you're one to talk!" Gwen interrupted, eyes wide. "All you ever do is flirt with him!"

"Now, now, let's not fight over the Captain." Jack warned. "There are people sitting nearby getting very confused about what you just said, Gwen."

"Oh… sorry." She mumbled. "Look, can we just forget this and go on some rides now?" She looked between the two of them, a guilty expression on her face.

"Sure." Jack shrugged, and they both turned to Ianto, who looked up with a small, perhaps triumphant smile.

"Fine by me." He said, and they all smiled again. "Anyway, Gwen, did I hear you saying he kisses like a girl?"

"Yes!" she squealed, keen to bitch with him. Ianto's grin widened.

"And how would you know?" He asked matter-of-factly

"Well…. You know…Sex alien and all that…" She mumbled, blushing.

"Ohhhh of course." Ianto smiled. "Waltzers anyone?"

Owen stretched and yawned, wriggling further down into the pillows. Tosh was curled across his chest, her head resting on his shoulder, drawing lazy circles on his stomach. She looked up when he moved, and they smiled at one another before he leant down to kiss her softly. They'd gone straight to Tosh's place after Jack had given them the time off, and tumbled together into bed for some luxurious sex, before settling down to rest a while. Now the clock read 1:30, and Owen thought he'd best take her for lunch soon.

"Alright sweetheart?" He mumbled, bringing his arm up round her waist.

"Mmmh." She groaned, shifting to rest on her elbow and look at him. Her hair fell in her face, and she flicked it out of the way, giggling, before leaning down to kiss him again.

"Wanna get up and eat?"

"Mmmh." She nodded, sitting up slowly, trailing her hand down his abdomen. He grinned and sat up, brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck, eliciting a short gasp from her. Smirking, he stood up and went to hunt for his clothes, which had ended up scattered around the room quite spectacularly.

Once they were both clothed respectably, they headed out the door, Tosh chattering away about some programme she was building which would help to analyse and categorize all the compounds torchwood came across. Owen nodded in the appropriate places and made small noises of approval as he drove towards the town centre. He parked up and opened the door for Tosh, who smiled and blushed as she got out of the car, then lead her through town to a nice restaurant in the centre. The restaurant was busy and bustling, but they still managed to get a quiet table for two by the window. Owen ordered beers and they perused the menus in comfortable silence.

"See anything you like the look of?" Tosh asked with a smile smirk. Owen looked up and grinned.

"Oh, a few things." He told her, leaning forward to eye her up and down appreciatively. "You know what you want?"

"For dinner?" She asked, making him snort. "I'll have the sea bass." Owen nodded.

"Steak for me." He smiled and indicated to a nearby waitress that he was ready to order. They spent the time waiting for their meals chatting about their childhoods, their homes and their schools, and had moved on to pets by the time that the food arrived.

"Yeah, Lucky was such a funny cat. I mean, considering her name, she was so accident prone. She was always falling off roofs and having near misses with cars." Tosh grinned, remembering her pet when she was at college.

"I only ever had goldfish." Owen confessed. "And I was never any good at looking after them anyway." He chuckled. "They never lasted long, but I would win them in fairs and stuff and take them home." He sighed. "I always wanted a puppy."

"Me too!" Tosh grinned. "My mother wouldn't let me have one when I was young, then when I grew up I never had the time or the space to look after it properly."

"Same here." Owen mused. "Maybe we should get a Torchwood pet. I mean, we have the Weevil and the leather pigeon, but it's be nice to have a puppy."

"Are you kidding? That's be another distraction and possible source of annoyance in the Hub. Jack alone is enough." Tosh giggled.

"Yeah, but you can't pet him."

"Oh, I'm sure if you asked nicely, he'd roll over for you." Tosh smirked, and Owen cringed.

"Lovely. Have I ever told you how much I love the mental imagery you supply for me?"

"No, but I took it as read that you appreciated it." She grinned. They lapsed into silence and continued eating, throwing each other glances and grins over their plates.

Ianto closed his eyes and held on for dear life as Jack drove towards the dry cleaners. The tyres screeched and he was thrown sideways once more as Jack attempted what felt like a hand-brake turn, but was actually just a gentle bend negotiated at close to eighty miles per hour. The brakes squealed and the car lurched to a stop in an area where parking was definitely not permitted. Ianto opened his eyes, and wished immediately that he hadn't. they were parked in the middle of a paved square, on a pedestrian only area, pretty much on top of a fountain.

"Jack, I understand that you can fly T'uula warships and a TARDIS, but do you think you could please take your driving test sometime?"

"No need, baby." Jack grinned. "I drive just fine." Ianto would have laughed if his nerves hadn't been so frayed, so he just emitted a high pitched giggle instead. "You two stay here, I'll go get the coat." Jack commanded before slamming the door and setting off across the square. Minutes later, he was on his way back, coat flapping behind him. He clambered back in the SUV and started the ignition. "Right! Back to the Hub, and we can eat this picnic on the floor in my office." He boomed. "I'd go back to the park, but look outside." He grinned. Ianto knew what he meant. Wales had caught up with itself and the rain was coming down with a vengeance. He rolled his eyes, then gripped the door for dear life as Jack set off again.

When they reached the Hub, it was gone half past 5, so they immediately set u the blanket in the board room, and Jack carried the basket through, placing it next to Ianto.

"What've we got?" He asked, sniffing the air for any hint of coffee.

"Sandwiches, coffee, hot chocolate, crisps, biscuits… The works." Ianto grinned, working at the fastenings before unpacking the picnic onto the blanket. They ate leisurely, consuming more coffee than was healthy, and giggling together about nonsense. When Jack finally gathered the presence of min to check his watch again, it was 9:30.

"Bloody hell! That late?" Gwen gasped when he informed them of his discovery. "I've got to get going. Rhys will be back soon and I need to make some food for him." Ianto and Jack nodded wisely.

"Go home. Be normal. See if we care." Jack pouted, sticking his tongue out for good measure.

"Oh, shut up you big baby." Gwen giggled, shoving him. "See you both tomorrow." She chimed, bounding out of the Hub.

Tosh glanced at the clock. It was 9:30. They had been in this bar for just over and hour, and she was bored. Owen drifted back over to her from the toilets, a look on his face which, she imagined, was similar to her own expression.

"Shall we bust this joint love?" He asked, standing close and shouting over the loud music, his arm possessively round her waist.

"Yeah, I think we should go home." She replied.

"Back to mine then?"

"Sure." She nodded, and he led her carefully outside and into a taxi. They got back to Owen's and tumbled through the door, both a little tipsy. Owen pulled her close, arms settling round her waist, and dragged her in for a sloppy, sensuous kiss. She wound her arms round his neck, pushing closer, and lost herself in the sensations, pulling back to breathe after a while.

"Bed?" He asked, almost wearily.

"Mmmh." She sighed, settling her head on his shoulder. "So tiired."

"Yeah, that'll teach us to join kickboxing practice." He chuckled. "Ok, you go on ahead, I'll bring in some water. Make yourself comfy." He meandered into the kitchen, already half asleep, and hunted down two clean glasses, filling them with cold water, before stumbling through to his bedroom. Tosh was asleep on top of the covers, She'd only managed to half undress. Smiling at how sweet she looked, he tugged off her jeans and settled her under the duvet, before stripping to his own boxers and snuggling beside her, drifting into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Jack looked at Ianto, an unreadable expression on his face. Ianto thought it might be how Jack Harkness showed guilt. He smiled sweetly and crawled over the picnic blanket to settle on Jack's lap, arms wrapped round his neck. Leaning up, he kissed Jack on the cheek quickly.

"It's ok. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I understand." He rested his head on the older man's shoulder, feeling Jack relax and bring his arms up to hold Ianto gently.

"Thank you." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

"I know, don't worry." He felt Jack move, and all of a sudden he was being carried into the office and down into Jack's quarters. He was set down next to the bed, and the changed into their night clothes in silence, until Ianto spoke up. "If anything, I actually feel glad. I mean, you didn't feel wrong when you kissed me." He turned, smiling up at Jack.

"No, no I didn't. It does, however, feel odd to be having this conversation with an eight year old." He smirked. "Hurry up and grow will you?" He asked before climbing under the covers. Ianto chuckled.

"It'll only take a couple of weeks, promise." He replied, sliding under the covers and curling up in the safety of Jack's arms, he drifted off to sleep happily. Jack smiled down at him, not tired himself, and settled for a night of watching this strange, wonderful boy sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tadaaaa! I know, you must all hate me viciosuly and want to murder me in my sleep, but here it is, chapter 9. Unbeta'd and here for your viewing pleasure. Sorry it took so long, there have just been so many obstacles this chapter, mostly work related. I've buggered up my leg twice, had to go to A&E once, but thankfully nothing is broken, I'm still in one piece, just a little bruised. I am truly tuly sorry though. Thanks to all of you for your continual encouragement. I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying this as much as I am. There are a whole lot of you to thank, but I'd particularly like to mention Hotflower901 and LadyAnalyn for being such lovelies. There are more of you who always review and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, so I'd like to thank everyone, even those I haven't listed. Well, now that you've all died from an overdose of Lucy-induced fluff, I hope you enjoy the next chapter. As always, let me know what you think, I'm waiting for your reviews like a child waits for Father Christmas (although hopefully your reviews actually exist :D). R&R and you will recieve eternal cookies for your trouble. Love xxx

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Owen woke with a start and a sudden thought. He blinked himself into consciousness, aware of Tosh's sleeping body next to him, and not wanting to wake her. She lay curled into his side, her hair in her face, which was peaceful and relaxed. She looked beautiful, and he wished he could just lie there for a while, but his idea was pressing at his mind, and it was a whopper of an idea! Carefully, he disentangled his limbs from hers, settling the covers around her, and hunting down some clothes. He scrawled a quick note to her and left, glancing at the clock. It was 6:30, he might just do it in time…

Tapping his foot, he waited and checked his watch three times during the short journey down the invisible lift into the Hub. There were no signs of life, however, there was what seemed to be the leftovers of a picnic in the boardroom. Owen smirked and bounded up to Jack's office, walking softly over to the hole in the floor and lifting the cover. A rather awake Jack looked up at him with a confused smile on his face, and a sleeping Ianto in his arms. Owen quirked an eyebrow and made a mental note to talk to him about that later.

"I've got an idea." He said to Jack, who raised an eyebrow. He wondered, since Jack was obviously wide awake, if he had even slept… maybe he never slept… No, that'd be too weird!

"Shhh. You'll wake him." Jack pouted up to him, gesturing at Ianto's snoring form.

"Good. I need him. I think I might be able to sort out this whole Tea-boy ageing crisis."

"Oh?" Jack looked genuinely intrigued now. He sat up, disturbing Ianto, who snuffled, wriggled and blinked a little before grumbling.

"Whasgoinon?" Jack looked down at him, grinned, ruffled his hair, then looked back at Owen.

"Doctor Early Riser here thinks he can sort out your ageing problem."

"Oh?" Ianto asked, looking up with such a similar look to the one Jack had just given him that Owen wondered if it was catching. He suppressed a shudder.

"Yeah. I need to hook you up to some machines. If I can measure the energy and the frequency and all the other stuff that goes on during your changes, I can try to recreate it and age you faster than the artefact is doing it."

"Ohhhh." Jack and Ianto nodded simultaneously. "And this had to be done at 7 in the morning because?" Ianto continued.

"Because I need time to set up the monitors and check they're working properly before you change. And I really want coffee…." Owen smirked. Ianto nodded sagely, as though that was the answer he had expected, then shuffled to the edge of what Jack liked to call a bed and plopped off onto the floor. He padded off towards the bathroom. Jack watched him go then turned to look at Owen.

"I think you can take that as a 'yes, Owen, you can use me as a guinea pig in your crazy experiment'." He smirked.

"Okay." Owen nodded. "I'll go start setting up the autopsy bay. You… Do whatever it is you do…" He turned on his heel and headed briskly towards his desk to pick up a few things. Jack shrugged, pulled on a shirt, resolving to have a shower and change his clothes later. At the risk of death, he padded to the coffee machine and pressed buttons until it gave him two lattes, before carrying them over to the autopsy bay where Owen was busy twiddling with things and talking to himself.

"You know that's a sign of madness, right?" He offered loudly as he descended the stairs, making Owen jump and bump his head on the underside of the gurney. "I'm almost proud of you… coffee?" He extended his arm and Owen swooped upon the mug, taking a long swig before drawing back to look incredulously at the brew.

"Who made this?" He asked, a look of disgust on his face.

"I did… Is it bad?" Jack asked, risking a sip of his own cup, then resisting the urge to spit it out.

"Did you empty out the grinds?"

"Nope… What? What's that anyway?"

"Oh Ye Gods! The brown stuff which you filter water through to get the coffee… you're supposed to empty it every so often." He supplied in a flat monotone as though talking to a two year old.

"Alright! I know how to build a teleportation system from scratch, no need to talk to me like I know less about technology than your Grandma!" Jack threw back, looking wounded.

"If you know how to make a teleportation device, how come we still use the SUV?"

"I like the winding country roads. And you'd only do something stupid like teleport into the ladies toilets or the women's shower-room at the gym."

"True… I concede that. Well, I can use this disgusting tar for some of the plants in the hothouse, so leave it on the side." He nodded as Jack set down his cup. "Now… About your sleeping arrangements…"

"What about them? And don't try to tell me to move out of the Hub, countless people have tried and failed." Jack said determinedly, stance set for a fight.

"I don't give a rat's arse where you sleep. It's the Teababy I'm concerned about. You can't still have him in your bed. He needs his own room now."

"Why?" Jack looked genuinely perplexed. Owen rolled his eyes.

"Think, Jack. What's the usual reason Adults don't sleep with 8 year olds. We don't know if the experiences he has now will have a lasting effect. He needs his own room."

"But there isn't anywhere in the Hub, and anyway, it's not like I'm doing anything! We just go to sleep." Jack was now looking slightly pathetic.

"Jack, I know you're not doing anything to harm him. It's ok, he can come stay with me for a while."

"But…"

"No buts. He needs space. You are NOT his father." Owen challenged, putting on his best authoritative voice and face.

"Okay…" Jack looked at the floor. "Doctor's orders and all that…" He sighed. "So, lets hook up this machinery." He stepped forward to help Owen connect all the cables.

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Ianto emerged from the shower-room, clambered up the ladder and went to make his way to the autopsy bay. Until he caught the telltale smell of coffee, that was. Upon discovering the scent of coffee in the air, he swiftly made a beeline for the kitchenette, stopping in the doorway and making a strangled sort of scream at the wreckage of his beloved coffee machine.

"Jack!" He yelled in a similar tone. "Get the fuck up here NOW!" He heard something clanging and assumed Jack had dropped whatever he was doing.

"You know, it's a bit disconcerting hearing an eight year old say 'fuck'." Jack remarked as he bounded up the stairs, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"What, precisely, is THAT!?" Ianto growled, pointing in the direction of the carnage. Jack looked into the room, and his grin suddenly disappeared to be replaced with a look of abject horror. His face paled and his mouth worked silently for a while before he found his voice.

"But… But I… I didn't… I only made two lattes!" He stuttered, incredulous.

"How many buttons did you press?" Ianto demanded. "Because the latte button does not do that!" He pointed vigorously at the mess and Jack was forced to look at it again. The kitchenette, which was usually sparklingly clean and smelt softly of detergent, was covered in scalding, sticky brown water, which wasn't quite coffee, but rather some kind of boiling treacle. The machine itself was still regurgitating this viscous liquid like there was a never-ending supply of the stuff within its bowels. The front panel of the machine had fallen off and was lying on the floor coated in the ooze, steaming. The insides of the machine were sparking and smoking. The milk steamer had fallen off and was rolling in small circles on the floor. Several tidy stacks of small coffee mugs had fallen to the floor and smashed. One end of the machine, where the filter coffee usually came out, had exploded, and the bits were scattered across the room. This was where most of the fluid had leaked from. Unfortunately, some of the exploded bits had taken a journey straight into the side of the glass jar which held Jack's favourite coffee beans, smashing it to smithereens and sending most of the coffee onto the floor and into the swamp of disgusting brown mess. In short, the kitchenette was ruined.

"I… I guess I probably pressed most of them at least once…" Jack turned to look at Ianto. He looked beyond livid. His eye twitched and a nerve in his jaw jumped. He slowly turned his head to look up at Jack.

"I'm going now. I'm going to go to the autopsy bay and pretend I never came over here this morning." Ianto began in a monotone which belied his true fury. "I'm not going to come back to the kitchenette all day. At six thirty when everyone has gone home, I'm going to come back and make cocoa for the two of us. By that time, there will be no trace of this ever occurring. UNDERSTOOD?" He glared silently, and Jack, for the first time in a long time, found himself truly scared. He couldn't muster a sentence, so just emitted a high-pitched squeak and nodded meekly. Nodding himself, Ianto turned and stalked off to the autopsy bay.

Jack looked at the clock. It was 8 am. He had 10 hours. Glancing back at the disaster zone, he let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, then fled to make some necessary phone calls, and call in favours from old friends.

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Ianto thundered into the autopsy bay, turned around three times, breathed heavily and counted to ten, then looked up to see Owen looking at him, one eyebrow raised in contemplation.

"May I suggest a trip to the psychiatrist and a possible lobotomy?" He questioned.

"May I suggest a nice cup of shut the fuck up, and that you call Tosh and get her to call into Starbucks on the way here." He glared the same glare he'd used on Jack, and Owen went a shade paler.

"Oh… Yeah… I'll go do that now…" He murmured, scurrying out of the room to follow his orders. Ianto sat on the autopsy table, calmed himself down, and wondered, if he had this much power as an eight year old, why did he still feel worthless as an adult? All things considered, he supposed the team were showing him now that he wasn't worthless to them at all. Maybe he had just been reading things wrong. Sighing, he lay back on the table, glaring at the ceiling, and imagined he saw that too go a shade paler. Although, since it was already white, that wasn't technically possible… Was it?

Owen re-emerged, silent, and continued his work around Ianto, not even breathing in a irritating manner. Ianto smirked to himself and listened to the sounds until Owen was finished, then he sat up and shuffled to face him.

"Ok, so how's this going to work?" Owen looked up at him from where he was crouched near the socket in the wall. He smiled then launched into a fully blown step by step account of what was about to happen. Ianto found himself a little confused. Ok, a little was an understatement. He hadn't a clue what Owen was on about. He waited until Owen finished, not wanting to interrupt him when he was talking so animatedly. Once silence returned, he smiled sympathetically and said, "In English please?"

"Oh…" Owen looked at him like he really was eight years old. "Yeah, sorry. Basically, there must be certain energies running through you at the point that you collapse. I'm going to measure those energies now, and then monitor them whilst the change takes place. Once we know what the energy pattern is, we can start trying to recreate it." Ianto nodded. It sounded like a good plan.

"So you need to hook me up to this crazy contraption?" He asked, eyeing the mess of wires sceptically.

"Yes indeed." Owen grinned, advancing on him.

An hour later, when Tosh arrived on the scene and looked in, handing around coffee, Owen was tapping a pen impatiently against the desk and muttering to himself whilst he read the screen before him, and Ianto was trying his hardest to ignore the irritating noise whilst re-reading 'War and Peace', sitting cross-legged on the autopsy table and hooked up to the scanner. Smiling, Tosh gave Owen a quick kiss whilst Ianto wasn't looking, then deposited their coffees on the table before heading towards Jack's office. From the explanation Owen had given him, she would be needed to help Jack sort out the kitchenette today.

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Jack was in what could only be described as a flap. He and Gwen were bumbling round his office like crazies, which made Tosh stop and smile before she entered. Funny how when the world was in danger from some undeterminable force, Jack was cool as a cucumber issuing orders, but when Ianto was cross about the state of the kitchenette, which was understandable considering its current state, everything went to pot. Stepping over the threshold, she bellowed,

"STAND STILL!" The effect was immediate. Jack and Gwen froze, before turning around slowly to gaze at Tosh. "Good. Now, what have you done so far?"

"Nothing!" Jack burst out in a pitiful whine. "There's so much to do! I don't know where to start!" Sighing, Tosh shook her head.

"Right. Gwen, go get a mop and bucket and get up as much of that mess as you can. We need to see the damage before we can fix it. Jack, come with me." Gwen left the room quickly, and Jack turned to her, confused.

"Where are we going?" He asked with a pout.

"To town. We're going to a showroom so that you can choose kitchen things. An ex of yours works there and she's still sweet on you, so we can get a quick delivery."

"Ugh, not Sylvia?" Jack asked with a groan, covering his eyes.

"Yes, Sylvia. It's the only way…" She grinned and put on a mock sex kitten voice for the next bit, "_Jack baby_." She grinned as he glared at her.

"I was drunk! I blame Suzie… She was the worst two night stand I ever had!" He ran a hand through his hair. "I refuse to flirt with her!"

"Ooh, that's a first." Tosh giggled. Ignoring Jack's continuing loud complaints, she grabbed his sleeve and dragged him out of the Hub.

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Ianto glanced at the clock, then went back to drinking his coffee, which, he noted, was single shot. Jack had obviously told the team to cap his caffeine intake or something. He usually had three shots in his coffee… He pouted in protest, before turning to Owen.

"Six minutes to go. You got the data you needed?" He asked the medic, who was currently scribbling furiously on a piece of paper.

"Yup. I have readings of everything from you. Blood work, BMI, hormone levels, residual rift energy, you name it, I got it. If anything changes, this machine will bleep like you've just won Pac-man, and we'll all know how awesome I am." Owen grinned, satisfied with his own genius.

"And if it doesn't bleep?" Ianto asked, eyebrow raised. Owen frowned.

"You dare doubt my genius? If it doesn't bleep then we've scientifically proved that you're as weird as I always said you were." He grinned and Ianto fought the childish urge to poke out his tongue.

"Brilliant." He deadpanned instead. "Then I can escape this madhouse and go to a proper asylum, where the doctors actually know what they're doing." He smirked, and Owen looked wounded.

"Shut up. You're about to do that weird ageing thing again. I need you to be silent."

"Whatever." Ianto replied and spent the next few seconds glaring at Owen, before the familiar feeling overcame him and he blacked out. The first thing he became aware of when he woke was that there was definitely no bleeping going on. The second was that Owen was cursing like a sailor.

"Pile of shit alien technology. Waste of fucking time. Why does nothing fucking work around here?" He fumed as Ianto sat up and blinked at him.

"What happened?"

"Fuck all." Owen growled. "The machine says you just switched off, then switched back on again with new readings. Didn't pick up any energy signals or anything. Bollocks! I was sure that'd work." Ianto merely laughed at him until a death glare stopped him. "And you can shut the fuck up too." He growled, removing the monitoring equipment from where it was attached to Ianto. "Go… Hide somewhere. I'm gonna call a meeting in the boardroom to discuss this."

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Jack made sure to drag his feet along the carpet and pout as much as possible, avoiding eye contact with anyone lest the turn out to be the dreaded Sylvia ('_That's Sylvie to you, Jacky baby_'). Tosh dragged him round by his lapel until he whined that she was ruining his coat and she demanded he follow her of his own accord. They'd almost finished picking out new things for the kitchenette, a process which Jack was finding enjoyable despite his best attempts at sulking, when a high pitched squeal echoed across the showroom, and Jack flinched, trying to duck inside a nearby shower cubicle. He didn't quite get there in time.

"Jacky baby!" The high pitched voice continued. "Oh, it's been so long!" She swooped towards them, and Tosh stifled a laugh. Despite the store's uniform of baby blue shirts and navy skirts or trousers, Sylvia was wearing a pink blouse over a white vest top, buttoned under her substantial bust to accentuate it, and a pair of tight, almost spray on jeans which were clearly designed to draw attention to her rear. Her stomach was showing, and she had a bright pink piercing there. Her blonde hair was coiled into tight ringlets around her head, and she was wearing large quantities of pink plastic jewellery, along with a silver chain with a heart motif on the end and an embossed S on it. Her hands were covered in silver rings of various styles, and she had several silver bangles also, which clanged together as she moved in much the same fashion as a bell on a cat's collar. It made Tosh surprised that they hadn't heard her coming sooner. Her make-up was overdone, giving the impression of some kind of glamour model. She was, it had to be said, hot. There was no doubt about that. Anyone who attracted the attention of Jack Harkness tended to be so. However, she was also the most clingy, overpowering and downright _irritating_ woman Toshiko Sato had ever met. She gave the overall impression of trying too hard, and Tosh thought she looked like a slut. Jack thought she looked alright, but he wasn't EVER going to go there again. Ever!

"Hi Sylvia." Jack mumbled. "Just…er… looking at kitchens." He flashed her as much of a grin as he could muster. "didn't know you worked here." Tosh elbowed him in the ribs and mumbled,

"Come on, you can do better than this! Do it for Ianto!" Jack grimaced suddenly, then cleared his mind to focus on the task at hand. Sylvia, who hadn't heard Tosh, twiddles a strand of hair between her fingers and looked up at Jack through lowered lashes.

"I've told you before, Jacky, it's Sylvie to you." She smiled coyly, and he flashed her a much better grin.

"Of course it is, Sylvie." He practically purred, and even Tosh was impressed by his skills. She mouthed 'that's better' over Sylvia's shoulder. "Well, actually, I could kinda use your help. You know how useless I am, and, well, this sort of thing needs a woman's touch, don't you think?" He asked with a goofy smile. Sylvia melted. It was amazing, Tosh considered, how easily Jack seemed to get women into the palm of his hand… figuratively speaking, of course… Well, also literally speaking…

"You're absolutely right, Jacky baby. I know how cold and lonely bachelor pads can get without a woman's presence." She practically leered, and Jack fought the urge to run, staying on the spot and bringing his arm around to rest his hand on the small of her back.

"Exactly, Sylvie. So, what I need is to re-do my kitchen right away! I've chosen most of it, but I need your help choosing the most vital part… the kitchen sink!" He winked at her, recalling that one of their… liaisons… had begun in that very place. She blushed prettily and giggled.

"Oh, yes, that is very important." She giggled again, trailing one finger up his chest. "Let me give you a hand with that." She grinned wickedly, trailing her whole hand down his chest, with the clear intent of reaching parts of his anatomy which he really, really didn't want her near. Instead he grabbed the hand and kissed her knuckles quickly with a grin.

"Lead the way, my heroine!" He grinned, then as she was leading him towards the sink section, turned to Tosh to pull a face and mouth 'help!'. Tosh merely smiled at him and followed at a distance.

Around twenty minutes later, when Jack had flirted his way through the choosing of a simple stainless steel sing, and had avoided being molested, they stood at the counter, Sylvia hanging off Jack's arm and giggling.

"Thank you so much for your help, Sylvie." He grinned. "You've been fantastic as always." She giggled again and fluttered her lashes at him. "There's just one more thing I need your help with…"

"Oh? And what's that Jacky baby?" She cooed, pressing close to him.

"Well, since I need this kitchen doing super fast, I really, really need the parts delivering as soon as possible… I'm sure that since you're so amazing, you can get someone to do that for me, right?" He leaned down to grin conspiratorially at her. "Then I'll have the rest of the day free to have a bit of fun." He winked and she blushed again.

"Anything for you, baby." She purred. "I'll have one of the guys drop it round in half an hour."

"Sylvie, you're just too good to be true." He wrapped his arms around her waist. "So, when do you get off work?" She gazed up at him adoringly.

"Not until 6:30, I'm afraid…" She pouted.

"Oh, and I have an appointment at 7. How about I take your number and we can schedule coffee sometime?" He leered, letting his hand slip just a little lower.

"I'd love that." She grinned, whipping out a pad and a pen and scribbling her number and name along with a few hearts and kisses. "Call me anytime, baby."

"I'll do it as soon as I finish my appointment tonight." He said with a warm smile. "Thanks for your help, see you as soon as I can." He gave her a small hug and a kiss on the cheek, then turned to leave. She waved them out of the store with a huge grin plastered on her face.

Jack waited 'til they were safely back in the SUV before making a mock retching noise.

"I will have my revenge, Toshiko. You wait and see." He pouted, then went back to sulking.

"Sulk all you like, Jack, I just saved your arse from being murdered by Ianto."

"True… but you almost got me eaten by a vicious predator in the process." He grinned, and they both giggled.

"Is it just me, or has she gotten worse?" Tosh asked through her laughter.

"No, she was always that bad." Jack grimaced. "I mean, can you imagine? The sex was amazing, but afterwards… I've never woken up regretting anything more in my life! She just talked and talked and talked.. Then started saying how we would be married and…" He shuddered. "It was hell." Continuing to moan about how terrible she was, Jack started the engine and drove back to the Hub, where he was immediately called to the boardroom by Owen.

Jack and Tosh entered the boardroom together, curious as to what Owen had discovered. They paused in their curiosity to take in the sight of a nine year old Ianto, who was impossibly adorable. Jack's irritation at Sylvia melted away to be replaced by a flush of warm, fuzzy feelings at seeing Ianto again. He was slightly dishevelled, hair a mess despite Jack being sure he had spent a lot of time trying to sort it out. He sprawled on the chair in a pair of cream shorts and a navy hooded jumper, a graze on one knee where he had fallen over earlier, and a cotton bud pressed to his arm from where Owen had taken a blood sample. He was grinning up at the projector screen with a look of utter happiness on his face, laughing unabashedly at the video footage Owen was showing him of various humorous accidents. Jack thought that he looked so without inhibitions, so naïve and happy and innocent that he wished he could keep him like that forever. He wasn't at all the Ianto Jack was used to seeing, hidden behind his mask of butlerisms and wit. He was comfortable in his own skin, and his laughter was infectious and endearing. Jack found himself laughing along, despite not being aware of what exactly had happened in the latest clip, and noticed that Tosh was doing the same. Ianto turned at the sound, his laughter replaced by an easy grin.

"Hi, Jack." He smiled, keeping to his word about pretending that the mess in the kitchen hadn't happened.

"Hi, baby." Jack replied, grinning back and finding himself suddenly awkward and cumbersome compared to Ianto's easy presence. "How are you feeling?" He probed.

"Oh, I'm good thank you." Ianto chuckled. "Owen, however, is feeling a little wounded. Do be nice to him." He grinned conspiratorially, and Jack chuckled himself.

"Speaking of which, Owen, how'd it go?" He asked, seating himself at his usual place, and flashing a smile at Gwen. Owen cleared his throat, shut off the video and frowned in an important manner.

"Ok, so… There were slight complications…" He began.

"What Owen means to say is that his plan was a load of rubbish." Gwen interrupted with a smirk.

"Not true, Gwen." Owen responded with a scowl. "Whilst the test didn't show anything we can actually use, it did throw up some interesting things for us to consider. Basically, instead of an energy changing Ianto's body on a molecular level, the device is merely switching Ianto off, then turning him back on in an advanced state." He frowned some more. "Basically, there is nothing we can do to recreate its effects."

"But surely that's simple…" Gwen piped up. "You've said it yourself. The device switches Ianto off then on again. We just do that…" Everyone in the room turned to look at her incredulously. It was Tosh who spoke up, afraid that Jack was going to bite her. She switched on her best 'trust me, I'm a techie' face.

"Gwen, you do realise what 'switching off' means?" She began, then paused to see if it would sink in. It didn't seem to, so she continued. "You're basically suggesting that we kill Ianto then restart his heart… It's way too risky." She frowned, resisting the urge to smirk as realisation dawned on Gwen's face.

"Oh! God! Sorry, I thought… No! We couldn't do that!" Gwen blurted, face flushing, and everyone in the room let out a collective breath.

"Ok, so now that PC Psycho has suggested murder as an option, I'm willing to discuss the real merits of my discovery." Owen said in a monotone, earning him a glare from Gwen.

"Forgive me for sounding blunt, Owen…" Ianto said quietly, "But there doesn't seem to be a merit there. Basically, you have discovered that there is no way of recreating the process to age me. That seems to be a negative where I'm sitting."

"Yes, it does." Owen said with a satisfied smirk. "But only because your tiny brain can't think of any other consequences of that fact."

"Alright, kids, lets not bicker, or it'll be off to bed with no dinner for the both of you." that earned Jack a smile and a laugh from Tosh and Gwen and a scowl from Owen and Ianto. "Owen, get to the point. What's so great about Ianto 'switching off'?"

"Well, there aren't many species capable of doing that sort of thing. It'd have to be a highly technically advanced. That means we've narrowed the list of possible origins for the device. Once we obtain a list of possibilities, we can cross-reference them with the language pattern Tosh decoded on the device, giving us the species who made it. Once we know the species, it'll be much easier to work out how to work the damn thing, thus restoring Teababy to his usual state and giving us all a break from Captain Jack Horny and his army of sexual innuendos." Owen smiled in triumph.

"The frog-man makes a good point…" Ianto mused, causing Owen to grace him with his best 'fuck off' scowl.

"I like it, Owen. Take Ianto to the archives with you and check out all the species on record and whether their technical ability is that advanced. Then buzz Tosh and she'll help you cross reference." Jack beamed. "Good work, team. Keep it up." With that, he stood and swooped out of the office in true 'oh, yeah, look at me, I'm so hot it hurts' fashion, and strode towards the tourist office.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto glanced at his watch. He had been helping Owen for hours now. It was 5:30, and he wondered how Jack was getting on with the Kitchenette. Realistically, he had set the man an impossible task, he knew. However, Jack Harkness was nothing if not impossible. He let various scenarios of how the room would look when he got back reel through his mind. He was bored down here, but they had reached W, and were about to move on to X in their list of species. Unfortunately, there were a shit load of aliens whose names began with a Z, so they still had quite a way to go. Sighing, he turned his attention back to the task, aware that he was complaining as much as Owen was.

xxxxxxxxxx

Jack looked at his watch, and smiled, triumphant. He wad spent the entire afternoon getting this kitchenette fitted, and then retconning the delivery men so that they remembered a small flat in the fashionable part of town, the address of which just so happened to be the home of one of his most hated Unit liaison officers. If Sylvie went looking for him, a certain Mr Harold Worthington would get an unexpected and fairly unpleasant surprise.

The kitchenette itself was spotless. It looked even better than before. A new tiled floor was down and sparkling in a navy blue, the counters and sink were all stainless steel and shining, and the appliances, including the new, bigger, improved coffee machine, were all blue to match the floor. The walls had been painted in a pale blue, which Jack considered to be the colour of Ianto's eyes. The new table was also stainless steel, and he had bought stainless steel chairs and some high stools at the breakfast bar, an addition he had chosen. The light fittings too were a sparkling silver. The fridge was navy blue with a stainless steel handle. In short, it looked perfect. Jack swelled with pride and considered that he had done all of this (admittedly with a little help) before 6pm. He grinned to himself and went to sit in his office, dismissing Gwen and Tosh for the day as he did so, and replying to their cheery goodbyes.

xxxxxxxxxx

Ianto and Owen made their way up from the archives to find that the others had gone home. Ianto considered the clock, finding it to be time to go and see what sort of state his kitchen was in. He turned to Owen.

"Coffee before you leave?" He asked with a nervous smile.

"Sounds good, mate." Owen smiled. They had managed to be civil to each other all afternoon, and Ianto was almost feeling warm towards the doctor. Smiling, he left Owen by his station, where he had found a note from Tosh, and made his way tentatively to what he expected to still be a bomb sight.

Stepping through the threshold of the kitchenette, Ianto gasped, and his eyes welled up. It was perfect. It was better than perfect. It was… _his_. It sparkled, gleamed and glistened in all the right places. It was beautiful. He was amazed at how good a job jack had done, and found himself breathless at the scope of his hard work.

"Like it?" he heard a voice ask tentatively from behind him. Turning, he looked up to see the nervous face of a certain Jack Harkness, who was worrying at his lip in a way that made Ianto want to fling his arms round him and gush. Instead, he beamed.

"It's wonderful." He stretched out his arms and Jack lifted him with some effort. "It's beautiful." He wrapped his arms round jack's neck and hugged him tight. "It's _perfect_!" He exclaimed with a squeeze, and Jack chuckled.

"Well, I aim to please." He grinned, releasing Ianto and putting him down. "And I promise never to use the coffee machine again without your instruction." He said solemnly, one hand over his heart. "On pain of death… several times over." He grinned. Ianto laughed.

"Well, we'd better christen it. Hot chocolate?" Jack nodded enthusiastically, so Ianto set about making their beverages, completely forgetting about Owen in the process. They were snapped out of their reverie when Owen cleared his throat in the doorway.

"Sorry to crash the party, but I need to get back now. Gotta phone my little sister." He drawled. Ianto looked at him quizzically.

"Ok… Why are you telling us?" He ask, confused, and saw Jack's face fall slowly.

"Oh…" Jack sighed. "I forgot to tell you…" He frowned. "You're going to stay with Owen now… I'll er… See you in the morning." He smiled weakly, then left the from without further explanation. Ianto's heart fell from where it had been, several miles above the earth, to hit the floor with a hard thump. He looked after Jack, struck by a sudden sensation of loss. Did he not want Ianto there anymore? Was he bored of him? Fed up of looking after him? Thousands of possibilities streamed through Ianto's mind, none of them good. He looked at Owen, but was offered no comfort there, merely a shrug and a,

"Well, get a move on, we haven't got all night." Feeling distraught, Ianto slipped from his chair and followed Owen to his car, dejected. He resigned himself to a sleepless night away from Jack, wondering what he had done wrong to upset the man just when things had been going so well… He had thought they had been close, and now he had been unceremoniously dumped with Owen. Maybe he didn't mean as much to Jack as he thought he had… Maybe Jack was just humouring him.


	10. Chapter 10

Athor's note: Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry! I have been fighting the good fight against the internet people, and I am losing. I haven't been able to post because I'm not connected yet, but hopefully I will be soon so you wont have to wait epic ammounts of time for the next chappie. Anyway, thanks for your support (and threats :P) they made me keep struggling onwards. Your reviews are like a drug which I can't get enough of. Hope you all enjoy the next chapter, let me know how much you hate me. love n bubbles xxx

Extra note: Sorry about the age thing (and those of you I lied to about him being 11 O_o) I've fixed it now!! love xxx

Ianto shifted again in the big, cold bed Owen had provided him with. He tried to hold back the sniffles which were escaping from him in small bursts, wishing he could have his adult body back so that he didn't cry at _everything_. He pulled the covers tighter round himself, bundling them up to snuggle into the shape which vaguely represented a human form, but it wasn't nearly convincing. Jack was nowhere near this lumpy, and the covers smelt distinctly of Owen. Pouting, Ianto closed his eyes and continued trying to hold back his sobs. Eventually, he heard movement in the room next door and after a few moments, the door to his bedroom swung open, casting a beam of light across his bed. Owen stood there, jeans still on but minus a T-shirt, looking at Ianto with a mix of sympathy and irritation on his face.

"Teababy? What's up? You scared of the dark or something?" He asked with the barest hint of mockery as he crossed the threshold and sat down on the edge of the bed. Ianto rubbed at his eyes furiously, wondering what to say to avoid the ridicule he was sure would follow.

"No… I… Doesn't matter." He mumbled, voice thick from crying. Owen sighed, before reaching out to push his hair back off his forehead and rub comforting circles on his back. Ianto was so taken aback by this that he almost stopped crying.

"Well, obviously it does. I mean, the childish part of you is crying. The adult part of you is trying to stop that. Logically, for you to be crying this much, the adult part of you must be at least a little upset. What's wrong? You don't like what Jack did with the kitchen?" Ianto snorted, but this set off a fresh wave of sobs, and he buried his head in the covers again, groaning in frustration.

"Oh, I'm so pathetic!" He growled.

"You're not pathetic. So, mention of Jack made you worse… He upset you?" Owen mused. "Oh God! I am so Sherlock Holmes. You miss him right?" He smiled before remembering that what he was saying was upsetting, then reformed his face to something along the lines of sympathy. Ianto looked up and nodded weakly.

"I don't understand why he… Why he wanted to get rid of me all of a sudden." He sniffled, still attempting to get his breathing under control, and Owen fought not to say 'awww' as his lip wobbled adorably.

"Get rid of you?" Owen asked, confused. He pulled Ianto up to a sitting position. "He didn't want to get rid of you."

"Then why am I here?" Ianto practically wailed. "Why didn't he let me stay with him?"

"I told him you couldn't." Owen admitted blankly. Suddenly, Ianto found he wasn't crying anymore.

"You what?" He asked, incredulous. "Why?"

"I said it wasn't healthy for an eight year old to be sleeping with an adult, and that you needed your own space." He explained. "I mean, c'mon, it's not really on."

"I was fine." Ianto pouted. "Nothing was going on." He practically growled. "I don't even know why we're having this conversation. I ought to be able to sleep on my own, I've been doing it for nearly 25 years. What's wrong with me?" He groaned again, slamming his face into a pillow for good measure. Owen chuckled a little.

"It's not that you're pathetic. The child part of you has sort of latched onto Jack as a father figure, so now that you're no longer sleeping with him, it's like a toddler's reaction to being ripped away from the parents. He's mollycoddled you so much that you instinctively feel unsafe when he's not within reach. It'll pass."

"Wow… I never knew you were a psychologist…" Ianto mused, feeling himself calm a little.

"S'just common sense." Owen replied. "Now, you go to the bathroom and wash your face, I'll make you warm milk, and we'll see if we can't get you to sleep for a decent amount of time." Ianto nodded, and plodded off to the bathroom. "Remember, you'll see him in less than 12 hours anyway." Owen called after him.

Jack paced back to the kitchenette for around the hundredth time that evening. He couldn't sleep, but that wasn't new, he rarely did anyway unless he was lying with someone. He couldn't focus on anything. He'd tried several times to make a cup of tea, not wanting to use the coffee machine again, but had found that he got bored before the kettle had even boiled, and paced off again angrily for another tour of the Hub. He'd stood on the roof several times, trying to lose himself in the blur of traffic moving and the world continuing around his static form. He'd had several nonsensical conversations with Janet, who had almost looked concerned for him last time when he'd started talking about his childhood. He'd been up to visit Myfanwy twice, but he wasn't about to go up there again in a hurry; she'd chased him down last time because he'd woken her up, and she was still stalking him as though she might eat him. He'd spent time in his office attempting to read emails, and looking at old mementoes. Not even pictures of his past could make him focus, and that _was_ odd indeed. He'd tried to settle down in bed at one point, but that wasn't working either. He was restless.

The problem was that he'd let himself get far to used to Ianto being around. It had almost become a sort of routine. They would have a hot drink, eat their dinner, and curl up together in the small space Jack liked to call a bedroom. Jack wasn't one for routine, but he found he quite liked that one. Now, it was gone, and he couldn't seem to settle himself even for a moment. He understood that Owen was right, Ianto needed space, and he couldn't keep sleeping with Jack, especially since puberty was fast approaching, and Jack didn't want to even think about the challenges that would bring with it. He understood that everything that was happening needed to happen, but that sure as hell wasn't going to stop him from throwing an almighty immortal sulk tantrum. He sighed, pouted, ran his hands through his hair and paced restlessly, waiting for morning. It was almost unhealthy how much he wanted to see Ianto again. The boy had really gotten under his skin. He suspected that Ianto had merely eaten with Owen and was now sleeping soundly with that cute, innocent expression on his face. Thinking about the expression only made Jack want him there even more, though, so he tried to focus on something else. If anything was going to work, he supposed it'd have to be memories of Ianto…

Ianto's first day at work had been memorable. He had turned up, all suits and serious expressions, and walked straight into Suzie Costello. Jack had meant to get her out of the way so that he could greet Ianto himself, maybe check him out and flirt a little, and definitely get him settled and relaxed before he had to meet the rest of the vultures Jack liked to affectionately call his team. No such luck. Suzie was immovable, almost as though she had sensed Ianto's imminent arrival. She was up to the tourist office like a shot, and throwing insults in that sarcastic drawl she liked to use which would almost be sexy if it weren't so annoying.

"Oh, look what the cat dragged in. You almost scrub up well. You know that breaking in is the last straw, I'm going to have to wipe your memory." She snarled, as Jack watched breathless over the CCTV, praying that she wouldn't scare away his pretty, interesting new toy. To his immense surprise, Ianto had merely smiled.

"Please, feel free to do just that." He said simply in that sexy welsh lilt that Jack wanted to bottle for himself. "Then maybe I can forget how terrible your security is, and that the pass-code to get into your building really is 'boobies' in an ancient Arcadian dialect." He had followed this with a small smirk, which had certainly melted Jack's insides, and had seemingly nearly done the same to Suzie. She flapped for a second, then smiled wittily.

"Oooh, it jokes too. I'm impressed, for a crazy you certainly know your alien languages, however, the Captain doesn't wear stalkers well, and he doesn't do visits from strangers without appointments, unless they're stunning blondes."

"Oh, it's a good job I'm not a stalker or a stranger, and I have an appointment then, isn't it. For the record, I also have a blonde wig and a stun gun, so I could be a stunning blonde if that's what you'd like, Miss Costello." Jack could have sworn then that Ianto looked up at the hidden CCTV camera and winked. Was he flirting? But the screen wasn't clear enough for him to be sure, and the camera was invisible… He must have been mistaken.

"Well, well, well." Suzie laughed. " He hired you after all." She pressed the buzzer to open the door. "Go on down, I'm sure he'll meet you." Ianto started down the steps, but was surely in earshot when Suzie continued, "Why don't we just let him hire all the staff with his prick, who needs skills to save the world, as long as you give a good blowjob." There was no reply from Ianto, so Jack merely scowled at the screen. Suzie didn't wear jealousy very well, but she was wrong, he wore stalking like the queen wears her crown. He loved it. Flicking the screen off, he bounded down the stairs to meet his new recruit. Who knew that in only seven months' time, he'd be getting that blowjob Suzie had been talking about…

Seven months later…

Ianto looked up at Jack, unsure. He hadn't been lying when he'd told the Captain previously that he had no experience… and he was ridiculously nervous. Jack looked down at him and grinned, a small chuckle escaping him.

"You ok?" He asked, softly, stroking a hand through Ianto's hair.

"Yeah, I… I'm just trying to work out… Where to start…" Ianto murmured, turning a brilliant shade of red. It was all very well doing the touching thing, that was easy, he'd had practice on his own several times, but this was an all new experience, and he was ashamed to admit that he hadn't done his homework… He had no idea what to do. Jack laughed.

"You know you don't have to do this?" He chuckled. "I'm quite happy to fool around like usual." Ianto pulled a face.

"And chicken out? I want to do this… I just have to work out how… How I'm going to fit it in my mouth to start with." He grinned, and Jack collapsed back onto the bed laughing. Ianto scowled from his position settled between Jack's legs, elbows propping him up either side of Jack's hips. "Don't laugh at me!" He smirked, laughing himself now.

"Sorry." Jack replied, doing his best to sober, and waving a hand in the air. "Just… think what you like and try to do it. I promise you can't do anything wrong… unless you try to bite me, in which case I will be quite cross… See there was this one time when I took this woman to bed, or at least I thought she was a woman. Anyway, turned out she was actually a flesh eater and she wanted to eat me whole in the literal sense…"

"Jack…" Ianto interrupted. "Not helping."

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah. Well, just… go with it." He said airily, enjoying the sensation of Ianto merely breathing on his erection.

"Fat lot of help you are!" Ianto chuckled, then decided it was now or never. Clearing his mind, he thought what he liked best, which turned out to be hot chocolate… But that wasn't helping either, so he threw himself in at the deep end by wrapping his hand around the base of Jack's cock and stroking him slowly. Jack mumbled something by way of encouragement, but he didn't hear because he was focusing so had on the fact that he was about to give another man a blowjob. Well, he supposed it would be difficult to give a woman a blowjob, but that was going off track again. Shaking himself, he dipped his head, poked out his tongue, and gently traced the underside of Jack's erection. Jack hissed above him, and he took that as a good sign, repeating the action a few times, before his frayed nerves calmed a little. As he felt himself relax, he decided to be a bit bolder, and moved his hand to lick a line all the way from base to tip, earning him a strangled sort of groan, and a hand in his hair. Grinning, he decided he wasn't so bad at this after all.

"I can tell you're going to challenge my will to resist." Jack mumbled from above him, and he merely smiled in reply before opening his mouth wide enough to envelop a small amount of flesh. "Fuck!" Jack gasped, his hand gripping compulsively at Ianto's hair. "Maybe I'll just shut up and let you.. Ah!" He groaned as Ianto tried sucking experimentally.

"Yes, you just shut up." Ianto replied, pulling back for air, before moving his head to take even more of Jack into his mouth. Jack sighed and twitched above him as he tried different things, and occasionally he gasped or moaned, and offered advice such as, 'if you keep doing that I'm going to come very suddenly' and 'mmmmhh that's nice' and 'Oh _God_ Ianto that's good'. Finally, Ianto picked his head up to look Jack in the eye.

"You're stopping?" Jack asked in a voice that was entirely too high pitched for him.

"Momentarily, yes." Ianto nodded. "I was just going to let you know that I've finished playing now and I'm going to do it properly." He smiled.

"Ok…" Jack grinned. "Do your worst."

"Oh, I will." Ianto returned the grin, but Jack forgot all about it as he dropped his head and nearly did swallow him whole. He gasped and writhed as Ianto applied just the right amount of pressure with his tongue, struck just the right rhythm of movement with his head, and moved his hand up to gently massage Jack's balls.

"God Ianto! Yessss!" He hissed, one hand playing with Ianto's hair as gently as he could manage, the other twisting itself in the sheets. He felt Ianto smile around him as he pulled back to tease with his tongue, and that made him groan again. "Ianto, you have to stop, I'm gonna come…Like… Now!" Jack gasped, desperate for release, but also intent on not giving Ianto a throat-full of come. It seemed Ianto didn't have such worries, though, as he merely brought his hand up to give Jack an extra squeeze, and sucked a little harder. Unable to hold back, Jack came with a shout and moan, and Ianto stilled his hips with a gentle hand, calmly lapping up the mess before crawling up Jack's spent body to nuzzle into his neck.

"Was it Ok?" He asked, face still buried in Jack's clavicle, pressing small kisses to his throat.

"Ok?" Jack gasped, voice hoarse from shouting. "It was awesome." He grinned tilting Ianto's head up to kiss him. "You can give me a repeat performance anytime." He winked, and Ianto laughed and blushed prettily. And that was when the rift alarm went and they had to go and get the device… Which was now ruining Jack's ego.

Back in the present, Jack wasn't sure at what point in his reminiscence he had ended up back in his quarters and touching himself. To be honest, he didn't care, because it gave him something to do other than to think about how _lonely_ he felt.

Dawn came, and Jack found himself back on the roof. As the sun rose, he watched the city wake and smiled. Ianto would be here soon. Well, relatively soon if Owen had anything to do with it. He wondered how things would be now that Ianto was living with Owen. He kind of hoped that the two would bond a little and maybe the bickering would settle down. He hoped Ianto wasn't too comfortable, though. He hadn't looked too fazed last night when Jack had watched him leave… Maybe he had been imagining the insane closeness they had developed over the past few days. Maybe Ianto wasn't really that fond of him. He didn't have time to think about it, anyway, Myfanwy was squawking to be fed, and the computers had already started bleeping at him.

Gwen bumbled into the Hub, grinning like a loon. It was sunny outside, she was wearing a dress, and she had an amazing boyfriend who loved her and had woken her up that morning with a lovely cup of tea in bed and several rounds of toast. Everything was good. She stooped to pick up the post as she passed it, but noticed that there were several packages of varying size and shape which she wouldn't be able to carry downstairs. They were all addressed to Jack… Creating several scenarios in her head, and picking up the letters, she left the parcels on the floor and skipped her way into Jack's office. He was leaning back in his chair, sipping a cup of tea, and eyeing her with an eyebrow raised and a suggestive smirk.

"Morning Gwen." He mumbled. "Nice dress… Makes your legs look hot." She smiled at him and blushed a little.

"Is it your birthday?" She asked, pouting slightly at the thought that he hadn't even told her. He looked confused.

"Er… No… Why?"

"Because there are loads of packages for you in the tourist office… Like twenty or something. I guessed it was your birthday and they were presents…" She grinned, excited at the prospect of twenty lots of bubble wrap.

"Oh. Well, I don't have a birthday, but if I did, it would be in the winter." Jack mused. "Still, I'm not one to turn down gifts!" He leapt to his feet, depositing the tea on his desk. "Let's go see if there's any bubble wrap!" Gwen squeaked with delight and lunged forward, hitting his shoulder.

"TAG! You're it!" She yelled, before racing off towards the tourist office.

"Oh no you don't!" He thundered back before launching himself after her, grinning. She just managed to get up the stairs before he lunged at her, missing by a mile and rugby tackling the railings of the walkway. Laughing her victory, she raced up the stairs whilst he was still righting himself, and skid to a halt, panting, to wait for him to reach the office. When he did, he was laughing too, and rubbing his head. "I'm gonna have a bruise there…" He grumbled. "Whoa…. Not exaggerating then… Lot's of presents." He grinned like a small child. "Maybe I have a secret admirer?"

"Jack, I think you have several secret admirers. Still, we wont know 'til you open them! Here! Start with this one! It's pink!" She handed him a long thin box, and he considered it suspiciously.

"What if it's a parcel bomb?" He mused. "Gwen, hide behind the desk just in case." Laughing, she obeyed, and when she was safely sheltering in Ianto's swivel chair, he untied the big purple bow and lifted the lid of the box.

"What is it? What is it?" She asked in response to the perplexed look on his face.

"It's… A bunch of roses… Red ones." He said, plucking the bouquet from the box with a flourish. "Who buys a man flowers? And I'm definitely more of an orchid kinda guy." Gwen snatched the roses and took a big sniff, before emitting a small noise of glee.

"There's a card!" She squealed.

"Oh?" Jack looked genuinely interested now. "What does it say?" He asked, picking up the next package.

"It saaaays…." There was a small ripping sound from Gwen's direction as she opened the envelope. "It says, 'Dearest, Your eyes are so unfathomably deep, like the never-ending beauty of your soul. Forever yours, O…' Who's O?"

"Umm… I have no idea." Jack said, ripping off the wrapping of his next parcel. "Can you think of anyone who's name begins with an O?" He almost dropped the package as he discovered what was inside.

"Nope… What's that one?" She leaned forward inquisitively.

"You don't wanna know." He replied solemnly, replacing the wrapping and moving to discard the object.

"Oh, c'mon Jack. What is it?" She smirked, poking him.

"Look." He said, showing her. "It's a thong with a picture of my face on… Oh, and there's a note saying, 'I'd love to see you in this, O.'… O is weird." Gwen nodded sagely.

"And the flowers were so romantic too…" She mused. "Oh well, next gift." She picked up a gold parcel.

"You open that one, I'll open this big one. May as well make this a team effort, since it'd take me all day by myself." Jack grinned. "And we haven't even had any bubble wrap yet." He began to remove the tape holding the biggest box closed. Gwen ripped off the brown paper of her gift and cooed.

"Chocolates." She purred. "Expensive chocolates." Jack looked at the box and nodded.

"They're nice, we'll have them with coffee later. Ooh… I've got an ornamental drinks fountain… That's kinda cool…" He stepped back to allow Gwen to examine the box and declare that it was, indeed, cool. "Well, get opening, Miss Cooper, we haven't got all day."

"Sir, yes Sir." She giggled, before picking up another package. Five minutes later, when they had opened all but four of the presents, they had uncovered several varieties of chocolates, a cashmere sweater the colour, supposedly, of Jack's beautiful eyes, more flowers, two pairs of cufflinks, an expensive pen, and, most bizarrely, a leather fetish outfit in a size too small for Jack to even contemplate, Gwen paused in her unwrapping to let out a squeal of childish glee.

"What? What is it? Is it a furbie? A kitten? A balloon?" Jack asked, almost excited.

"I found bubble wrap!" She declared, holding the object high. Jack looked at her, a bizarre expression on his face.

"Gwen, is that what I think it is inside of the bubble wrap?" He questioned with a frown.

"Er… Dunno, what do you think it is? It looks like some kind of ornament…"

"I think it's more likely to be a sex toy…"

"Really?" She chuckled. "Well, Only one way to find out…" She ripped the tape off the bubble wrap, and unrolled it to reveal what was, indeed, a pink sparkly vibrator, and a note saying, 'Use this and think of me, O'. The two of them looked at the offending item, disgusted.

"Seriously?" Jack asked, running a hand through his hair. "O has issues."

"Yeaah…" Gwen confirmed, putting the present on the table. "Wonder who O is…"

"Who knows." Jack sighed, opening another present, a pair of slippers with 'J&O' embroidered on them. "But whoever it is, I think they have too much time and too little sense…" He laughed as Gwen held up her latest find, a bath robe to match the slippers. "Well, Only one present left…" He smirked. "You wanna do the honours?"

"No, you open it." Gwen smiled. "Might be another gross one."

"Hmm… Hope not." Jack mused. Still, he ripped of the wrapper and flinched. "Dear God!" He groaned. "It's a bondage kit… An expensive, leather bondage kit…." Gwen snickered annoyingly, and Jack covered his face with his hands. "Guess I'd better read the note…" He picked up the envelope and ripped it open.

"What does it say?" Gwen asked, eyes like saucers as she saw the terrified look on Jack's face.

"Ngh!" Jack squeaked, handing her the letter and looking distraught. Gwen took it and braced herself. In fact, it wasn't so bad as the others, just said, 'Hope you like this and all the other presents, Owen.'

"HOLD ON!" She yelled, re-reading… Yes, it did in fact say 'Owen' at the end. "No way! No fucking way!" She gasped, voice fairly high pitched.

"I think," Jack began, only to be interrupted.

"That sick, sick bastard!" Gwen growled. "I knew there was something off about him."

"Gwen…" Jack interrupted. "You don't seriously think that it was Owen who sent these?" He asked, incredulous of her stupidity.

"Of course, he signed the note, didn't he."

"The notes are all typed, Gwen."

"It's his _name_ on the end, isn't it?"

"Sure… But…" Suddenly, Jack had a bitch of an idea. Fun was to be had by all parties if he just pretended that he didn't suspect that this was a prank with Ianto's name all over it. "Well, I never thought he felt that way."

"Jack, everyone feels that way about you." Gwen smiled knowingly. "You'll have to confront him…"

"NO!" Jack gasped in mock protest. "I couldn't embarrass him like that. I'll have to be careful not to crush his feelings. I'll talk to him in private later… Who knows, there might be something there for the both of us…" He smiled sheepishly at Gwen, who was looking at him in much the same way that she had looked at the giant slug they had encountered last month.

"Seriously?" She asked, as though the very idea were absurd.

"Seriously." Jack nodded, trying his hardest not to laugh at her gullibility. "We'd best clear this up so that he doesn't know that you know…" Gwen nodded, and they set about clearing up the office and hiding the evidence.

Tosh woke with a very bad crick in her neck. It was, she supposed, the price she had to pay for sleeping curled up, half on top of Owen. She had snuck into the house late last night and they had had perfect amazing and completely silent sex. Then she had fallen asleep in what she now considered to be the worst position possible. She turned her attention to why she had woken. Owen was snoring loudly enough to get an echo. Scrunching her face up, she wriggled free of his embrace and found her phone from her pocket. It was 7:30, she had no interest in going back to sleep. Instead, she crept into the en-suite and switched the shower to burning hot, rejoicing in the feeling of the searing water washing away the ache in her shoulders.

Ianto woke up for about the millionth time, and immediately looked at the clock, again. It was 7:30, which meant he could plausibly think about getting up without looking like an idiot. That was when he realised that Owen was doing a fair impression of a fog horn in the next room. It didn't look like they'd be going to work any time soon. Sighing, he plopped out of the bed and into the expensive carpet before padding towards the kitchen blearily. When he got there, he did several double takes. Tosh was standing in front of the hob making what looked to be pancakes and humming to herself in a self-satisfied sort of way. Ianto grinned and slid up onto a stool at the breakfast bar, catching her attention, and she smiled at him and slid him a plate with two pancakes on.

"Morning, Ianto." She trilled, "Did you sleep well?"

"Umm…" Ianto mumbled sheepishly. "Not really, no."

"Well, you'll get used to it… Want some breakfast juice?" She asked, padding over to the fridge and pondering the several cartons of juice on the shelf.

"Yes please. Are you ok Tosh?" He watched her carry the juice stiffly back to the counter. "It's just that you're holding yourself funny."

"Mmmmhh." She nodded, mouth full of pancake. "Slept funny."

"Oh, I see… You should tell Jack, he gives really good massages." Ianto grinned, and Tosh looked at him searchingly.

"Are you mad? He'd only end up groping me or something. I'll make Owen do it. After all, it was his arm that gave me a stiff neck." She pouted adorably and rubbed her neck, and Ianto chuckled, then decided his pancakes were going to go soggy, and began to eat them in earnest. "Anyway, since Sir Snore-a-lot is going to be out of it for at least another two hours, I thought I'd bring you into the Hub with me and save you the mind-numbing effects of his surround sound television set-up. If you want to get dressed once you've eaten, we can be there by 8:30 I should imagine…" Ianto nodded, still stuffing his face with pancake, which was decidedly delicious.

Once showered and dressed, Ianto bounded through the flat, down the stairs and into Tosh's waiting car. They grinned at each other as he buckled up, and she started the engine before pulling off carefully. Ianto realised at that moment why it was that Tosh didn't drive the SUV- she drove slower than his grandmother. He settled into his seat for the long (usually only ten minute) drive to the Hub and watched the city go by.

Gwen watched Ianto and Tosh come in on the CCTV, but it barely registered. Her mind was swimming with the fact that Owen had sent all of those 'gifts', and that Jack was even considering his obvious proposition. It just didn't bear thinking about, but it was the only thing she _could_ think about. She was supposed to be checking the hospital records for the night to weed out any possible weevil attacks to be retconned. She wasn't having much luck, considering she hadn't even opened the program yet. She smiled weakly and made a noise of agreement to Tosh's hello and waved back at Ianto, who was adorable in a baby blue long-sleeved top and black combats, then she went back to staring into space and contemplating the trauma of it all. Working for Torchwood was hard sometimes.

As Ianto followed Tosh through the door of the tourist office, he was struck by a sudden fear. What if Jack hadn't missed him at all? What if he was just being an idiot? And why were there scraps of wrapping paper and bubble wrap all over the place? Oh… The parcels he ordered on the internet so long ago must have arrived… That didn't bode well for his health if Owen found out. The anxiety made him unable even to form the word 'hello' for Gwen, and he waved instead. This, however, didn't seem to be a problem, as Gwen looked to be more occupied with pulling a face like she was severely constipated and staring into space. He felt his heart hammering as he pushed open the kitchenette door, and was almost ludicrously relieved to find that it was empty. As his adrenaline built, he set about making a coffee. He would gauge Jack's mood from the reception of his morning drink, and would adjust his own actions accordingly. He wasn't about to give Jack the satisfaction of looking like a clingy four-year-old. Especially not when he was now verging on eleven! Shaking as little as possible, he loaded four hot drinks onto a tray and set about delivering them.

Jack watched Ianto arrive with Tosh, and all of a sudden, didn't feel so good about the boy returning. He didn't look fazed by his night away from Jack. What if he was making a mountain out of a mole hill? What if Ianto really wasn't fussed? What if he really wanted to get away from Jack and this was his excuse? Jack Harkness rarely felt anxious about anything, but he couldn't help but fidget and fiddle with the things on his desk as he watched Ianto make the coffee and put it on his tray. He decided that he would gauge Ianto's mood when he delivered the morning drinks, and adjust his actions accordingly. There was no way he was going to let Ianto think he was some possessive, lovesick cretin. Unaware he was holding his breath, he watched as Ianto offloaded Gwen's drink onto her desk… His turn next. He waited as Ianto climbed the stairs, knocked more from habit than actual necessity, and pushed open the door. At the last minute, he realised that he looked like he was waiting for Ianto, and that wouldn't do, so he flipped open a file and pretended to read, hoping that Ianto wouldn't notice that it was upside down.

"Morning, Sir." Ianto drawled in his unbroken voice. "Latte for you." Jack looked up. Ianto looked the epitome of calm. He even offered a small smile as he placed the drink down on the table. Clearing his throat, Jack quashed the surge of burning rejection he felt and took the cup.

"Thanks Ianto. Good night?" He enquired, eyebrow raised in what he hoped was a relaxed look of enquiry (and turned out to be very convincing). Ianto frowned, then smiled sweetly.

"Once I learned to drown out Owen's snoring, yes, Sir, it was." Nodding, Jack took a big swig of coffee, and nearly dropped to his knees and begged Ianto to come back. Damn, that boy had some talent. Ianto offered him one last smile before turning to go, and closing the door behind him. As the door clicked closed, Jack's heart sank. His Ianto was all grown up, and he didn't need Jack anymore. It hurt more than it should have, but he wasn't going to let it beat him.

Ianto let the door click shut behind him, and allowed the weight of his deflation settle upon him. Jack had barely even looked at him, it was obvious that he was happy to be free of looking after Ianto. Sighing, he replaced his tray, picked up a bin bag, and began to sort out the mess that was the Hub.

Tosh sat at her desk, switched on her computer and waited for it to load. She had an odd sensation in her lower gut, bordering on painful. It was almost like period pains, but not… Suddenly, she sat bolt upright, gripping the table, hard. Period pains? She was due to start her period yesterday! She was never a second late, and she had been sleeping with Owen for days now… Admittedly they had used condoms, but that didn't change anything. She realised with a jolt that she must be pregnant. Feeling suddenly sick, which wasn't helping to diffuse her theory, she dashed to the toilets in shock.

Owen woke slowly, and wondered why Tosh was gone. Then he found the note and read it bleary-eyed, and managed to understand that she had gone to work and taken Ianto with her. He gazed at the clock groggily, and somehow managed to discern that it was some time after ten. Groaning his disapproval at being awake at such an hour, he stumbled into his bathroom and began the process of becoming awake. When he eventually stumbled into the Hub at around 11:10, it seemed to be deserted. A strange scrabbling noise from behind the water tower took him by surprise, and he was about to draw his gun when he saw an even more gangly-looking Ianto push himself upright and into view. The kid smiled at him sheepishly.

"Forgot the time." He shrugged, "Want coffee?" Owen grunted his approval of this notion and bumbled over to his desk, throwing himself into the chair, and noticing that Gwen was now in the room, bright red, and looking at him very oddly.

"'Mornin' Gwen." He muttered, and she squeaked, mumbled something about paperwork, and dashed out of the room. Considering this slightly odd, but not too unusual for Gwen, Owen turned his attention to finding Tosh. She was nowhere to be seen. "You seen Tosh?" He asked as Ianto handed him an espresso.

"Not for a while. She scurried off in the general direction of the labs earlier though." Ianto offered. "Are you done with the toxicity report on the chemical weaponry I gave you? I'd like to file it."

"Er…" Owen blinked, wondering if he even knew any of those words. "S'pose so, It's on my desk somewhere." Ianto smirked and rummaged 'til he found the file he was looking for, then disappeared, leaving Owen to contemplate the difficult choice of whether to attempt work, or go distract Tosh. Unfortunately, he never got the chance to decide, as Jack entered the room, a small smile on his face, and winked lecherously.

"Morning Golden Boy. Sleep well?" He purred, coming to rest on Owen's desk.

"Wish I still were sleeping." Owen grumbled, aware that Gwen had slipped back into the room and was staring at him intently.

"Thought you and I might chat in private later, I know there are some… issues… you want to raise with me." Jack continued, grinning dirtily and adding a wink for good measure. Owen smirked despite himself, and wondered how Jack knew he was going to ask him for some time off with Tosh.

"Sounds good to me. You just let me know when and where, after all, you're the boss." At this, Gwen squeaked and ran out of the room, earning her a puzzled glance from both Jack and Owen, and Jack chuckled to himself.

"She's an oddball eh?" He mused, pushing himself up from the desk. "Wonder what's got her knickers in a twist this time…" He winked once more, then propelled himself up to his office, leaving Owen confused, and more than a little concerned. He decided to ignore the fact that Gwen was obviously in love with him, and went in search of Tosh.

Ianto sighed as he threw the last of the black bags in the incinerator. He now had nothing to do to distract him from the fact that Jack was everywhere he went and wasn't interested in him. He'd even seen and overheard Jack flirting with Owen all day. On the plus side, so far Owen hadn't killed Ianto because of the 'presents'. Suddenly and violently, the notion hit Ianto that Jack might be flirting with Owen because he thought the presents really were from him. So that was why Jack was ignoring him, he thought he had a chance of getting into Owen's pants, so Ianto was no longer important. As he shuffled back into the main Hub, he looked up to Jack's office. Jack was standing in the window surveying the team as usual, and he caught Ianto's eye and nodded politely before his gaze moved to settle on Owen. Deciding he wasn't quite ready to accept that, Ianto turned tail and fled to the archives.

Jack stood and surveyed his team with interest. Gwen now seemed to be so disturbed that she had started twitching on occasion when Owen went near her. Owen kept going in and out of the room looking increasingly puzzled, and was now at Tosh's desk looking at the CCTV for the firing range. Tosh was nowhere to be seen, and had been gone for some time. Jack assumed she was in the lab playing with her toys. A movement in his peripheral vision alerted him to Ianto's entrance and he offered the boy a small nod, before his attention was drawn back to Owen, who punched the air in triumph then set off towards the laboratory. When he looked back to Ianto, all he saw was the door to the archives closing behind him. Concerned that Ianto had left so quickly, and bored out of his mind without the usual banter they shared, he left his office and quietly followed into the archives.

Ianto went straight to his favourite section. The big fat pile of yet-to-be-sorted junk. It always took his mind off things to come and tinker with all of these alien artefacts until he could classify them. Settling himself in the battered leather armchair he had had installed for comfort, he grabbed a spherical blue thingy and began to examine it intensely. Unfortunately, the blue merely reminded him of the colour of Jack's favourite shirt, so he tossed it into the pile and folded his arms, huffing slightly. He was interrupted in his mini strop by quiet laughter from the shadows. Jack stepped forward, a smile on his face, and picked up the orb, studying it briefly.

"It's a nightlight." He said simply, before twisting it in two, causing it to illuminate the room in a soft blue glow. "I had one when I was… your age actually." He grinned. Ianto couldn't help the small smile and the sarcastic remark, it was just too natural…

"You know, not many people would admit to being scared of the dark aged twenty five." He smirked. Jack screwed his face up.

"Very funny. I meant when I was ten." He settled himself on the armrest of the chair and looked down at Ianto, and odd expression on his face. "Why are we doing this?" He asked softly, letting his hand fall to ruffle Ianto's hair.

"Doing what?" Ianto asked, looking up at him.

"This…" Jack said, gesturing between them. "Pretending not to care." He looked into the distance for a moment then back to Ianto. "I didn't sleep last night…"

"You never sleep, Jack." Ianto smiled weakly, then dropped his attempt at humour. "Nor did I."

"I know that you can't stay with me, but… Maybe if I set up a room or something, you could at least stay at the Hub?" Jack tried, looking a little nervous.

"It would certainly be preferable to Owen's snoring…" Ianto grinned. "But will you make me pancakes as good as Tosh's?" Jack laughed at him.

"For you, baby, I'd order pancakes in from Australia every morning."

"You know, I'm not sure if they make very good pancakes there…"

"It's the principle, Ianto…" Jack frowned at him.

"Yeah… I know." Ianto grinned, pushing himself up to wrap his arms round Jack's middle and snuggle into his chest.

"So… Hot chocolate at six then?" Jack asked, lifting Ianto to squeeze him gently before setting him on the floor.

"It's a date." Ianto grinned.

"Now, now, less of that." Jack laughed. "Don't want me getting even more discredited as a sexual deviant."

"No, we wouldn't, would we." Ianto nodded with a smile. "Back to work?"

"Back to work." Jack agreed, taking Ianto's hand and walking up the stairs to the main Hub with him. "And if you get the time, I could murder a cappuccino."

"I'll just go see what everyone else wants." Ianto replied, giving Jack' hand one last squeeze before he wandered off towards the labs in search of Owen and Tosh. What Ianto found was a little more unexpected. Tosh and Owen seemed to be in the middle of a very serious conversation. He couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"I know that's what you're trying to do…" Owen was saying, eves on the floor as he sat beside Tosh on the lab table.

"Owen, I'm not trying to break up with you…" Tosh replied softly, taking Owen's hand. "It's just… difficult to say this, I feel so stupid."

"How could I ever think you were stupid?" Owen asked, incredulous.

"Well, Okay… I suppose I'll just come out with it…" Tosh lifted her gaze to meet his anxiously. "I think I'm pregnant." She whispered, voice shaking.

"What?!" Owen gasped, gripping her hands.

"Well, I was supposed to start my period, but I haven't. I'm never late, Owen, and then I threw up twice this morning and I feel like I have period pains but I don't."

"Fuck…" Owen breathed. "I mean, I guess… Well… It's unexpected but…. Y'know… Whatever you do… I'll… Y'know…" He mumbled, looking at the floor again, and Ianto noticed that Tosh had tears in her eyes, and that's when he spoke up. Stepping into the room, he cleared his throat.

"Sorry…" He began awkwardly. "Couldn't help overhearing you… Er… Tosh, I don't know how to say this, but, well, you aren't due to start your period until next week…" Both Tosh and Owen stared at him open-mouthed, until Tosh found the words.

"How?" Ianto just shrugged.

"It's my job to know everything. Why do you think you automatically get camomile tea three days before? And paracetamol on your desk in the morning during… And there's always chocolate in the fridge… Of course, it doesn't mean you aren't pregnant, but you still aren't due for a while…" Ianto felt his face burning as he bumbled his way through the speech. Tosh's smile grew as he listed all the thing he did for her and Gwen once a month.

"I never thought about it… But you really do look after us eh?" Tosh smiled, leapt off the table, and bent down to kiss Ianto on the forehead. "Thank you Ianto." She turned around and held her hand out to Owen. "Probably a false alarm then." Owen who still looked like 5000 volts had just been passed through him, stumbled to his feet and allowed himself to be led towards the main Hub. Ianto walked after them, deciding Owen needed a strong brandy from Jack's office, and Tosh needed green tea. Gwen, as usual, would have a latte. Smiling to himself, he popped into the kitchenette and began making the drinks.

Gwen tried again to focus on her work. It was very difficult, though, when she was suspicious that Jack and Owen were at that very moment having sex in Jack's office. They had been in there for twenty minutes already, and she was sure Owen was drunk. Ianto came over with a cup of tea, and she stopped him before he left.

"Ianto…" She wheedled. "What's Owen doing in Jack's office?" Ianto turned and frowned at her, tilting his head to the side.

"I think he's asking for some time off for him and Tosh… He wants to take her on a surprise romantic holiday…" Gwen's eyes widened.

"But he was coming onto Jack earlier…" She mused. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but this morning loads of parcels arrived for Jack, and they were from Owen, and there were all sorts of things like chocolate and flowers… And he sent love notes… And, what's worse… Sex toys…" Gwen expected shock. She expect revulsion. She even expected anger. What she didn't expect was hysterical laughter. "Ianto! It isn't funny. Jack was seriously considering the proposition. I think they're having sex." At this, Ianto physically collapsed to the floor, holding his stomach and laughing uncontrollably. After a few seconds, he managed to control himself, and in between giggles, asked,

"Gwen, do you seriously believe that Jack would do that? Also, that Owen would spend that much money on anyone? Or that he would send someone love notes?" Gwen looked very confused, so he continued. "_I_ sent those notes. It was me. I used Owen's credit card number. It's a prank. And Jack is playing on your gullibility." Ianto laughed again. "Is that why you've been so funny all day? Oh, Gwen. Drink your tea, and give Jack a punch when you see him." He turned to go, still laughing and mumbling to himself, "Think they're having sex… God, one of these days I'm going to die of laughter…"

Gwen was left confused and feeling abused. Not much different to a regular day at work, then. Shrugging, she mused that it was one less thing to worry about, and went back to the hospital records. In time, she discovered the funny side of things, and by the time Owen and Jack finished their meeting at 4:30, Gwen was printing off a list of possible weevil victims, and laughing inanely. Owen glanced at her, noted the look she was giving him, and inwardly certified her insane.

"Right, Jack, I'll be off. Call me if you need me." He said cheerily, stepping through the iron cage towards the tourist office.

"Oh, Owen, Jack wants to thank you for your gifts." Gwen giggled. Jack paled and immediately padlocked the cage so that Owen was locked the other side, then checked that Ianto was as far away as possible. Owen looked confused.

"What gifts?"

"Oh, you know, the chocolates, flowers and sex toys that you paid for on your card…" Gwen smirked. "They were really thoughtful." Jack looked strained. Owen's face went through several shades of red, and settled on a purple colour.

"TEABOY!" He roared, lunging at the metal cage. "Let me out of here Harkness! I want to kill him."

"Ummm… No." Jack offered. "Go home… Cool off… Threaten his life tomorrow. I've already reimbursed you for the stuff." Owen growled one last growl, and turned on his heel, stomping up the stairs. Jack turned and frowned at the room. "Right, Gwen, go retcon the weevil victims then go straight home. Tosh, go calm Owen down, and have a good night. Ianto… With me." He grinned. Ianto nodded and followed Jack to the kitchenette, settling back into his nightly routine of making cocoa, and grinning smugly whenever Jack's back was turned.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note: I'm sorry, it seems to be taking me forever to write these days. This is the problem with university and friends and work and christmas and ridiculous ammounts of family lol. Well, here's a new installment of the fic, I'm sorry it took so long, but hopefully it's better than the last. I'd like to thank DayDreamerNiteWriter, who, as always, is my personal Ianto and beta and just general wonder. Also, thank you to all of you. Your reviews are stunning, and your concrit is extremely welcome, I'm glad to be writing a story which everyone seems to enjoy so much. If there's anything anyone wants to see, or any way you think I can improve, please do let me know (I'm not easily insulted, honest) and I'll try to incorporate it. Anyway, enough of the essay, please r&r, your reviews are my oxygen. love and bubbles xxxx enjoy...

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By the time Ianto got to bed, it was already 1:30 am. He and Jack had been playing monopoly, and Jack had an odd way of being able to roll the dice so that he never once landed on Ianto's hotels on Mayfair and Park Lane. Ianto, however, seemed to be paying out practically every roll. He was certain that Jack was cheating, but he couldn't prove it, so he just played the gracious loser for the three hours it took them to complete the game. Jack, however, was extremely pleased with himself, until Ianto pointed out that he had, in fact, only just beaten a ten year old boy. That wiped the smile off his face, but only for a moment before he was scooping a now fairly heavy Ianto up and hugging him tight.

"Missed you." He mumbled, before setting him back down. "How 'bout I let you win next time?" Ianto smirked and offered him a raised eyebrow.

"How do you plan to do that? By not cheating?" He grinned.

"How dare you!" Jack gasped in mock offence. "I have never cheated at any board games we have ever played!"

"How about that time when we were playing snakes and ladders and you insisted on going up the snakes as well as the ladders?" Ianto asked, and Jack looked for a moment like he'd been caught out, before grinning devilishly.

"S'not my fault if you don't properly explain the rules of your boring 21st century games." He grinned. Ianto just laughed.

"Fair enough, I'll make sure to do it better next time we play." He began putting all the pieces back in the box, and Jack bent down to give him a hand.

"So… I've set you up a bedroom in the lower levels… You should probably get some sleep. Want hot chocolate before bed?" Ianto nodded.

"Yes, but I'll make it. Don't want you to have to replace the kitchenette again, do we?" He smirked and handed Jack the game to put away, before meandering off to make the drinks. "I'm assuming you want one too?"

"When do I ever not want one of your amazing hot beverages?"

"Point taken…"

Now, Ianto was curled up in the bedroom Jack had put together for him in one of the old store rooms. He'd even gone so far as to decorate it. The walls were still the same horrible stone grey, but there was a light-shade on the bulb in the ceiling, and a carpet of sorts on the floor. The bed was constructed of some storage boxes with a mattress on top, but it had nice, clean, blue cotton bedclothes, and a bedside table with a lamp on it. The room was warm, which was odd for the lower levels, and the bed was cosy and smelt like Jack. Ianto burrowed into it, forming a warm cocoon around himself, and drifted off to sleep.

Tosh wriggled around again to get comfortable, and Owen grunted his disapproval from beside her. She glanced at the clock, it was 6 am. There was no point fighting the queasiness and going back to sleep again, she'd only be up in an hour. Having already thrown up three times since 2 am, she wasn't really game for round four yet, so she padded into the kitchen and made herself a soothing cup of camomile tea, before settling at her desk to check out the readings from a system scan she had been running of the Hub's security systems. All was well, but she was still going to work on an extra layer of defence… just as soon as she stopped feeling so… nauseous all the time, (damn this stomach bug) and once they'd sorted this Ianto thing out.

Thinking of Ianto made her think of the device, and she wondered if her work computer, which had been meticulously reading every document in existence for her, had come up with any possible links to tell her a species, planet or even galaxy for the contraption. She would have to wait until she got into the Hub to check that, but she hoped she'd have a lead waiting for her. Not that Jack seemed so anxious to change Ianto back anymore, he seemed to be enjoying the whole experience. Sighing, she headed for the shower in the hope that the hot water would wash away her sickness.

Gwen smiled as she heard Rhys singing Tom Jones in the shower. He was just adorable sometimes. Feeling oddly elated, she decided to be lovely and make him breakfast, so she raided the fridge for bacon and set the hob to heat some oil. Bacon sandwich was Rhys' favourite, and he couldn't possibly be in a bad mood after his favourite breakfast. He'd been a bit of a grump lately, and she supposed it was because she was neglecting him, so she vowed to make him happy today by coming home early and cooking him a nice surprise dinner. She popped the bacon in the frying pan, hoping that the smell of it cooking would lure her hungry boyfriend out of the bathroom. It worked. By the time she had constructed the sandwich, he was sniffing around her, clad only in a towel, and inquiring as to the occasion.

"Do I need a reason to cook you breakfast?" She asked, with a smirk, and kissed him lightly on the lips. "S'got brown sauce in and all. Must be your lucky day!" She set the plate on the breakfast bar and he sat himself in front of it, reaching out to take the orange juice which she had just poured him.

"Mmmh. Thanks love!" He mumbled through a mouthful of food, and she laughed at him before fixing her own breakfast and settling at the bar beside him.

"Keep tonight free eh?" She asked with a mysterious grin.

"Why? What'choo planning?" He asked, mouth still full of sandwich.

"Not telling, just keep the night free. And be home ten minutes late." She winked, gulping down his juice and kissing him before he could protest to his new lack of drink. "Gotta go, work and all. Have a good day love." She called, grabbing her keys and blowing him a kiss as she headed for the door. He pretended to catch it, and she giggled before rushing out.

Jack glanced at the clock again, and wondered whether or not 7:30 was too early to wake Ianto. Admittedly, if he were in his usual state, he'd have been in work for at least an hour already, but he wasn't in his usual state, and they had finished monopoly very late last night… It wasn't so much that he needed to see Ianto, he had some small amount of patience for that, but rather that he _seriously_ needed a coffee. To the point that he was getting the shakes. Just as he was about to give in and wake the child up, the cog door rolled open and Tosh wandered in. She looked fairly awful, but at least she was carrying Starbucks, and there were two cups on the tray. Jack approached her carefully and offered a simple,

"Hello." He smiled as she looked at him blearily.

"Been up since 6." She stated. "Traffic was shit. Got coffee… Feel like hell." She passed the tray to him and collapsed in her computer chair, groaning and clutching her stomach. Jack stifled a laugh. Tosh never swore, so hearing her do so was quite entertaining. He was, however, overcome with concern when instead of turning on her monitors and getting down to it, Tosh merely flopped onto the desk, letting her head rest there, and sighed.

"Tosh… You ok?" He asked gently, placing the coffee down next to her. He reached out to brush the hair out of her eyes. She was hot to the touch and her face was flushed.

"Apart from the fact that I got 4 hours sleep tops, and my insides feel like someone's been at them with a blender, yeah, I'm absolutely wonderful thanks." She practically growled. Jack decided that immediate action was required. Tosh. Was. Never. Ill. NEVER! So this was a major issue. He grabbed his phone and quick dialled Owen.

"Owen!" He said as the medic picked up, not giving him a chance to speak. "Get here. Now. Tosh is sick. Fix her." With that, he hung up, and went back to frowning at Tosh uncertainly. Mostly he was uncertain as to whether it would be ok to drink the coffee she had bought anyway, even though she was obviously in pain.

"Go ahead." She sighed, as though reading his mind. "Yours is the big one."

"Thanks." Grinning, and biting back a lewd comment for her sake, he took an experimental sip. "Oooh. They're doing the Christmas blends already?" He asked. "S'not even December yet!"

"Tell me about it." She grumbled. "I want to kill Christmas and everything associated with it." She banged her head against the desk and forced herself to sit up, turning on the monitor. "Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that my symptoms are very much like morning sickness?" She queried softly. "And why do I have a serious craving for Rees' Peanut Butter Cups?" Jack smirked.

"C'mon, just 'cos you're throwing up doesn't mean you're pregnant. And everyone likes peanut butter and chocolate together. Also, for future reference, we have these things, dunno if you've heard of them. They stop people from getting pregnant. Very rare and hard to come by, but well worth it. Think they're called 'condoms' or something…" He grinned, and dodged the fist she threw at him lazily.

"Thanks for the sex education talk Mummy." She growled. "Now go away before I start throwing sharp objects…" Jack didn't need telling twice. He swooped off towards the underground network to wake up Ianto.

Ianto was happy. He was warm and comfortable and dreaming about playing fetch with Myfanwy on a warm summers day. He was content. Until he was woken up rather suddenly by an over-grown toddler bursting into his room with all the energy of an excited spaniel. Jack burst in and jumped onto the side of his bed, making the whole thing bounce and shift a little closer to the wall. He then set about tickling Ianto in earnest.

First, Ianto groaned. Then he yelped in surprise. Then a string of expletives no child should utter poured from his mouth, and he kicked Jack hard, accidentally landing a blow in his crotch. Jack immediately stopped the tickling and bent double, making an 'oof' sound then keening like a dying animal.

"Ooops." Ianto managed through his giggling. "You ok?" He peered at Jack, almost a little concerned.

"Noooooooo." Jack whined. "I think you broke me." He collapsed onto the floor next to the bed, and didn't move.

"Jack?" Ianto leaned towards him, still on the bed. "Jack!" He was getting concerned, so he jumped off the bed and went to check his boss' pulse. And that was when Jack stopped playing dead and jumped up at him. Ianto started so hard, he fell over backwards and landed on his bum on the floor, shocked.

"Tooooo easy!" Jack taunted, laughing, and Ianto couldn't help but join in.

Once he'd stopped laughing, Ianto got to his feet and started making his bed, ignoring the disgusted face that Jack pulled at him, and his protests that making your bed was pointless when you could just leave it like it was and then crawl back into your comfortable position again the next night. Once he was satisfied that everything was tidy, he went over to the little dresser that Jack had provided him with, and grabbed his clothes.

"I'm going to have a shower." He said matter-of-factly. "Can I go home later to check my voicemail and stuff?"

"Sure." Jack drawled. "I'll take you as soon as today's briefing is over."

"It's ok, I'll go by myself."

"Er… After last time you went out alone and almost got eaten alive? No way am I letting a ten year old out on his own!"

"Well, I'll be eleven, so it's ok."

"No, it isn't young man!" Jack retorted sharply. "You do _NOT _leave this Hub alone. Understood?" Ianto grumbled and felt his anger rising.

"Who do you think you are? My father?" He growled.

"No, Ianto." Jack spat. "But I _am _responsible for your safety. You'll do as you're told. That's an order. Got it?"

"Got it." Ianto mumbled, glaring at Jack's shoes, before he trudged off meekly towards the showers. Jack ran a hand over his face and sighed. He Hadn't meant to come across so mad… Nor had he meant to sound suspiciously like his own father had sounded when angry. It was just that he was scared to death of Ianto getting hurt… He decided it was all in the past, and made his way up to his office, where he was greeted by an extremely bubbly Gwen.

"Morning gorgeous." She grinned, and gave him a wink.

"Morning Gwen." He couldn't help but smile back at her infectious grin. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm going home early tonight." She smiled.

"Oh? Says who?"

"Says the liquorice allsorts I put on your desk just now. Bertie Basset's authority cannot be challenged." She giggled, and Jack turned to check that there was indeed a liquorice offering on his desk.

"Everything seems to be in order." He said with a small smile. "I expect you in on time tomorrow though."

"Aye aye Captain!" She gave a salute, then left to do some work, and Jack looked through the glass of his office to watch her descend the stairs and go to her desk. Owen and Tosh were sitting together at her desk, and he appeared to be checking her pulse rate and temperature at the same time… and sitting a little too close for a professional too.

"Well, your pulse is fine." Owen frowned and dropped Tosh's wrist reluctantly. "You are hot though." He mused, pressing a hand to her forehead gently. "Come to the lab and let me take some blood samples and stuff… we'll see what's what." Tosh nodded sedately and followed him off towards the medical bay.

"The thing is, the symptoms are suspiciously like…" She began.

Morning sickness. Yes." Owen said rather too quickly. "But it can't be can it? I mean… you're on the pill, we used protection… It's just not possible…"

"Accidents happen Owen."

"Well, this accident is _not _happening." He growled. "We'll deal with the outcome when we know it. Let's not get angry speculating.

"No.. I suppose.." Tosh stopped mid sentence, a look of abject horror on her face, and promptly vomited all over the floor, and Owen's shoes.

"We could, however, got angry about the vomit on my expensive new sneakers." He noted grimly. "I'll call Teababy and he can clear this up…"

"No!" Tosh protested. "I'll do it, just… fetch me a glass of water?"

"Sure." He left her sitting on his bench and clutching her stomach and went to get a glass. When he returned, she was rinsing the floor, and took a gulp, washing it round her mouth before spitting it into the bucket she seemed to have conjured from nowhere. Who knew there was a storage cupboard in the medical bay? Owen certainly didn't. He frowned and moved forward to take the mop away from her, propping it up against a surface, before pulling her into a gentle embrace. "Whatever happens… We'll deal with it." He managed, before releasing her and making a hasty exit. Tosh looked at his retreating back, and smiled.

Ianto savoured the shower. It seemed that Jack was in a hyper mood today, and he suspected that there would be little peace for him before the night fell. A little quiet time in the shower made him feel a lot better, and he considered the way Jack was behaving towards him recently… He almost seemed to be getting gushy, which was just… icky… If icky was even a word which could be used by those with rational minds. Ianto considered that perhaps this was what Jack thought he wanted. In fact, it was the opposite. It was perfectly alright for them to feel upset when they were torn apart by meddlesome doctors, but pouring out emotion over it was… unnecessary and… untidy. Ianto hated untidiness. He resolved that he would make this thing he had going with Jack work on a non-gushy level. After all they could still l… no, not the L word… they could still care about each other but keep the atmosphere light, like it had been this morning. After all, sex with your gorgeous, charismatic, well endowed, sexually creative (as if that covered it) and charming boss wasn't fun if it wasn't… well, _fun_. Smiling to himself, he remembered when Jack had first made a move on him.

Almost a year earlier…

Ianto sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He'd only been gone for ten minutes, just checking on Lisa, and the Hub was a complete tip. It looked like Suzie and Owen had brought back that slime alien, only they hadn't bloody bothered with bagging it up, had they? Growling, he resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to be 'back in a minute' as he had told his girlfriend, he was going to be several bloody hours.

"Fan-bloody-tastic!" He murmured, padding over to the cupboard. "Oh no way!" He groaned as he opened it. It had been… raided- probably by Jack considering the sheer level of chaos. The supplies were all over the place instead of in their usual tidy stacks and colour-coded, alphabetised order. And his bucket and mop had been pushed right to the back, and the bucket was buried under piles of sticky notes, staples and ball-point pens. Sighing again, Ianto bent down, stretching out under the bottom shelf to reach for the bucket… And that was when someone pinched his arse. He jumped so hard he hit his head on the shelf above him, and recoiled so quickly he knocked the offending bum-pincher to the floor behind and underneath him. Squawking in a highly undignified manner, he twisted round, one hand clutching the back of his head, and came face to face with a rather surprised, but still very smug Captain Jack Harkness.

"Sorry I startled you." He grinned, purring every syllable. Ianto sighed, and was about to relax when he realised that he was, in fact, sitting in his boss' lap. His male boss' lap. Squeaking and blushing like a schoolgirl, he leapt to his feet.

"W...What were you doing?" He gasped, and Jack stood, leering at him.

"Weeeeell, I was on my way to my office…" He pointed in the direction of his office, and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "When I came across a stationary cupboard with the most amazing butt sticking out of it." He grinned and licked his lips, and Ianto found himself reminded of a big cat stalking it's prey… A rather sexy big cat stalking his prey, but Ianto didn't go for men. He swallowed involuntarily, and Jack continued. "Naturally, I had to stop to pay attention to this unexpected and delightful phenomenon." He took a step closer to Ianto, who stepped back, closer to the cupboard. "And then, I decided that in order to truly appreciate the perfection of this butt which had been so efficiently presented to me, I would have to give it a little pinch." He leaned forward even closer.

"Er.. Oh!" Ianto had leaned back a little too far from Jack's advances, and tripped over a box of hole-punches in the cupboard. He ended up flat on his arse between the highlighters and the tip-ex. Jack laughed and offered him a hand, whilst simultaneously taking a step backwards. Ianto took the hand and stumbled to his feet.

"Sorry if I upset you." Jack winked. "I'll leave you and your alien slime alone." With that, the Captain was gone, and Ianto was left nursing his embarrassment, and a continuing crush for his boss.

Back in the present…

Ianto laughed as he towelled himself dry. The memory of his reaction to Jack, and his blatant denial of his attraction to the other man was priceless. But then, he had been with Lisa technically. It was odd how he'd gotten over her in so short a time, but he supposed that when you were in Torchwood, there was no time for letting the past fester within you, and no space… Too much bad shit happened. Funny though, how Jack seemed to get away with it but wouldn't let anyone else brood even for a second. Putting those thoughts aside, Ianto pulled on his clothes and bounded towards the Hub. As he arrived, he checked the clock; it was 9:13, and high time he started doing some work.

Gwen looked up as Ianto entered the Hub, and smiled sweetly in his direction. She was in a particularly good mood today, although she wasn't sure why. He looked cute in his slightly-too-big clothes, although he would fill them out in a couple of hours' time. Today he was wearing ripped jeans and an orange hoodie with some indiscernible logo on it. She waved as he passed her, and he waved back, grinning.

Tosh wandered into the main Hub just in time to see Ianto disappear into the kitchenette, and to hear Jack hollering something about meeting in the boardroom in 5... She rolled her eyes and steered herself towards said boardroom, groaning at the queasiness she still felt. Fortunately, the bathrooms were close to the boardroom, so if she needed to throw up, she could just dash out.

Owen was in the small section of his workstation which he had dedicated to alien greenery, watering the plants when Jack boomed out to the Hub that he wanted everyone in the boardroom for a briefing in 5. He was hoping to get a hothouse for them as soon as possible, but for now they could survive in the corner her had given them, under a nice, hot lamp. He finished watering his alien fern, smiled at it slightly, told it it was a good little fern, and headed for the meeting, not relishing the prospect of more work. He would have preferred to have spent the day with his plants. They weren't nearly so mundane, irritating or stupid as boring, healthy humans. In fact, they were his secret pride and joy, and he enjoyed working out what nutrients suited each one best, the amount of light it needed to thrive, and, most importantly, whether it could be trained to discard foul smelling pollen all over the Teaboy. Fortunately, three of them, it seemed, could, and Owen was going to take great pleasure in potting a couple of samples.

Jack paced the boardroom, looking up as Tosh walked in. He offered her a little smile, and pulled the chair out for her, bending down to speak quietly into her ear.

"I'm not going to say anything about this in the briefing, I don't want any panic, but I've had a worrying thought. Tosh, what if… What if the device doesn't stop ageing Ianto when he reaches his usual age? What if he keeps on growing older until he dies and there's nothing we can do to stop it?" Although quiet, his voice sounded tense, and Tosh glanced up to see genuine concern in his eyes.

"Jack, even if that is the case, we'll find a way to stop it." She promised quietly, but with determination. "I'll get to work on finding you a definitive answer to whether the effects will continue or not as soon as the meeting is over." He nodded, apparently satisfied.

"Thank you, Toshiko. I know I can count on you." With that, he was back in his usual place at the head of the table, and the others were meandering in and taking their seats. Jack gave Ianto a smile, which didn't quite erase the worried look in his eyes, but it was so faint that Tosh doubted even Ianto would notice. Fortunately, he was having yet another argument with Owen about whether or not TinTin was acceptable children's TV. Gwen was all smiles today… Tosh suspected she was getting some, but it was none of her business and she still felt sick, even more so with the new added worry of the possible danger Ianto was in. Swallowing down the bile, she put on her 'let's get to business' face, and opened a file on her hand-held computer to take notes.

"So, why are we here?" Owen asked in a particularly peeved drawl. Sounded like Ianto had won the argument again.

"Good. Good question." Jack murmured. "We're here because we all seem to have lost the will to live." He looked at them all closely. "I mean, the rift has been quiet for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks, and all of a sudden my secret alien-hunting organisation has turned into the set of Home and Away. There's sex everywhere, people are calling afternoons off willy-nilly… not that I mind, on a quiet day" He added, looking at Gwen, "But some warning would be nice. C'mon people! Wake up and smell the weevils! I want something doing. I want samples being analysed, I want tech being played with, I want Gwen working around the clock to find something, anything that will give us a lead on the device which has altered Ianto. I want us all to stop sitting on our arses just because nothing life-threatening has happened, and remember we aren't just here for the death defying stunts." He paused for breath and eyed them all like naughty school children.

"So, here's what's gonna happen. Owen, I want you to spend the day working with those alien plants of yours. If I'm right, several of them could have potential uses. One of them looks like an alien fern I've encountered which could boost our weevil spray to stop them becoming resistant. Find out everything you can, report it back to me. Gwen, I want you to do some digging. Start with our own archives, although don't mess them up too much, or you can do the babysitting." He winked at her and glanced at Ianto, a grin on his face. "If there's nothing in there which can help us, start searching elsewhere. Police records, local papers, national papers, hell, international papers. Anything at all about sudden age changes, I want it noted. There has to be something useful out there, I need it. Ianto, I'll take you home now, but when we get back, I want you to go back to cataloguing. There's a backlog of space junk which needs sorting, and then you can help Gwen to solve your problem. Tosh, you know what you're doing. Get down to it. Ianto and I will be out for a while, if you can deal with any disturbances without us, do, if not, I have my mobile, and my headset. Call me." He paused again, looking at them all intently. "Go!" He shouted, and there was a rustle of movement as they all scattered to their various workstations, leaving Ianto and Jack alone in the boardroom. Ianto watched with a smirk as Jack stretched idly, a smile playing on his lips. "Man, I love being in charge." He grinned, before ushering Ianto out of the room and towards the garage where the SUV was parked.

When they reached his flat, Ianto breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary from the outside. No break-ins, no vandalism. Pleased, he allowed Jack to open the front door, and they stumbled through, kicking off their boots and hanging their coats up. Everything was as it should have been. There was a little dust about, but Ianto decided he could clean that up later. Making his way towards the living room, he noticed that his answering machine had several messages on it.

"Who calls me except for you?" He asked, turning to scrutinise Jack. "Have you been leaving lewd messages on my answer phone again?"

"Only two." Jack grinned. "The other two are from someone else." He flopped down on the sofa, and Ianto shrugged before pressing the button on his alien tech answering machine. To anyone calling from the outside, it was just the usual 'leave a message after the beep' jobby, but when Ianto accessed his messages, it was pretty much a sentient being, which had named itself Albert.

"Good morning Mr Jones." Albert said, in a voice which always made Ianto shudder at first because it reminded him of a Cyberman. "How can I help you today?"

"Morning Albert." Ianto replied. "I'd like to access my messages please."

"You sound different today, Mr Jones. Is anything the matter?" The machine enquired politely, and Jack snickered from the sofa and murmured 'I'll say'.

"A few problems with some alien technology, Albert, but I'm fine, thank you." Ianto said with a slight smirk, astonished that his answering machine could be sympathetic.

"Very well, you have four messages, two from Captain Jack Harkness, which are not, if you'll pardon my assessment, to the best of tastes, and two from your mother, which I suggest you listen to right away."

"My mother?" Ianto arched an eyebrow in Jack's direction. "Right, well, put Jack's ones in my 'things to listen to when I'm extremely bored' folder, and play me the ones from my Mam."

"Right away, Sir." The machine replied, before switching to the standard feminine BT voicemail voice. "Message received yesterday at 11:47 am." And then, his mother's cross voice came over the line. "Ianto Jones, you promised you would contact me to confirm what's going on for my birthday tomorrow. Since I haven't heard anything to the contrary, I plan to arrive at your flat at 12:30. Someone had best be there to let me in, young man, or I'll have your guts for garters!" She paused momentarily, then continued in a much friendlier voice, "I hope you're well and feeding yourself properly, and you've gotten yourself a girlfriend. See you tomorrow, cariad, love Mam." The machine beeped, and the BT woman was back. "Message received today at 9:15 am." Mam was back, and her voice was cross again. "Ianto bloody Jones, you are just like your bloody father, he never replied to my messages either! Well, I'm just putting my overnight things in the car, and setting off, so I'll be there at 12:30 like I said, and if you aren't there, mark my words young man, there will be trouble! Trouble!" The machine beeped again, and fell silent. Ianto stood stock still, too stunned to move, until Jack broke the spell.

"Well, that's not good." He said with a frown. Ianto turned to him, a pained look on his face, and spoke in an extremely high-pitched voice.

"Not good? Not good? It's fucking awful! It's 10:15 now! She's always early so she'll be here in 2 hours. I haven't anything for her to eat, I haven't got her a present, and I'm going to be a fucking 11 year old when she gets here! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO?" He flapped his arms exasperatedly. "I cannot believe I forgot her birthday!

"Calm down!" Jack said soothingly, getting up and wandering over to him. "I'll sort it." He said, patting Ianto on the head.

"Wait… She said overnight things… She's planning to _stay_?" Ianto paled. "She can't stay!" He looked up at Jack. "Jack, you have to fix this. Please!"

"Hey, it's alright." Jack said soothingly, with a small smile on his face. "I'll call in some favours and make you favourite son of the moment, and you wont even have to see her." Hugging Ianto to his side, he picked up the phone. "Albert, could you get me the Cardiff Hilton please."

"Certainly, Captain." Albert replied, and within seconds, the phone was ringing.

"Good morning, the Cardiff Hilton, this is Thomas speaking, how can I help you?" Announced a posh-sounding masculine voice over the phone.

"Thomas." Jack exclaimed with a grin like the devil on his face. "It's Jack Harkness."

"Oh, God! Harkness, not while I'm at work, and not now. I've got myself a respectable boyfriend, and we're going steady." Jack listened intently, grinning like a loon, then chuckled. Ianto rolled his eyes and decided to ignore everything.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, That's not why I'm calling…"

"Don't call me Tommy." Thomas snapped.

"Baby don't be like that!" Jack snickered loudly.

"Don't call me baby either…Are you laughing at me!?" He asked in response to Jack's growing laughter.

"Never at you, Thomas, Never at you." Jack stifled his laughter and made shushing motions at Ianto, who was giggling inanely behind him. "Anyway, I'm not calling for your usual supply of outrageously good phone sex, I'm calling to… well, call in that favour."

"Oh…" Thomas' voice sounded a little disappointed that Jack wasn't going to try harder to persuade him into sex, but he got over it quickly enough. "So, what can I do to get rid of you?"

"Weeeeeell, A good friend of mine, and I don't use the term good friend lightly, has managed to.. Misplace his mother's birthday present. I want your best suite for her, and a full day of pamper treatments, and dinner included, and anything else you can throw in to make everything fabulous, and I don't want to pay for it." He grinned as he head the cogs turning in Thomas' mind.

"I can't, Jack. We've got some ambassador in the Royal Suite…I can get her the Grecian Goddess Suite?"

"Oooh, I always liked that one better, so many brilliant places to have a canoodle…"

"Yes, Jack, I remember…"

"Of course you do. Her name is Mrs Jones. I'll bring her over later. And thank you, Tommy."

"Any time, Jack… And don't call me Tommy."

"Bye, Baby." Jack grinned and as he put the phone down, heard Thomas protesting. He turned to Ianto with a triumphant smile on his face. "There, all done."

"Brilliant." Ianto smiled, determined not to feel jealous of this mysterious Thomas character who had apparently had several 'adventures' with Jack all over the Hilton. "But how are we going to explain the fact that I can't see her?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, and Jack struggled not to laugh at the insanity of it all.

"Well, I could meet her and give her an excuse… Say I sent you on business abroad and your flight got cancelled and you're very sorry but you didn't want her to be put out on her birthday, so you arranged the Hilton…"

"My God…" Ianto murmured. "You really aren't just a pretty face, are you?" He grinned up at Jack, who pulled a face back at him. "But that doesn't solve the problem of a present… I suppose I can send it in the post in a few days and say I bought it abroad and sorry I couldn't see her…It's not perfect, but it'll do…" He breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down on the sofa.

"Great, and I'm sure she'll love me…" Jack grinned, seating himself next to Ianto.

"Oh God!" Ianto groaned, covering his eyes with a hand. "Now, Jack, if you do _anything_, anything at all to my mother, I will personally castrate you, and you can spend the rest of your days not enjoying your previous varied sex life."

"Me?" Jack asked with an 'oh, but I'm so sweet and innocent' face, "Do anything? I mean, with your mother? How could you even think something like that?" He chuckled. "At worst, I'll probably flirt with her, but I mean, it's not like I can help that…" He grinned again, and Ianto laughed.

"That's true… You even flirted with the automated ticket system at the cinema…"

"Whaaaat!? She has a very sexy voice…"

"If you go for robots…"

"Now, now, I'm not the one who had a robot girlfriend…" Jack grinned, only to be rewarded with a swift, and fairly hard punch in the ribs.

"Not funny, Jack Harkness. Not funny at all." Ianto stood up and stalked towards the kitchen.

"Oh, Ianto, don't be all prissy with me. I was kidding." He sighed, and Ianto stopped on his way to the kitchen, and threw him a glare.

"Oddly enough, I'm still quite angry that you killed her." He growled, "Now I'm going to go make coffee and resist the urge to return the favour." With that he was gone, and Jack was left shaking his head and wondering when Ianto was truly going to forgive him. Sighing, he decided to leave Ianto to cool off, and picked up a book from the coffee table, flicking through it absently until he returned.

"Cappuccino." Ianto stated flatly, putting the cup down next to Jack. "Sorry I over-reacted." He murmured.

"No, I'm sorry." Jack said softly. "I shouldn't joke about it, not this soon. Not ever, really." He reached across to where Ianto had sat down again, and ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Well, it's behind us now…" Ianto sighed, trying his best to re-arrange his hair. "I just… I won't forget her, Jack." He smiled weakly. "Now drink your coffee before it goes cold." He said simply, taking a sip from a cup of his own.

"I'm not sure you're old enough for caffeine yet…" Jack mumbled, taking a long drink.

"Well then you can go fuck yourself." Ianto smiled. "Because I need a fix, before I commit murder."

"Well, we don't want that. And I find it quite amusing when you're hyperactive."

"So it works for both of us." Ianto chuckled. "So… What am I going to do whilst you sort out my Mam?" He frowned up at Jack.

"I'm sure you can find something to occupy yourself with, but you'll have to stay hidden." Jack smiled.. "And c'mere you!" He scooped Ianto into a bear hug. "Let's not argue. We'll see if we can set up some things for you to do in your bedroom."

"Alright." Ianto grinned, returning the hug. "I could play cards..." Jack released him and he wandered off into his bedroom, just in time to collapse in a heap on the floor, and become an eleven-year-old. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he looked up to see Jack in the doorway with his coat and shoes.

"If she sees these, she'll get confused." He pointed out, depositing them on the foot of the bed. "Want some cards? How about a book?"

"Yeah, there's a book I've been reading somewhere… Probably in the bathroom, I like to read in the bath." He flopped onto the bed.

"Ok, and I'll get you some juice as well, you might be in here a while." Jack sauntered off to find the book, and Ianto lay back on the bed, and attempted to get used to the odd sensations of a nearly pubescent body. He had always been a gangly sort of child, legs too long for his body and an irritating habit of falling over them at inopportune moments. Sighing, he pulled the cover over himself and snuggled down into his own bed, feeling more than a little run down.

"I've found the…" Jack trailed off as he stepped into the room and saw that Ianto had already fallen asleep. He looked at the sleeping 11 year old, curled around the duvet and snoring softly, and smiled. He really was adorable. Then it crossed his mind that in a few days' time, he might not be quite so adorable, so he decided to sit and watch him sleep a while. Putting the book on the table, and the juice next to it, he carefully settled himself on the bed next to Ianto, and brushed some stray hair out of his eyes.

Next thing he knew, it was 20 minutes later, and the doorbell was ringing. He'd gotten lost in thoughts again. Ianto blinked awake at the noise, and grumbled slightly before rolling over. Jack chuckled quietly.

"Stay here, I'll be back later." Jack whispered, before hastening towards the door, which was already ringing for the third time. Putting on his best 'look at me, aren't I handsome, charming and loveable' face, he opened the door.

"Ianto Jones! How long does it take to…" Ianto's mother practically screeched, before trailing off and taking in Jack. "Oh." She smiled coyly. "Well.. Hello."

"Hello." Jack replied, and couldn't help making it the most innuendo filled 'hello' he'd ever uttered, and that was saying something. Ianto had never said that his mother was hot! Jack usually didn't go for women much over their thirties, and Mrs Jones had to be nearing 60, but boy had she looked after herself. For one thing, she'd kept a figure which most women in their twenties would kill for, for another, she had barely a wrinkle in sight, and then there was her hair… The same stunning black as Ianto's and pulled up in a bun on her head, but pieces of hair had broken loose and were tumbling down to frame her face. He realised with a start that he was staring at her, and extended a hand just in time to seem suave, and not creepy. "Jack Harkness, I'm Ianto's boss."

"Oh, really?" Mr Jones looked up at him. "He mentioned you, but he never said you were handsome…" She looked him up and down and smiled roguishly. "I'm Mrs Jones."

"Of course you are." He said, and it was true, because if he hadn't just left him sleeping in the other room, Jack would have sworn the eyes he was looking into were Ianto's. "And Ianto never said how gorgeous his mother was." He took a step back and gestured. "Come in, I'm afraid I have a disappointment for you."

"You wouldn't disappoint me, I'm sure." She practically purred as she walked in, and Jack detected a hint of Ianto's sarcasm there. He grinned, then reminded himself that Ianto Jones' mother was most definitely out of bounds, and checked himself before replying.

"I'm not sure that sentiment will last, I'm afraid. You see, Ianto is stuck in Brussels…" He flinched as she whipped round to face him, a stern look on her face, which reminded him all too much of Ianto when he spilt a coffee.

"Stuck?" She spat. "In Brussels? But he's supposed to be taking me to lunch for my birthday!" She sighed. "Oh, what will I ever do with that boy?"

"It's my fault really, Mrs Jones. You see, he told me about your birthday, but I sent him to Brussels anyway. He was due to get back early this morning, but his flight got cancelled, and we're not yet sure when he can fly."

"Oh, silly boy. Silly aeroplanes. Bloody Brussels." She shook her head. "Well, he could have phoned and told me, now I'll have to drive all the way home."

"Actually," Jack ventured. "That's why I'm here." He grinned. "Ianto felt terrible about breaking his promise, so he's arranged a surprise for you instead. He's booked you a night at the Cardiff Hilton and a day of pampering to go with it. I'm to take you to the hotel and get you settled." Jack smiled as Mrs Jones' face lit up.

"The Hilton? How much do you pay him?" She laughed. "Oh, how lovely! He's such a good boy." She grinned at him, and he laughed.

"Yes he is. Now, would you like me to drive you? Or would you prefer to take your car?"

"Oh, I'll take my car. You can lead the way in yours." She trilled, buzzing with excitement. He followed her out of the flat and locked the door, grinning because his plan had worked. He Jumped into the car and drove the relatively short distance to the hotel, careful to drive like a normal human being so that Mrs Jones could keep up in her tiny silver convertible. When they arrived, he pulled up and handed his keys to a bell boy, waiting for Mrs Jones to do the same, and getting the luggage out of her boot. Grinning flirtatiously, he offered her his arm and they walked together to the reception desk, where Tommy was sitting, looking like he was about to throw up.

"Hi, Thomas." Jack purred, making a big show of checking the name tag on Thomas's uniform. "You should have a booking for this lovely lady, Mrs Jones." Thomas frowned at him slightly, then looked at his list.

"Yes, sir, I do have a booking. The Grecian Goddess Suite, for one night, and a deluxe pamper package to begin tomorrow morning. Is that correct?"

"Certainly is, Tommy. You don't mind if I call you Tommy, right?" Jack asked with a wink. "I believe dinner should be included in that as well?"

"Yes, Sir, dinner tonight, and breakfast and lunch tomorrow. Will that be everything that you'll need, Madam?" He asked, addressing Mrs Jones for the first time. She flushed and smiled.

"Yes, that sounds wonderful. What time are the meals served?"

"Dinner is from 7 'til 10:30, breakfast from 7:30 'til 10, and lunch from 12 'til 2. Or you may order room service at any time." Thomas reeled off with a dazzling smile, and Jack decided he'd worked in customer service for far too long. "Can I get someone to take your bags for you?"

"Oh, no thank you." Mr Jones smiled. "I've got my big strong man here for that." She gestured to Jack, who found himself blushing a little, despite himself. Seriously, did the ability to catch him off-guard run in the blood of the Jones family? He nodded, and cleared his throat.

"So, we'll er… just be needing the keys…" He mumbled.

"Certainly. Here you are, Madam. The suite is on the 6th floor, you can't miss it." He offered the keys, and Mrs Jones took them and thanked him, before setting off towards the elevator. Jack picked up the two bags and followed her.

Tosh groaned and made another dash to the toilet. Her insides were churning, she'd already thrown up everything she had, and now all she could do was retch uncontrollably. The door to the bathroom creaked behind her, and Gwen edged in, holding a glass of water.

"Still no better, love?" She enquired softly, and Tosh shook her head, and bit back another wave of bile, taking a small sip of the water to wash the taste from her mouth, and spitting it out into the toilet bowl.

"I wish I was dead." She groaned, closing her eyes. "I can't do anything, anyway, not whilst the computer is running scans… Ask Owen if he has any good sedatives, would you?"

"Of course, love. I'll go now." She slipped out, and Tosh leaned against the cubicle wall, breathing shallowly, and willing her body to stop aching.

When Mrs Jones opened the door of her suite, she was greeted by the scent of jasmine. Strong enough to make her nose tingle, but not overpowering. Grinning like a teenage girl, she pushed open the door, and Jack watched as she took in the sight of the gorgeous room before her.

"Oh God!" She squealed. "It's beautiful!" She stepped over the threshold, and he followed, watching her take in the room. It was huge, with a full bar in one corner, a dining table and chairs, some sofas and a chez long, and floor to ceiling windows masterfully decorated to look like the arches of an ancient Greek temple. The décor was luxurious, and all in the style one would expect from the title 'Grecian Goddess Suite'. The furniture was rich purple, the walls a mock stone colour, and the floor carpeted in thick cream, and scattered with exquisite rugs. Two ornately carved archways led into a bedroom and a bathroom, complete with a Jacuzzi and a state of the art rain shower. The bedroom held one of the biggest beds Jack had ever seen, furnished in the same rich purple, and scattered with exotic flowers, and a chocolate on each pillow. The wardrobe was huge, and there was a marble vanity table next to yet more floor to ceiling windows.

"Think you can cope here?" Jack asked with a grin. "I mean… It's the best Ianto could do at such short notice…" She rounded on him with a look in her eye which made something inside Jack want to run away. Unfortunately, Jack had seen that predatory gleam before, and it usually preceded amazing sex… So he stayed where he was.

"Mr Harkness, you are a tease." She purred, taking steps towards him, and he instantly stepped back, remembering just exactly who it was.

"Well, I… Er… I should be going Mrs Jones." He mumbled, realising that she was backing him into a corner. If he hadn't been so worried that he was going to end up doing something he would seriously regret with Ianto's mum, he would have laughed at the fact that this was one of his preferred methods of seduction. Well, now he knew how the prey felt, and it was exhilarating. Exhilarating but terrifying! She was still advancing on him, a coy smile on her lips.

"Now, now. You don't have to be shy…" She purred, so close now that he could literally feel the heat coming off her. The scent of her pheromones was overwhelmingly strong. Mrs Jones was a sexy woman, and she had Jack Harkness right where she wanted him.

"I don't really think this is a good idea, Mrs Jones." He complained, feeling like an awkward teenager all of a sudden. "I mean… I'm your son's boss and…"

"Oh, come now." She drawled. "Ianto won't know a thing. I'm certainly not going to tell him. And even if he does find out, he'll get over it." She smiled, pushing her face close to his, and he felt a sudden need to escape.

"I somehow don't think he would." Jack said softly, gently pushing Mrs Jones away.

"Oh, really?" She laughed. "I can take rejection Mr Harkness, don't worry." She turned away and laughed again. "Honestly, don't think Ianto would get over it. Next you'll be saying that you're having a love affair with _him_!" Jack laughed nervously.

"I just don't like to mix business with pleasure." He tried, casually, and she rounded on him.

"Now I do _not_ believe that." She said with a smile. "I suppose it's the age thing, eh?" He opened his mouth to protest, but she silenced him with a wave of her hand. "Never mind. I've been turned down before, and I'm sure I'll find some other way to entertain myself this evening. That young man on reception seemed like a nice boy…" She winked. Jack repressed the giggle which threatened to overtake him.

"I'm sure he is." He said with a twinkle in his eye. "Have a good birthday, Mrs Jones. If there's anything you need, just call." He scribbled down the number for the tourist information centre, and flashed her one last smile before he turned and left. In the lift, he glanced at his clock. It was 2:30 pm. Had time accelerated itself whilst he had been with her? It seemed like they'd only been upstairs for ten minutes. Obviously not.

Ianto woke up an hour after Jack left. He wondered what was taking so long, the drive to the hotel was only ten minutes. He was struck by the sudden thought that maybe his mother had come onto Jack. It would be beyond the Captain to refuse. Ianto had seen his Mam at work seducing men in pubs, and it disgusted him. All the same, he had to admit that she had a talent, and often ended up pulling men almost as young as her son. He hoped that it wasn't the case, but when Jack still wasn't back at 2:15, he lost hope. Sighing, he dropped the book which he had picked up from the bedside table, and padded towards the kitchen, intent on drowning his disgust and the small pang of despair he felt by drinking copious quantities of coffee. By the time he was sipping at his third cappuccino, the door was creaking open, and Jack was walking in. Ianto noted with disgust that he was humming the tune of 'Me and Mrs Jones'. He wandered into the kitchen looking pleased with himself, and Ianto felt the urge to vomit.

"Well, I'd say it was a success." Jack grinned. "Although, if you'll excuse me saying so, your mother is a minx." He set the machine to make him a latte, and turned to see Ianto looking thunderous.

"Jack Harkness, did you fuck my mother? Because if you did, I swear I will kill you a thousand times over!" He growled, looking as menacing as an eleven year old could.

"What!?" Jack gasped. "No!" He looked appalled. "She cornered me in her room and tried it on, but it felt way too creepy. I mean… She's your Mother!" He stammered. "It would be… sick." He watched as Ianto's face relaxed, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes." He said quietly. "It would." He rubbed a hand through his hair, slowly feeling the caffeine take effect. "I'm sorry, it's just… She's done that sort of thing before. Slept with people in my life and decided that my feelings don't matter."

"Well, she never stood a chance with me." He said soothingly, settling on a chair opposite Ianto. "You got anything else to do here?" He asked casually. "Because we should get back to the Hub."

"Nope, I did it all whilst you were gone." Ianto replied, draining the last of his coffee. Jack downed his mug quickly, and smacked his lips.

"Great. We'll pick up pizza on the way back." He quickly rinsed out their mugs, and Ianto tidied up, then they got back in the SUV and headed for the Hub.

Owen sighed. He'd sedated Tosh, and she was sleeping peacefully on the sofa. Gwen was doing Gwen stuff, he wasn't sure what, and he had been left alone with his plants. Unfortunately, his new technical dooda had decided to pack up mid cycle, spraying a viscous mixture of mushed up plant extracts at him. He would have to clean it up, he supposed. Sighing again, he went to get some cleaning stuff, and that was when Jack and Ianto arrived with pizza. Immediately, he abandoned his cleaning project and headed for the food.

Tosh woke up half way through the pizza, and attempted to eat half a slice. Owen had taken some samples from her, and they were busy being analysed in the lab (thankfully they hadn't been in the machine that had gone haywire). She promptly went to the toilets to throw it up, and declined to have any more. Apart from that, lunch passed uneventfully, and the team chatted amicably for the first time in a few weeks. Tosh fell asleep again at the table, and Jack lifted her like a child, tucking her under a blanket on the sofa, and kissing her forehead tenderly. He hoped that she wasn't pregnant. It would make things far too awkward around the Torchwood base.

He popped over to her desk, but her broad scan was still running, and there was nothing yet to report. Sighing at his feeling of uselessness, he went to see Gwen.

"Shouldn't you be going?" He asked with a smile. "Y'know, living your life and all that."

"Oh!" Gwen squeaked. "I almost forgot. Right. Nearly found a lead I think, but I'll take a look tomorrow. Gotta go do the whole romantic dinner thing. You should try it sometime." She grinned sarcastically, and winked before dashing for the exit.

"Have fun." He called after her. "Owen, you may as well go home too, take Tosh and put her to bed." He looked at the medic, who was reading the analysis sheet from Tosh's samples.

"Yes, I think bed would be best. She's not pregnant, she's got a virus. It's not alien, it's just one of those lovely winter vomiting things. She'll recover, but she might've passed it on to one of us. We'll have to be careful."

"Hmm." Jack sighed. The last thing he needed was for his team to fall ill when Ianto was possibly in mortal danger. Still, there was nothing eh could do. "Well, take her home. Do what you can for her. I'll see you in the morning. Tell Tosh to stay home if she wants to." He smiled at Owen, who gave him a look as if he were insane.

"Tosh, stay at home? C'mon, she's as likely to do that as I am to turn up on time." He grinned, and Jack laughed.

"Point made. Now, scram!" He shooed Owen over to Tosh, and smiled warmly as he declined to wake her, and picked her up instead. Owen was stronger than he looked, and Jack was sure he'd make it all the way to the lift before Tosh woke up. Grinning, he turned to Ianto.

"I know that look." Ianto said sceptically. "What are you up to?" He arched an eyebrow as Jack pretended to be all innocent.

"I want to go out for dinner." He grinned. "Fancy accompanying me to the pizza express on the seafront? We can go to the cinema first."

"Do I have to call you 'Dad'" Ianto pouted.

"No, Daddy will be fine." Jack joked, and Ianto swiped at him. He laughed. "Call me whatever you like." He trilled. "I'm in need of a good film, and some good cannelloni."

Gwen looked around. In the few hours since she had been home, she had transformed her living room into a romantic den. The table had been moved to the centre, the sofa and coffee table pushed to the side. On top of the table was a white cloth, several candles scented with ylang-ylang and her best silver cutlery, a moving out present from her parents. The room was filled with spices from the cooking she had done, using as many aphrodisiac ingredients as possible, and the lights were dimmed, barely casting a glow over the romantic setting. She had set champagne in a bucket of ice at one end of the table, and romantic music was playing from the stereo. In ten minutes, Rhys would be home, and she was going to spend this evening showing him how much she really cared.


End file.
